On our way

Just wanna update ya'll. We've got the formal application completed and ready to mail in tomorrow!

Most of it had been filled out over the weekend, but there were some key sections that we wrapped up after supper tonight. Yah, we actually sat at the dining room table - something we usually only do when company comes over. Bethany came through with rapid response again - answering a series of e-mail questions in less than a day. Once we had some clarification, all the blanks could be filled in.

The hardest section by far was the simple question - why do you want to adopt? You may remember back when I started this that I had been worried about this concept. I mean, for us, one must first answer - why do you want to be parents? The answer for adopting would be pretty much the same. Really - adoption is just another avenue that God has provided to build a family. As one of our "rod chairs" mentioned recently, there's a child out there somewhere in the world for us.

Another toughy was a very long question about the broad range of children that we'd be willing to parent. We're asked to consider age, gender, race, disability, number of children etc. I was left wondering, what if I said I'd be willing to parent a 3 year old, but not a 10 year old? How can that be arranged? If you'd parent an infant, you'll eventually parent a teenager, right? I guess the idea would be some folks would prefer not to adopt an older child for various reasons. But the question doesn't mention that, just a willingness to "parent."

OK enough of my anal analysis of semantics!

I'm betting we'll be hearing back from Bethany fairly quick. The social worker that e-mailed me said we can start the process before our education class on Dec 4. That means interviews and paperwork can get started about a month before we (or at least) I anticipated. This is good news - we're moving a bit faster than I expected. From what I read though, there will be much idle time to come.

Your thoughts and prayers will be appreciated as we send in our application!

Just a word of thanks

Well, we're deep in thought about which country to choose for our adoption. Or should I say - we have not learned the direction in which God will lead us. In the mean time, we've got a growing list of "to-dos" that will fill any lapse in activity.

These are items that we MUST take care of regardless of whether our child is born in Guatemala or China. Nothing surprising, I'm sure - all wise tasks for anyone about to become parents, but not something usually high on the list for us Gen-Xers.

-Complete a formal Will
-Purchase more comprehensive life insurance. We've got some, but not anything fancy.
-Complete the formal application
-Prepare for the "Home Study" process (yup - they visit your house several times)

With all that said, I just want to send out a heart-felt thanks to all of you that have been supporting us with advice, prayers, and just general words of encouragement. Just the fact that so many people express so much excitement for us, shows us that we are doing the right thing. We've heard comments like - "your baby is out there somewhere" and "I can't wait to meet your little one."

Here's another rather touching tidbit along these lines. Over the past year or so, Melissa and I have taken over the adult (haha, yah right) leadership of our Church's youth group. It's a small congregation, so the group is struggling to come out of hibernation, but we do have some faithful kids with lots of dedication. Anyway, most of them are aware of our adoption efforts, but you wouldn't expect them to be too interested. In fact, the group meets weekly, and we haven't mentioned it to them for at least a month. But wouldn't you know it, one of the kids asked M about it this past week. It's very special that a teenager, with so many other concerns in the world took a few minutes to inquire about God's plan for build a family. I guess we can learn a bit about good parenting there.

So, to all - thanks. 'Nuff said.

What's going on in that little brain

OK, I need to catch my breath a little. I've still got a few tidbits to share from the research I've done in the last couple of weeks, particularly as we weigh the 2 countries we're considering. I'll get to that later.


Melissa took all 3 animals to the vet yesterday - at the same time! Only once since we got Penny about 3 years ago have I caught them all hanging out close enough to get a picture. This was taken about a year ago.


Believe it or not, it's all part of the master strategy to get as much of our hectic lives in order as possible. Now that the pets are up to date on shots and such, a great deal of effort (a lot of it M has already started) will be going into getting the house in order. Not to mention getting ourselves used to living on a single income. But still, there are enough times while the wife is at a meeting or choir practice that I find myself with a little down time to ponder some of this on my own. While making shrimp dumplings (what's with the food references lately?), I was thinking about - what if we had a Chinese born kid - would I make this for her? Would I have to learn to make tamales if we end up adopting from Guatemala?

So the dumpling making process takes a little while. The dog watched me with great interest (though not begging), but my hands were too messy to snap a picture. She did, however follow me downstairs after I washed my hands and she cleaned up a little dim sum sauce I spilled on the floor (check out the lip smacking). I guess we'll try mole next week and ask Penny which she likes better!

And So it begins - Part Two

Gee that didn't take long! Yesterday, our formal "Application for Adoption" arrived in the mail!!! This is kinda like another beginning, because this will be the step where we'll start sending moola. If you've poked around any adoption web site though, you'll know the $550 app fee is a tiny fraction of the total costs. But still, there's something about committing cash to something that let's everyone know how serious you are. I was thinking about making an analogy - kinda like committing DNA - but I think you get the idea without further explanation, right?

It's not as much paperwork as I though it would be - just 4 pages. But, I suppose that's because it's still just an application. There are no government forms to fill out just yet. Part of it kinda reminds me of a loan application, asking for employment, debt, and asset information.

Then it goes into asking us to list references, write little mini-essays about various topics like "Why do you want to adopt?"

Yah, one question with a 2X4 inch empty block asks why we want to adopt. I'll have to think about exactly how to word that in such a tiny space. Not sure about this particular section, but there are questions directed at each parent. I'll have to dictate mine to M, because my handwriting is so lousy. I think it's due of permanent damage caused by repeatedly having to write the same freakin sentence 1,000 times in Jr. High. Anyone from Twin Valley remember the teacher's name that was notorious for that? I'm pretty sure it was a man.

Anyway, I've got to round up a fair bit of info. Still have yet to choose between China and Guatemala. For anyone waiting on the edge of their virtual seat for us to make up our minds, it probably won't happen soon. The application does not require us to choose - that will come later on when we prepare a dossier. What's a dossier? Wouldn't you like to know.......

Preliminary Preparatory Precursory Prior Approval

Well, that happened kinda fast. No, we're not parents yet, but we have some paperwork already!

Last night while M stirred the squash risotto and the pork and broccoli was cooking away on the grill, I filled out the online preliminary application for international adoption. No overly probing questions really, just the basics, like age, income, etc. Didn't even ask for SS numbers. The form also asks for preferred ages and countries. Click here if you wanna take a look at what we had to fill in.

Mind you, this was only a preliminary application, there's no paperwork filed with immigration, nobody in China or Guatemala has any clue about us. But, it was an important step and expresses our intentions quite formally. At the orientation meeting last week, the social worker said something about being contacting in about 48 hours after submitting the prelim. The web site says 2 weeks. I usually figure the truth is somewhere in the middle.

So, this morning, M gets a call from Bethany telling her that we've they've approved our preliminary application!!!

What does that mean? I have no flipping idea, but it sounds good! Actually, I think it means we're now allowed to really start the process officially. They will be sending us the formal application. Who wants to bet that stack of papers will blow "The Packet" out of the water? Of course, then I'll be able to finish my task list and budget. This is a good early sign from the Bethany side of things. I have heard that they really keep on top of things for you, and so far so good.

We are also signed up for the Dec 4 international adoption education class. This is an all day thing for which I'll have to take a vacation day. The class is actually a government mandated thing - we're required to take 10 hours of training (the orientation counts as 2 hrs). I'm sure that won't be the first one I'll end up taking. There will be trips to various government offices, lawyers, and whoknowswhatelse.

That's all for now. More tidbits on the way...

Chinese couch, American arm

Finally, we get to the tidbits. I guess we’ll be talking about China and Guatemala for a little while, at least until we make a decision. The next couple of steps for us include filling out a preliminary application, and attending an all day education class in early December. We won’t need to pick a country program to pursue until after that class as we begin the formal process.

One of the interesting things about both China & Guatemala that I’ve mentioned before is the streamlined process. Both countries have particular hotels that cater to adopting parents.

In China, you stay in the White Swan Hotel in Guangzhou. I get the impression that literally all of the bookings at the White Swan come from Americans and Europeans adopting Chinese babies. The actually present each family with several gifts, one of which is a Caucasian Barbie Doll with an Oriental baby. I’m still hunting down a picture of this.

One of the main traditions at this hotel is the red couch picture. Basically, all of the new parents gather up the little ones, plop them on the couch, and the flash bulbs go off. In some ways, this is kinda neat, but I can’t help but think about the fact that it’s red. It’s almost like giving the kids one last fling with communist propaganda before they escape to the free world. I realize that seems kinda cynical, but I guess that’s my nature. In reality, the couch is probably red because it matches the rest of the hotel’s décor, or because they owner found a good deal on red furniture or some other innocent reason like that.

I poked around on the interweb looking for more info. Didn’t take long to find some pictures of the red couch. In the process, I discovered dozens of other blogs posted by adopting parents. So much for having an original idea. It’s amazing to think the when I was in college; my roommate and I were one of only a few people in our dorm who had figured out how to get online. It was pretty much message boards, news groups, and e-mail back in 1992. 14 years later it’s just second nature to just hop on the web if you need some info. Now, if I could just get my parents off of AOL and onto DSL the technology infiltration would be complete.

Here’s a pic of the red couch. I literally stole this from someone's web page – I don’t know any of these kids, but I figure it’s anonymous enough that there’s no harm.




Notice pair of kids on either end seem fine, perhaps a smidge worried. The third baby from the left just isn’t having fun at all yet, having probably bonded with new parent's by this point, he (I think) does not want to end up back in a room full of other babies. Hopefully the 23-hour plane ride home to the USA will be a little more fun! Even funnier is the look the crybaby is getting from the next kid.

What really cracks me up is the arm. The things new Dads will do for what they think will be the perfect shot. Little did he know that his arm would be forever immortalized on my blog. I suppose they never thought to just stuff a pillow or a balled up jacket behind her. Makes me feel better though – apparently you don’t have to be a member of Mensa to navigate the adoption process.

World Travelers

It’s been a while since the last post, and I had a draft post that somehow got blown away with a few tidbits. Hopefully, I’ll be able to rephrase those as well as I did the first time. Blogger has the ability to save draft posts without publishing. I typed out a few paragraphs, clicked on save draft, and kablooie-page cannot be found, back-page, blank post, work gone. Oh well, I’m sure it’s Bill Gates’ fault, I should have been using Firefox instead of IE.

I’ll get to the tidbits in the next post, but I’ve got a little news. OK, it’s pretty big news.

We’ve decided to go International for sure. We stayed up very late Friday night talking about it and just came to the conclusion that this was the way we needed to go. I wanna get back to the news and tidbits, so I’ll get more into explaining some of the reasons later. Some might fault me for being so analytical, rather than just following the path that God shows me. I’ll accept that, but I also believe that God made me this way as a means for me to discover His path. In other words, my research takes place precisely because I seek the right path, not because I trust myself more than the Lord. This process has served me well in other decisions like this; changing my major in college when I realized I had more aptitude for something else, switching jobs and career paths when I saw the right opportunity. I’m not changing now.

So, now, you’re asking – from which country will you be adopting? Sorry, haven’t decided yet.

I’ve been officially over-ruled on the Uzbekistan thing. I knew it was a long shot, but hey we’re a couple and we’ve got to agree. Our philosophy has always been that if one or the other of us is in total disagreement, then the answer is no. To be honest with you, it was probably number 3 or 4 on my list anyway; I just wasn’t as ready to rule it out. But again, back to reality – we have to start narrowing this down.

We had also considered Haiti, but realized that we were really only drawn to that because of how quickly and cheaply one can get through the process. Russia was another possibility, but they are going through some changes right now, and have actually closed a portion of their program temporarily, making it quite a bit more difficult. Perhaps later in life, we’ll be revisiting these possibilities, but not now.

For a lot of reasons, we’ve narrowed it down to China and Guatemala. It’s not so much a matter of process of elimination, but we do feel drawn to these places.

China remains likely simply because of the relative simplicity of the process. OK, when you stop laughing, I’ll explain. Re-read that – I said “relative” simplicity. No matter what, it’s going to be long and complicated, but so many orphans have been adopted from China that they’ve got the process finely tuned. 10’s of thousands of Americans adopt through this program each year. The timeline is fairly predictable, and once you get to the travel stage, they make all your arrangements and send you along with group of other China adopters from Bethany.

We also feel very drawn to Guatemala, which I have now gotten the hang of spelling properly. There are a lot of reasons, but the need there is just so great that we really feel it’s something we should do. The process in Guatemala is also fairly well streamlined, so we’ll know more of what to expect. The wait for a referral is also a little shorter than most places, and the travel is not the least bit intimidating. Also, the need there really breaks my heart.

I’ve traveled a fair amount, particularly at my previous job, where I had the opportunity to visit several locations around the US (SC, MN, KS), as well as Argentina. I’ve done a little work travel since then(mostly AZ, and CA). Also, Melissa and I have been to Israel and the West Bank together. I’m pretty comfortable traveling then, including in strange places. Melissa has traveled a bit as well – she went to France when she was little, but hasn’t traveled as much as an adult. Also, anyone who knows me knows I’ll eat just about anything (except mushrooms and clams), particularly strange ethnic, spicy foods – common in Guatemala and China. Melissa tends to be a little more careful about strange places and foods (but she loves mushrooms and clams), so I don’t think I’ll get in any trouble by expressing a little surprise when she told me the travel portion of the adoption process is the least of her concerns. After thinking about it though, I shouldn’t be surprised. She’s much more willing to just go with the flow and be sacrifice her own comfort and safety things for what she thinks is right. So, taking a long flight to spend weeks in a strange place doesn’t faze her a bit.

That’s where the comparisons will inevitably be made - travel. The fees for China are fairly low (again, in comparison), but the travel long and expensive. The fees in Guatemala are higher, but the travel fairly short and cheap.

I believe that at some point, we’ll make the right decision - so, let the analysis and prayer begin!!!

Now I know how to get me one of those!

Well, at least I know more than I did yesterday. If you’ve been reading along, you know that we have yet to officially decide whether to adopt domestic or international. We took our first step in making that decision last night as we attended an international adoption orientation (IAO). Oddly enough, there is no such thing as a DAO (Domestic Adoption Orientation). The next step in both versions of the process will be to complete the preliminary application, followed by a formal application, which will include a fee. That’s the point at which we’ll need to have made up our minds, because that’s when our wallet starts to empty out. More on the process some other time, I want to share my initial thoughts the day after the IAO.

First off, I am soooooo glad we attended this meeting. I learned a lot, confirmed some hopes, cleared up some mis-conceptions, and had a milkshake. Oh wait that last part was when we stopped at Sonic on the way home! Yup there’s a Sonic in Lancaster County, not far from where I work - and according to my sources, more of them on their way to PA.

Anywho, the meeting was uber informative. There were 3 other couples there, and 1 woman by herself because her husband could not make it. We had a brief intro around the room, but other than that there wasn’t much inter-action between the adoptive couples outside of a few glances and nods as the presenter went through her info. For some reason, I expected it to be a little more touchy feely - with lots more prayer and sharing.

It’s become painfully obvious to me that we now live in a PowerPoint society. No one ever gives a presentation, seminar, or orientation without a slide show. The first things organizers always talk about are the slides. How many, when can you submit them, yabba dabba doo. So, as you can guess, the entire session focused around the presenter speaking along with a PowerPoint presentation. I suppose this is not a bad thing, just something I noticed yet again.

My intitial take when comparing this to domestic now, is that the total process is actually more predictable, potentially more affordable, and just as rewarding. Not sure if we are leaning toward international, but before last night, we were probably leaning away.

The adoption counselors WILL be getting personal with us. Again, I won’t rehash the whole process at this point, but in short – we’ll be interviewed together, then interviewed alone, then together again. They will ask questions about our history, growing up, how we met, what we do for a living, etc. A comprehensive interview. Then we’ll have to submit to physicals, blood tests, a home study, etc. We’ll be providing references, a copy of our will (which doesn’t exist yet – eek), and a pastoral reference.

There’s a great deal of variety in international adoptions. The presentation highlighted the 2 most popular countries, as well as some of the greater need and newer programs.
By far, most international adoptions through Bethany and any other organization are through China and Guatemala.

China: You wait 12+ months, get a referral, and travel a few weeks later. There are so many kids being adopted from China that you actually travel with a group and go through the process together. The need there is still quite high, but seems to be subsiding gradually over time as China modernizes. In all, there are 20,000 foreigners on the waiting list to adopt a Chinese orphan.

Guatemala: You wait 2-3 months, get a referral, then wait another 9 months before traveling. Interestingly, you can even visit your child during this period if you like, but have to come back later for the pick up. Birth mothers must submit to a DNA test and be interviewed several times throughout the process – all in an effort to fight corruption.

Russia: Similar to China as far as waiting, but the percentage of infants is lower. Not much else unique except that it’s customary for the adoptive parents to take all the officials involved out to dinner after the hearing. Yup, out to dinner – including the judge, social workers, lawyers, etc. Apparently, the reputation Russians have for celebrating holds true. Bring on the Vodka!

Haiti: This is actually the quickest and cheapest option, presumably because the need is so tremendous. Haiti might very well be the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere, and many of the children are HIV positive at birth. Thankfully, with modern drugs and their mother’s antibodies few remain so after the age of 2. The head of the orphanage, Dixie controls the process of matching kids with parents. Actually, if you believe her, the Holy Spirit is in charge, as she prays over each case and matches them at that time. Who am I to argue!

Kazakhstan: This is the only country that allows you to pick your own kid. Yup, you literally show up at the orphanage, take a look and make your choice. There’s a major need here, but the process is long and involves up to 2 months of travel.

Uzbekistan: A new program, also with major needs. The Uzbeks have an unusual system of government – the mayor of whatever town your in actually approves the adoption.

Not sure M will go for it, but I’m intrigued by the Uzbek possibilities. I mean, really, it’s Uzbekistan- it’s fun to say! It sounds like one of those place names you’d make up as part of your make believe world with your other 8-year-old friends. I know people who have been to China, Haiti, Russia, and Central America. There’s no way anyone I know has been anywhere near Uzbekistan. Of course, they did let us use one of their air bases for the first stage of the war on terror in Afghanistan.

In reality, I still don’t know which direction we’ll be led, but I can tell you we’re much more excited about adopting internationally than we had been up to this point. I had previously been leaning away from Guatemala, but now I’m much more open to that particular opportunity. Maybe my next post will focus more on that whole process discussion. It's sorta complicated, but sorta interesting at the same time. Lets just say we are thinkful for the adoption reforms that have taken place in this country in the last 6 years, but there's still a long way to go.

Relief & Anticipation

I finally finished my personal statement of faith. There's really no way to be sure it includes the types of things Bethany wants. The Packet includes a sheet with basic requirements. In this case, there are some requirements that seem a bit more geared toward belief, but as before, certainly nothing objectionable. We are to explain what we belief about the person of Jesus, and how the Holy Spirit has been active in our lives. Also, to be included are some expression of how our own faith has grown over time, and the ways in which we expect to instill a sense of faith in our children.

For anyone reading this who may not be familiar with this type of thing, the requirements seem to be this; in what ways would others see evidence of your faith in God, how has He blessed your life, and how would you go about teaching your children about Him. I think they are basically trying to find out if we are mature enough in our faith to be able to provide a Christian home for our adopted children.

I do a fair amount of writing at work. Software requirements, business cases, project outlines, etc. But this was very much a throwback to college and high school. It turned out to be exactly like I remember an essay to be. I really should have written my first draft in a blue book!!! Good thing I had teachers and profs like Mrs Cleavely and Dr. Moyer. If you went to Twin Valley or Millersville, you'll know who I'm talking about. And if so, you're either laughing or crying right now.

One way in which a statement of faith differs from an essay is that it's quite personal. There's no evidence to site, no metaphors to explain, and certainly no counter-argument to refute. At least it was open book.

I'm not going to get into a lot of detail, but if you want some idea of what I believe and how my faith has been formulated, at least in recent years - then read Romans - chapter 5. Yah, that pretty much sums it up for me.

So, now that the statement of faith is behind me, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow's meeting. The wife tells me it's called an "International Adoption Orientation Meeting." Filling out forms and writing essays may seem exciting, but going to an actual meeting will make the whole thing seem possible. We'll be making live contact with others interested in the same thing as us, and more importantly, the people that can help make it happen. Till next time...

Rod Chairs

I'm sure you are asking, what the heck is a rod chair? If you already know, then you must be some kind of home improvement nut, or perhaps you work construction. Until this past Monday, I had never heard of a rod chair. I don't know anyone named Rod, or even Rodney, or Rodalia, or whatever. Everyone knows what a chair is, so perhaps it's a chair made of rods? Or maybe a special chair for hardcore fisherman, particularly those who spend most of their time on a beach or pier?

Nope - these are rod chairs:


They are used to elevate iron rebar rods so they are properly suspended in new concrete. So, what's this have to do with adoption?



Let me explain. Someone at work has gotten me into the habit of making analogies for everything (ask me some other time about the Oracle/monkey analogy). Sometimes it helps him prove a valuable point, sometimes - well, it's just funny. We'll see how it goes for me.

Not to get into a lot of detail, we've got ourselves a new walkway out front. I see the adoption process as being very much the same as the process of creating a concrete walk. Think about it. You talk about it for a while, you discuss it with a few friends and family members. Then, you do nothing - you just put it off for a while because it seem over-whelming. It's totally unclear how much it will cost, so that delays it even more. You do research about it on the internet trying to determine the best methods. Then, finally, you decide to just do it.

The simalarities don't end there. Once you've made the decision, there's a ton of prep work. First you gotta mark off the area, dig it out, compact the existing soil. Then you build forms, which takes forever to get right. Then you lay rebar as the final prep before delivery. Then you wait. You wait for the big delivery. A huge amount of prep work in advance, then you literally wait because you are beholden to the concrete delivery schedule.

But once it arrives, there's a flurry of activity. 40 hours of prep work all comes down to this. It takes literally 20 minutes to pour the concrete out of the truck and spread it through the forms. If any mistakes were made in the prep, the whole thing will bust out and be worthless. Then you're screwed and you have to start over. But if you've prepared properly, the reward is outstanding. In just a few hours, all of your hard work pays off.

The same will be true of this adoption. We've been talking about it for a while. Discussing with a few friends and family, and researching on the web. Now, we're finally getting started. And I'm expecting all the prep work to be overwhelming. We'll have requirements to make changes to the house and yard from a safety point of view. We'll have to undergo counseling and evaluation to see if we're fit to be adoptive parents. We need more life insurance. We'll have to file all kinds of paperwork. There will be meetings in Lancaster and Harrisburg, and possibly multiple trips abroad. Then we will wait, because the delivery will be out of our control.

But the payoff will be a big flurry of activity. We'll finally learn that a child is availible for us. There will be a sense of excitement, and with one final dramatic effort, we'll be parents. If the prep work is done properly, those last few steps will be soooooo rewarding.

Oh, and back to the rod chairs - maybe you forgot!!! Rod chairs are an inexpensive, seemingly simple, but critical step. The rebar rods are worthless without them. If the rebar lays along the bottom, it's not helping, and the concrete will not benefit from them. Propping up the rebar on those rod chairs makes all the difference. Well - that's where you all come into the equation. You are our rod chairs. You might not realize it, but your prayers, advice, and just plain old moral support will be critical for us in during the preparation process. Our own faith and determination will be nothing, if it's not held up by your support.

So, if that all makes sense....

Thanks to you all for being our rod chairs!

Statement of What?

And so it begins.

Well I think we are officially in the process of adopting a child! Melissa (I’ll just use M from now on) contacted Bethany and signed us up for a presentation/meeting thingamagiggy next week. On top of that, the paperwork has begun. Now, I officially have too many projects going on at the same time, and I’m not even including the mish-mash of projects at work.

I’ve got a half weeded flowerbed (it’s a huge bed, so it takes a good 8 hours to clean it up once, especially if I don’t use chemicals or I neglect it for 18 months). I’ve got a bunch of strategically arranged 2X4s and iron rods awaiting the delivery of concrete tomorrow. I’ve got another area along the house cleared out awaiting new shrubs and hopefully decorative stone. Ok, one more – I’ve got 2 more windows to replace in the house in order to say we’ve officially got all new windows.

But judging by the info included in “The Packet”, I’m pretty darn sure I’ll be able to finish all those projects before we become parents. Oh, and that includes the fact that my parents are moving after having lived in the same house for 30 years. I’m sure that will be an interesting adventure for all four of us boys and girls. Yikes!

So, while M has yet to return from a meeting at church, I figured I better sit down and review what she’s got filled out so far. You might be wondering what the first steps are. Here’s one of my famous lists (get used to it) – I’ll stop at and comment on the step we’re completing now:

1) Get “The Packet”
2) Read “The Packet”
3) Pray your butt off because of what you learned in “The Packet”
4) Make an appointment for a scheduled Bethany presentation.
5a) Fill out a “Preliminary Adoption Application.”
5b) Sign a prepared “Statement of Faith.”
5c) Prepare your own “Statement of Faith.”

Yup, a statement of faith. To be more precise, the canned form includes a series of statements. When I first learned that this was the case, I must admit a smidgen of worry came over me. I am a Christian dude, and have been for quite some time. While I don’t believe anything particularly radical, there are a few key areas where my own beliefs differ from those of the typical Christian, as well as those of the typical Moravian – the particular flavor of which I am a member. Not sure if a “for instance” is in order, as I’ve said this blog is about my adoption experience. But, let’s just say I’ve had my share of Christians of all sorts peg me as pretty far to either extreme – which means I’m pretty hart to peg down, and I’d like it to stay that way!

Much to my relief, the Statement of Faith turns out to be exactly that. It’s anything but generic or wish-washy, but it is NOT a statement of belief. In other words, in order to adopt via Bethany Christian Services, I only need profess my Faith in Christ as the one true Savior. There’s nothing in the statement about Pastoral delineation, infant Baptism, pipe organs, or even whether it’s supposed to be called a graveyard or cemetery (Moravians will know where that one comes from).

Nothing in the statement should be the least bit objectionable to any Christian, whether Catholic, Lutheran, Mennonite, or Messianic Jew. I guess that’s the point – Bethany appears to be an ecumenical organization, which quite frankly, equates just fine with my own POV. Now that I’ve accepted the organization’s statement, I’ll need to write up a personal version – more on that next time.

The Packet - and the PM's adoption.

Alright, so we don't actually have any tasks in the bag. I may be a blogger, disc golfer, baseball fan, and map geek by night, but during the day I'm supposed to be a project manager. So, at some point, you can guarantee I'll create a a cost estimate, a task list, a timeline, and then a punch list and a set of risk items. But, we're not even far enough for any of that stuff. We're in what I would call the evaluation phase. We know we're going to do this, we just don't know exactly how, when, or who. So what tasks are in the bag.

Probably the biggest step so far was the fact that Melissa is no longer working. She left her position as a Child Care Center Director largely to concentrate on the whole process of adoption. It might seem like we're getting ahead of ourselves, but there will be lot's of work to do to to prepare the house for a family. We also might taking in foster kids for a period of time. The state will have a lot to say about the environment, and the adoption agency will be performing some home inspections. This will also give us some time to adjust our own living styles to a single income.

As I mentioned before, we've done a fair amount of online research. Of course, we've also talked about the concept of adoption with various friends and family off and on in recent years. One of the most well known adoption agencies,

Bethany Christian Services

has come up a number of times in web links, recomendations from friends, and the like.

So, we spent some time (both together and separately) checking out their web site. Then Melissa sent in a request for an information packet with initial application forms. I was concerned that the packet would be a giant re-hash of the web site. And since I hate wasting time, I was not looking forward to reviewing the packet. As it turns out, there was actually very little repeated info.

The packet included very detailed descriptions about the various international adoptions, as well as the requirements for who can and cannot adopt. Continuing with my obsession with creating lists, here are a couple of first impressions.

-There are really no major financial requirements. You need not be filthy rich to adopt, nor do you need a hundred grand in the bank. Yah, it can get expensive, but there are so many fincancing options out there, that pretty much anyone with a stable job and reasonable amount of debt would be eligible. After reviewing the numbers, I'd say that the monetary difference would be between financing a new or late model car vs. buying a just basic transportation. There are loans, grants, and tax credits for the taking.

-There's a ton of variety amongst the foreign adoption methods. Some countries require a 3 month stay and 10's of thousands of dollars in fees. Others require only 1500 bucks and a trip to the local airport to meet your adpoted child.

-Now for a surprise. Bethany documentation uses some FAQs and suggested reasons why a couple might want to adopt. But the packet also includes a list of the "wrong reasons to adopt." Among them:
--We will be doing the poor child a favor
--Having a baby to love will make me feel completed and loved

There are some others as well, but those 2 stuck me as odd. I mean - no, those are not exactly the reasons why we are adopting. I'm a somewhat spiritual person, so I believe God want's to adopt (no I don't hear voices, it's just a gut feeling). But anyway, if that's the case, then I must determine why it is that God wants us to adopt. Well, I'm hoping it's largely because I have much love to give, and we have the means to provide a good home for a child. Presumably, the life we could provide would be better in certain ways than it would otherwise for that child. Isnt' that really a nice way of saying we'd be doing the poor child a favor? And besides, what's so wrong with doing favors for poor children? I don't get it.

And isn't it true that having a baby to love will be fulfilling for Melissa and me? Ya, I know, adoption isn't a selfish endeavor, but if we go around pretending it won't be rewarding, we'd be develop fairly large noses - although this would be more noticeable on Melissa because her's is fairly average in size, while mine is rather prominant.

Anyway, much more to comment about "The Packet" later on.

Backtracking a bit

On to the catching up I mentioned. Where the heck are we going with this? Are we going to show up at the next gathering of friends and family with some mysterious kid in tow? Will we be calling you from the airport having just smuggled an orphan out of Albania? Can you expect you to see us rushing to the maternity ward without Melissa having ever gone through morning sickness? Geez, there's not quite that much catching up to do, but there is progress to report. Since I'm having so much fun with writing questions, then answering them myself as if I have split personalities, I'll just continue with that method.

Question #1: Do you plan domestic adoption or foreign adoption.
Answer #1: Yes. Actually, we don't know yet, we're still investigating each type and are literally 50/50 on the subject. More on that as I re-cap what we've learned in a future post.

Question #2: Do you plan an open or closed adoption?
Answer #2: Most likely closed, although there are several levels of open vs. closed. It just seems like an open adoption would lead to a potential world of problems that we'd just assume avoid. I'm not sure how Melissa feels, but I'm not totally opposed to providing some form of occasional update to birthparents, most likely in the form of a letter or e-mail. Don't get me wrong, I mean not to judge anyone who chooses some level of open-ness. We just don't believe that's the correct path for us.

Question #3: Boy or Girl?
Answer #3: We just hope it's a healthy baby!!! Ugh, I was never fan of that line. Who the heck wouldn't hope for health? It's like a politician he's for a clean environment, safe neighborhoods, and, well - healthy babies. As if his opponent has a polar opposite platform. Anyway, yah, healthy is great; sure, we'll take a healthy one. Perhaps one day I'll regret writing this as my adopted son discovers an archive of the original Internet, but if given a choice, I'd adopt a girl. The main reason for this has more to do with the makeup of my current family. I've got 4 nephews, with another on the way, and no nieces in sight. Of course, that means my siblings have no nieces either. That being said, I do have a great niece, who just arrived a couple weeks ago, and 2 step-nieces through various routes (a sisters step-daughter and my step-sister's daughter).
If we go with foreign adoption, odds are we'll end up with a girl. I can't remember the exact stats, but something like 3/4 of Asian adoptions are girls, and over half of Eastern European and Latin American are as well. Supposedly, this is because parents in those countries prefer boys over girls. I suppose there's a whole commentary to be written on that.

Hoping to make an impression

OK, now that I've answered a few basic questions, I actually have some catching up to do. This blog will be a fun way to allow me to keep anyone interested informed of our adoption progress, but I'd probably be keeping some kind of journal or timeline like this anyway - just for myself. I've never really done anything (non-work-related) that involves such a long process like this. I suppose it wouldn't be quite interesting if the whole deal were more predictable or very short. For instance, Melissa and I took a trip to the Holy Land in early 2000. It was quite an experience, and probably worthy of a journal of some type - but it would be a read it once and done kindof thing and to serve as "documentation" as we say in IT speak.

A blog is interesting if it's clearly an on-going saga, but can also be worth reading after the fact. A couple of good examples:

John Derbyshire's Treehouse

Dance This

Speedwell Forge

So hopefully, with that in mind, I'll be able keep folks informed, track our own progress, and have a little fun doing it.

Just getting started

OK, first off, about the title. Where can I get me one of these, refers to exactly what you think. A child. When getting started in the adoption process, you do a lot of reading, these days, reading on-line. More on that specifically later, but at its core for me this reading is about research to find out how to "get me one of these" meaning a child. The joke of it kinda started for me in 12 grade physics class where our teacher, Mr. Z had a set of molecule models. Actually, it was more like tinker toys, but for the purpose of constructing the various parts of molecular compounds. When Mr Z was first demonstrating the kit by passing pieces of it around, I blurted out "where can I get me one of these," as if a 17 year old kid would even be interested. The entire class erupted in laughter, including Mr Z. Now, whenever I see something really cool, but not something you just walk into a store a buy - like, maybe an electron microscope, or a predator drone, or an industrial meatball extruder - I say - well, you know.

Since I started by answering anticipated questions, I'll go ahead and answer a few more.

I suspect the first question would be - can't you have kids on your own? The short answer to that is - well, that's not the topic of this blog! The slightly longer answer is that we plan to do that, want to do that, but we don't believe conception and adoption need to be mutually exclusive. While quite a few people choose adoption because they cannot conceive, many have both conceived and adopted kids. In our case, the Lord has not yet blessed us with a pregnancy, but we've always planned to adopt, so we believe we should begin this process right now.