Pre-Approved!!!

OK, now "Pre" Approval sure doesn't sound by it's name to be as exciting as it really is, but believe me, it's by far the biggest step we've achieved to date as far as the legal process goes.

PA - consists of the US immigration process that is necessary to bring CJ home. It's literally pre-approval of a travel visa to bring her into the good old US of A!!! They call it Pre because they await final approval of the Guatemalan Attorney General's office (PGN) to finally issue that visa. Fittingly, the PGN will not approve the case until the US Embassy issues it's PA. So here we are, the first step in the fun back and forth now completed.

As I mentioned earlier, our attorney in Guatemala has really been on top of things on our behalf. He actually submitted our case to the PGN weeks ago, knowing it would be initially sent back to him (KO'ed) due to the lack of PA. The advantage of this is that he should know at that time exactly what other problems might be identified (PGN requires a boatload of info - not just PA). Chances are that file has already been KO'ed, and will hopefully be resubmitted soon. Often times, we just don't know about it until a couple of weeks later.

So, we keep truckin along!!! Unfortunately, this still does not give us an answer to the lingering question of "when can we bring her home". But it does provide much greater certainty that our initial goal of traveling at least by January may come true. I've been saying a lot more lately that we're hoping and praying to have her home by Christmas. Not getting hopes up at all, but I can no longer deny that it's a real possibility. But the way this process goes, we won't know that for sure until closer to Thanksgiving.

That's it for now - hopefully we'll see more updates in a couple of weeks letting us know we've been out then back in over at PGN. It's been a great couple of weeks - we're due for a lull in activity!

Carmensita really is that amazing!!!

And she really is this cute...

And this beautiful...
Yup - that's right - we're home from visiting our little Carmen - or as her foster family refers to her - Carmensita.

As my wife just told her father - she has me totally wrapped around her little finger. CJ is the sweetest little girl in the world. Her smile lights up a room, but she's a little stubborn with her laughs. Actually, many of her smiles are little smirks that sometimes develop in to full blown smiles and sometimes do not. She loves to be held, and hugged, and kissed. She's not at all bothered by noisiness and in fact prefers that you go ahead and be loud! She likes to eat about every 3 hours and will tell you with all her might when she's hungry.


We flew down last Sunday afternoon from Philly via Miami, with a fairly uneventful flight. It's 2 2.5 hour flights that way, with a 2.5 hour layover in Miami (not the most pleasant airport in the world). Even with smooth travels, we were weary, and anxious for the next day to come. We traveled with Carmen's Tia S - who really helped with advise, a little Spanish, and of course - videos and snapshots.

The plan:

1. Meet Carmen, her foster mommy - N and translator - O, at 10AM Monday in the hotel lobby.
2. Spend Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday with her
3. N will come back to hotel mid-day Thursday to take her home
4. We spend the next day and a half as tourists - possibly visiting Antigua (a beautiful colonial town about an hour from Guatemala City.
5. Then we head home Saturday

Reality in Guatemala:

1. We awake Monday morning, brimming with anticipation, but expecting Carmen to be a little late as we were warned might be the case.
2. The phone doesn't ring until 10:45, but it's not O.
3. We call O at 11:30, and leave him a message.
4. The phone proceeds to ring 3 more times, including a call from O telling us they will arrive around 2:30 with the baby.
5. The phone rings around 2:35 - it's O in the lobby with Carmen and N.
6. We head downstairs, Carmen is placed in our arms and we review all kinds of info. B shows up just as N and O are about to leave so we get to meet her as well.
7. O unexpectedly tells us that N and B will meet us in the lobby of the hotel at 5PM Friday!!!
8. We spend the week with Carmen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9. We head down to the lobby at 4:55, N walks in at 5:00.
10. B finally shows up around 5:50, after having been called by N.
11. We travel back to the US, slightly down in the dumps, but confident because N is so awesome.

There you have it - our week in a nutshell. But it was so much more than that. It was so much more than diapers (yes - she peed during one of my diaper changes), bottles, drool, zerberts, and naps.

But, then again, that's exactly what it was about. It was about getting to know our Carmensita. And we learn about her through her play, how she eats, and how she laughs and cries. Right now she expresses who she is through these things.

Will she remember us? Not really sure. We made an audio tape of us playing, singing, and talking to her, which N was looking forward to playing for her. This might help in that regard. We're pretty sure she missed her Momma N, as she has known only her foster family since day 10 of her life. What an amazing family she has in Guatemala.
She loves to play with her hands and suck on her fingers and wrists. She hiccups quite a bit and yawns regularly - we have both on video. She has smooth brown skin and a complexion that looks great in yellow, blue, and green. She has beautiful deep brown, expressive eyes - I can see my reflection in them - literally.

As you can see above, her hands and fingers seem a little large, but her feet are a bit on the small side.


As luck would have it, we received a new set of pictures, a medical report, and a case update while we were there with her. She's 16 lbs now at 4 months old - very healthy. We're still waiting on Pre-Approval from the US Embassy, but the case has entered PGN - the Guatemala attorney general's office that handles adoption cases. They will review the file, and tell our lawyer what items must be fixed. We know for sure the Pre-Approval must be there, but some lawyers will submit knowing this so they can find the other potential problems and fix them quickly. Not sure yet if this will speed up our case in the end game, but it may give us more certainty a little further down the road.

It was an amazing week. Totally amazing. She's a wonderful little girl who is developing her own personality right now. Her family right now in Guatemala loves her to pieces. We were are at piece knowing she is so loved- this helped us a great deal as we watched her leave us.

We will be back. Soon I pray.

I've got tons more pics (as does Tia S), so I'll share more soon. We've also got hours and hours of video (again thanks mostly to Tia), which I'll share as well. Not sure exactly how I'll accomplish this yet.

I must end this post with the cutest picture in the history of photography. You've seen all kinds of cute pictures in your day right? Babies, puppies, kittens, babies with puppies, kittens with puppies. All of them are cute.

But not like this. I present to you: CJ lounging the pool with one of her trademark smirks.

Good Grief - DNA Match!!!

As was the case earlier, not much time or energy to post. It's been a crazy day - but we've got just about the best news possible at this point in the process.

The DNA test was done, and we've already got the results - it's a match! Simply put, this means that the woman who presented Carmen for adoption is, in fact, her mother - as proven by a standard maternity test. This is important because it proves to the powers that be at the US embassy that things so far are on the up and up.

More importantly, it acts as an safety point in the process that allows us to plan a visit trip to meet our daughter in person! As you can see, this is a huge deal!

What's more crazy - we totally did not expect it. Generally, folks in the process get some kind of notice that the test is scheduled or has taken place, then sit around nervously waiting for the result. For us, we just learned that the test was authorized a couple of weeks ago, then whammo - the results show up on our door step - we learned about it before our social worker!

What an amazing day for us, but I must digress a tad and mention that our joy is most certainly not matched by Carmen's birth mother. The paperwork we received today included photos of her holding her daughter close, one with a slight smile, one with a slight frown. These pictures will be very important as we share this entire story with Carmen one day. Both of the people in these photos are experiencing a great deal of loss and we cannot come close to relating. More reflection on this will come out in the future I'm sure.

So, now it's off to start planning our visit trip, and to begin the countdown to pre-approval by the US Embassy (DNA match is the starting point). We haven't even talked it over with our social worker yet, so we'll keep you all posted - by the time we plan it all out, it could still be several weeks. Time to get some sleep!!!!

Quick update and another FAQ

Just a quick update, then I want to get to explaining some more details. Our referral acceptance documents are on their way to Guatemala! When they get there, the process will really get rolling!

OK, here are a few more answers to the most common questions we've gotten. It's not that we have new information or anything, but some things are better explained after the initial excitement. Hopefully, this won't be too boring considering I posted a similar list a couple weeks ago! Trust me, I've got more detail in this one. If you've actually asked one of these questions, please don't fell like I'm singling you out. In fact, each of these questions has been asked at least 3-4 times, most of them by more than that.

1) Will she ever open her eyes?
OK actually, that's my question. I stare at her picture quite a bit and wonder if maybe her eyes will open. It never happens. We'll have to wait until the next set - hopefully in the next few weeks.

2) Why does it take so long?
This is actually the #1 question, and would take several pages to fully explain. The short answer I usually give is that we have a legal process to go through - not all that different than a domestic adoption legal process. In reality, it is very different, but the point is that it takes time for the courts and agencies there to approve the case. Here's a basic outline

A) Translation and registry of official documents in Guatemala.
*This process for us will start next week, and could take up to 2 months, putting us into July

B) Pre-approval of case by US Embassy, and Guatemala Family court
*Another 2-3 month process, starting in July - putting us into September-October

C) Guatemala Attorney General (PGN) approval process starts after the pre-approvals
*Yet another 3 months - putting us in the December time frame.

D) Final registry in Guatemala and issuance of birth certificate, passport, and visa.
*The time for this can vary depending on what time of year, but it seems to be taking about 5 weeks right now. Right there, we're into Jan of 2008 under a very good case scenario.

E) Embassy appointment and travel to pick up Carmen! *OK, here's where it should make sense now that we're saying Jan/Feb of 2008.

3) Do you know anything about her family in Guatemala?
We know a little bit and will probably learn more through the family court process. It'll be up to Carmen when she is older whether to discuss this outside the family. We do know the names of her birth mother and grandparents, as well as her home town, and the name of the hospital in which she born. We will probably get a little more family background information and some additional pictures of Carmen's birth mother, and there's also a chance we will be able to meet her while we're in Guatemala.
I feel a little bad continuing to call her "birth mother" because she is a woman with a name, but we're supposed to be discreet about such things for the time being.
Some people shorten it to BM - I find that distasteful.
Another common term is first mother. That's OK, but I think it's awkward.
Some of you will probably hear us use her actual name in conversation if you have not already.

4) Why did her birth mother relinquish her?
We get this question quite a bit, and I believe it's mostly out of concern for Carmen. It is difficult to imagine why someone would relinquish a child, but she must not be judged in any way by us for doing so. Like I've said before, it's critical that Carmen understand that her birth mother loves her and cares very much about her well being. I think I'll get into explaining this a little more later on.

5) What about that name again?
OK, we've gotten a lot of positive comments on the name Carmen. We just love that name, but to be honest, we chose it way before we knew we were adopting from Latin America. The fact that it's a Spanish name is merely a cooikidink. As I've said, Julia is my late mother's name and we feel this is a good way for the entire family to honor her. López provides a connection to Carmen's birth family. But, after learning a little bit more about her birth name, were thinking about using Maribel - the name she received at birth. Just about everyone that has learned this as her birth name has just loved it as much as we do. But the red-head and I were both thinking about it and are seriously considering using it.
Carmen Julia Maribel? This this might be the way to go, but it's not a decision that need to be final until she arrives home though.

6) I have a friend/relative/co-worker who adopted or was adopted.
To be quite frank - this usually leads to a beautiful story of creating a family or a horror story of red tape or worse. Each individual case is unique, but the general process from country to country is also unique. In Guatemala, adoptions are generally a private arrangement, much like here in the US, with certain government over-sight and safeguards and laws aimed at protecting children and families. As much as this is a family building process, it's also a social service and legal process. There are opportunities for corruption, and I'm sure many of you have seen 20/20 type stories exposing all of that. Yes it still happens, but there are thousands of adoptions that are 100% ethical, as will ours be. That doesn't mean we won't run into problems or red tape, but we hope to minimize that.
As for the positive stories, keep them coming. It's a joy to hear about all the different ways people become a family. Learning from the rest of you, only helps us to become stronger.

7) Are you still planning that Guatemala night?
Yes - not sure exactly when it will take place - probably over the summer. Perhaps it will be a good activity during the dog days of Summer (like August) when folks won't mind spending a couple of hours indoors learning about Guatemala, adoption, and sharing in fellowship. We still need more tamale practice. Stay tuned!

That's it for now folks. We're hoping some more pictures and a video arrive soon. Carmen is now 6 weeks old! I can't wait to see how much she's changed!

A little more about Carmen

OK, so - I'm sure you want some more details. The first thing I want to say is that please know that just because I have this blog, do not hesitate to call, email, write or whatever. Yes - my blog is a place to provide updates, but it's also about reflection.

Today, we received more information about the information we already have - so that was kinda neat - if that makes any sense. Mostly it was further explanation about some of the documents, including some translation of the standard medical report used by the Bethany doctor for checkups.

So, I think this update should take the form of an FAQ. I must say, it's taken me till now to get back to thinking analytically in any sense. Even now, I can't go more than 10 min without glancing over at one of the pictures I have either in my cubicle or around the house. Better yet - minimize everything on my laptop and I'll see Carmen's beautiful face on my desktop.
............
OK, I'm back from doing that.

1) Look at all that hair!!
OK, that's more of a statement, but ya - she's got a lot of hair!!!

2) When can you bring her home?
I wish it would be tomorrow, but we have a lengthy process to go through in Guatemala - check the time-line along the right hand side and you'll see what I mean. In a lot of ways, the referral is the beginning of the process!
The time frames typically average 8-9 months. We'd be extremely lucky to have her home by the end of the year which would be about 7 months. More likely, it will be some time around Feb of 2008. This is what we are prepared for, but there are cases that take 12 months or longer if there's paperwork problems.

3) How'd you pick her name?
Carmen is a name that the red-head and I really love. We actually have been talking about using that name for a little girl way before we started the adoption process. Julia is my late Mother's name. López provides a connection to her birth-family.

4) Where is she now?
Right now she lives with a foster family in Guatemala. Much like temporary foster care here in the US, they will work with our agency to make sure Carmen receives all the attention and care she needs and deserves. They have raised four children, and fostered other infants, so they are more than capable.

5) Will you get updates?
Yup. CJ's foster mother will take her to the doctor about once a month for a check-up. She'll also take her into the Bethany office regularly for a progress report and pictures. These will be passed on to us along with her medical reports. The next big thing we're actually waiting on is a video!!! That should come in a month or two.

6) How did she end up being placed for adoption?
We really don't know a lot about that yet. We do have some information about pieces and parts of the circumstances, but that's not the kind of thing I would share on a blog. It's really impossible for us to even imagine what CJ's Birth Mother is going through. As I've said before, she deserves our prayers and respect.

7) Will you get to visit Carmen?
We certainly hope so!!! We have to get through a couple of early steps in the process, then we'll be allowed to visit. If we can arrange and afford it, we'll go for a visit some time in early fall.

8) What will you do with yourselves in the mean time?
Oh, we'll keep busy. I believe it will help that most of the wait will be through Summer, where we can get out and be active more easily. There's still quite a bit to do here at home to prepare for Carmen's arrival. We have her room to paint and arrange - that alone will take some work. We've got a list of chores around the house that will occupy plenty of time over the coming months.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!!! Not a lot of variety in the photos, she was pretty zonked out during her visit to the office.

Check out the timeline!

As I learned from many a good programmer - stealing code and ideas should be encouraged!!!

So, in that spirit, I got the idea to post our timeline in the right-frame of the blog. Any time I mention a particular step in the process, you can reference this to get an idea of the whole order of things. Hopefully, this will also be helpful for anyone out there considering adoption for your family.

I took the dates right out of my Adoption Project file, which outlines all the details behind these 38 steps. In reality, I have something like 150 steps, but that includes things like reading the 3 books, gathering up additional dossier documents, preparing a will, etc. What you see here are the major "hurdle" type steps that we've completed, as well as the ones projected in the future. The project file also includes all the goal dates, actual dates, costs, and people involved. If anyone would like to see more detail than this, I'd be glad to share a modified version of our spreadsheet so you can get an idea.

As you can see, the next step is doozy - in a good way of course. It will all become very real when we get that referral. We'll have pictures, family background info, medical report, etc. We'll probably know where in Guatemala CJ was born, and possibly the name of her foster parents. We won't be able to share all of that with everyone, but we are very much looking forward to sharing pictures with friends and family!!!

Uncle Sam officially says - "Go for it"

This is the most glorious envelope in the history of envelopes - and it arrived in our mailbox today.



Why? Well, inside this envelope was the first of 2 things we've been waiting on - our USCIS approval. This is necessary before we can receive that referral. At this point, the US immigration service has officially said we are permitted to bring home CJ, and have informed the US Embassy in Guatemala of our intentions to do so.

So now, there's nothing standing in the way except time. We're close to 2 months into the wait, so I'm sure we've moved up the list a bit by now!

Anyway - this is actually a huge step - the Red Head cried when she saw it, but unfortunately I was at work and didn't get to see her initial reaction. Let's just say we've been on cloud 9 all evening, and it'll be another sleepless weekend, just due to all the excitement.

Hopefully soon we will have another envelope that will blow this one away!

Hanging on for the ride!!!

I've got some good news, but no referral or immigration approval. This is news that you might be surprised to hear considering I didn't share the bad news that precedes it. Let me explain.

Hopefully, this isn't too much boring detail but I need to backtrack a bit.

Most countries involved in international adoptions are signatories to a treaty (The Hague Convention) that supposedly creates standards and safeguards for the adoption process. All countries must implement legislation that brings them into compliance. Guatemala is lagging in this area. If the US ratifies the treaty before they become compliant, adoptions there could be halted. We are in good shape for that timing as ratification isn't expected until late 2007 or 2008.

But, in the mean time, politicians in Guatemala are debating various methods for implementing revisions to their adoption system. Last week, President Berger announced some guidelines that he believes should be part of that system. Given that Guatemala is still a young Democracy, there was some concern that he would attempt to implement these changes without legislative approval. Keep in mind that this would not have meant our adoption would be halted, but it would have meant a major delay.

The bad news (that we never confirmed 100% until today) is that during this little "scare" Bethany suspended all referrals. While we are on the waiting list, we cannot get a referral until that pesky immigration approval shows up. So it was a bit nerve-racking, but not critical to us yet. Although it did put a nice scare into some of our friends also on the waiting list.

The good news is that they have re-opened referrals!!! Also, Bethany has determined with a fairly high level of confidence that the President and Congress of Guatemala will be working more closely with the adoption community on creating a solution to become compliant without creating major delays. God willing, we will only be scrutinized more than otherwise, but hopefully the time line will not be impacted a great deal.

So, the bottom line is that we continue to wait for the immigration approval and the referral of our little Carmen. There were a lot of people out there praying that this current bump in the road would be resolved, and it looks like it has been. Sorry to all those in the blogosphere that I did not mention the issue while it was happening, but until we heard directly from our social worker, there were just too many rumors swirling around the issue and I'm not much for passing around rumors. Folks who have been through this before will tell you that these types of scares are par for the course when it comes to Guatemalan adoptions. Let me tell you these past couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster - or at least a tilt-a-whirl.

About Guatemalan adoptions

OK, this is going to sound a bit like another commentary and I kinda promised myself, and perhaps any readers of this blog, that I would not get controversial. This is about the struggle and joy of bringing home our baby girl. Being able to keep you all updated with this technology has been a blessing - I've had several people approach me and say - congratulations on getting on the waiting list after having seen it on the blog! Your thoughts and prayers mean more than I can ever express.

So, I want to address some of the difficulties and concerns about foreign adoptions in general and Guatemalan adoption specifically. There are all kinds of issues surrounding domestic adoption as well, an addition so specific worries for each of the countries that allow Americans to adopt. I'm sure most of you don't pay as much attention to these things as I do, but Guatemalan adoptions have shown up in the news lately, and not totally in a positive light.

The Problems:
If you really want to know the specifics, start googling, but I can tell you I've read just about all of it and it does NOT in any way apply to the process we are going through. The various proposals and controversies MAY, however, impact our process at some point as they lead to closer scrutiny of international adoption cases. We, and our agency welcome the scrutiny because we KNOW we are doing everything legally and ethically. This is not always the case, and sadly, it's these cases that make the news and lead to political blather and even harsh legislation. Never will you see the headlines, "Happy family brought together from thousands of miles apart!" or "Well respected agency assists family and child to unite!"

I really want to stay positive, but think along with me about it as I describe the safeguards in place for our own process.

What are we paying for exactly?
Our agency provides a legal disclosure of their fees up front, and opens their books to us so we can see specifically the destination of those fees. They do not pay off birth mothers to "give up" their child. In fact, the birth mother is counseled extensively to ensure she understands and truly desires to make an adoption plan for her child. Some of the fees we pay will be used by Bethany for the care of Carmen (formula, medical care, diapers!) while she is with her foster family - similar to the stipend that the government provides for foster parents here in the States. Some of the fees are used for the processing of paperwork in both the US and Guatemala and for the services provided by the Bethany social workers in both countries as well. Just like any legal process, there are fees involved. Just like caring for any infant, there are quite a few expenses.

How does the agency know the child is really an orphan?
As you have read in much detail, the red head and I have already gone through quite a bit of screening to ensure that we are fit to be be parents and to bring a child into our home from another country. Similarly, the birth mother will end up signing off 3 separate times and submitting to a DNA test to match the baby before things can be finalized in Guatemala. Every time I think about that, I wonder how hard it must be for her. First to come to the realization that adoption might be the best thing, then to not legally be allowed to just get it over with in one shot. Let me tell you, birth mothers in this process are not abandoning their children, they truly are making plans for them to be raised by someone else.

What happens to CJ between referral and coming home?
Similarly, foster parents go through extensive screening and training by Bethany staff, ensuring that they understand their role and provide a safe and loving atmosphere while the legal process continues. It truly takes a dedicated and strong family to foster under any circumstances. They are responsible for so much, and I read over and over how emotional the "hand over" day can be for them. Many of the foster parents are empty nesters, or have teenage children still at home, so they are able to provide good temporary homes, but may not be able to adopt. The foster parent's role is to be honored and valued as well.

Why does it take so long?
Actually, I'm pretty sure the discussion above answers that question. CJ cannot simply be whisked away as soon as her birth mother initiates the adoption plan. 3 main things must happen that each take 1-3 months. 1) DNA test ensuring a match. 2) The Guatemalan government must review the case, interview the birth mother and sign off. 3) The US government reviews the case, provides a medical screening of Carmen, and signs off for the immigration. These are all legitimate and necessary safeguards that are necessary to protect the rights of all parties involved.

Alrighty then. I hope that wasn't too heavy, and I'm sorry if that seems to have come out of left field. There really has been some news and commentary lately, so it's been on my heart to share that with the blogosphere. Because I already feel a sort of connection with Guatemala and Central America, I actually have a lot more commentary in my head in relation to adoption legislation, US-Guatemalan relations(both current and historic), and government and private aid. E-mail me or ask me in person if really want t know - I'm leaving it out of the blog.

We're in the system

More good news for those of you worried about us shady characters. Not only did we pass our various background and drug tests - but now the Department of Homeland Security's United States Citizenship and Immigration Office has our fingerprints! So, if we ever return to our life of crime, we'll have to start wearing gloves.

Yup, we've been fingerprinted- which is part of the requirements for gaining approval to bring a foreign born orphan into the country. And in our case, it's part of the requirement for CJ to gain her own citizenship by classifying her as an immediate relative (our daughter) - this all part of the I-600 process.

We had 2 options for places to have these fingerprints taken, Philadelphia and York. If anyone out there has to decide which place to go, don't even hesitate - drive to York. It's right off the bypass, the office is in a neat little farmhouse, and the people there were extremely nice.

Don't get me wrong, they've got some cool technology. Fingerprints are not done with ink anymore. They have this nifty scanning device. They spray some special solution on your fingers, wipe off the little scanner pad, stick the finger there, click a foot pedal and you're in the system. All fingers, thumbs, plus 4 fingers at once - both hands. The coolest part? The one lady was in a particularly good mood - all of their visits that day were from adopting parents!

Now, we wait for final approval of the I-600 and completion of the home study report.