Quick update and another FAQ

Just a quick update, then I want to get to explaining some more details. Our referral acceptance documents are on their way to Guatemala! When they get there, the process will really get rolling!

OK, here are a few more answers to the most common questions we've gotten. It's not that we have new information or anything, but some things are better explained after the initial excitement. Hopefully, this won't be too boring considering I posted a similar list a couple weeks ago! Trust me, I've got more detail in this one. If you've actually asked one of these questions, please don't fell like I'm singling you out. In fact, each of these questions has been asked at least 3-4 times, most of them by more than that.

1) Will she ever open her eyes?
OK actually, that's my question. I stare at her picture quite a bit and wonder if maybe her eyes will open. It never happens. We'll have to wait until the next set - hopefully in the next few weeks.

2) Why does it take so long?
This is actually the #1 question, and would take several pages to fully explain. The short answer I usually give is that we have a legal process to go through - not all that different than a domestic adoption legal process. In reality, it is very different, but the point is that it takes time for the courts and agencies there to approve the case. Here's a basic outline

A) Translation and registry of official documents in Guatemala.
*This process for us will start next week, and could take up to 2 months, putting us into July

B) Pre-approval of case by US Embassy, and Guatemala Family court
*Another 2-3 month process, starting in July - putting us into September-October

C) Guatemala Attorney General (PGN) approval process starts after the pre-approvals
*Yet another 3 months - putting us in the December time frame.

D) Final registry in Guatemala and issuance of birth certificate, passport, and visa.
*The time for this can vary depending on what time of year, but it seems to be taking about 5 weeks right now. Right there, we're into Jan of 2008 under a very good case scenario.

E) Embassy appointment and travel to pick up Carmen! *OK, here's where it should make sense now that we're saying Jan/Feb of 2008.

3) Do you know anything about her family in Guatemala?
We know a little bit and will probably learn more through the family court process. It'll be up to Carmen when she is older whether to discuss this outside the family. We do know the names of her birth mother and grandparents, as well as her home town, and the name of the hospital in which she born. We will probably get a little more family background information and some additional pictures of Carmen's birth mother, and there's also a chance we will be able to meet her while we're in Guatemala.
I feel a little bad continuing to call her "birth mother" because she is a woman with a name, but we're supposed to be discreet about such things for the time being.
Some people shorten it to BM - I find that distasteful.
Another common term is first mother. That's OK, but I think it's awkward.
Some of you will probably hear us use her actual name in conversation if you have not already.

4) Why did her birth mother relinquish her?
We get this question quite a bit, and I believe it's mostly out of concern for Carmen. It is difficult to imagine why someone would relinquish a child, but she must not be judged in any way by us for doing so. Like I've said before, it's critical that Carmen understand that her birth mother loves her and cares very much about her well being. I think I'll get into explaining this a little more later on.

5) What about that name again?
OK, we've gotten a lot of positive comments on the name Carmen. We just love that name, but to be honest, we chose it way before we knew we were adopting from Latin America. The fact that it's a Spanish name is merely a cooikidink. As I've said, Julia is my late mother's name and we feel this is a good way for the entire family to honor her. López provides a connection to Carmen's birth family. But, after learning a little bit more about her birth name, were thinking about using Maribel - the name she received at birth. Just about everyone that has learned this as her birth name has just loved it as much as we do. But the red-head and I were both thinking about it and are seriously considering using it.
Carmen Julia Maribel? This this might be the way to go, but it's not a decision that need to be final until she arrives home though.

6) I have a friend/relative/co-worker who adopted or was adopted.
To be quite frank - this usually leads to a beautiful story of creating a family or a horror story of red tape or worse. Each individual case is unique, but the general process from country to country is also unique. In Guatemala, adoptions are generally a private arrangement, much like here in the US, with certain government over-sight and safeguards and laws aimed at protecting children and families. As much as this is a family building process, it's also a social service and legal process. There are opportunities for corruption, and I'm sure many of you have seen 20/20 type stories exposing all of that. Yes it still happens, but there are thousands of adoptions that are 100% ethical, as will ours be. That doesn't mean we won't run into problems or red tape, but we hope to minimize that.
As for the positive stories, keep them coming. It's a joy to hear about all the different ways people become a family. Learning from the rest of you, only helps us to become stronger.

7) Are you still planning that Guatemala night?
Yes - not sure exactly when it will take place - probably over the summer. Perhaps it will be a good activity during the dog days of Summer (like August) when folks won't mind spending a couple of hours indoors learning about Guatemala, adoption, and sharing in fellowship. We still need more tamale practice. Stay tuned!

That's it for now folks. We're hoping some more pictures and a video arrive soon. Carmen is now 6 weeks old! I can't wait to see how much she's changed!

A toy when it throws the teeth

That would be a teething ring.

Want a better explanation? I could have named this entry "a tinkling one" - but I just didn't want certain google searches coming up with that too easily.

The while a tinkling one would be a baby rattle you see in the group of nifty stuff below. Both items, along with a blankie, an outfit, 2 washcloths, 3 pairs of socks, 2 onesies, a "who loves baby" photo book, and 2 single use cameras. Carmen's foster family will use one camera for themselves, and return the other to us with pictures we can share with Carmen to remember her foster family.



We also included a letter to the foster family just saying hello, explaining what we included in the package, and making sure they know we care and pray for them as well. A dear friend of ours knows a lot about the Spanish language, as well as Spanish and Latin American culture. He was a huge help in translating our letter and giving us advice on the best way to get our point across. Just for fun, we took his translated letter and popped it back into babblefish, just to see what it would do with the newly formulated Spanish. Hence - a tinkling one and a toy when it throws the teeth. Apparently, we're also asking them to "to remove photos from Carmen with its family, so that we pruned ourselves to bring to house after our visit."

Our agency hooked us up with a family who are headed to Guatemala to meet their beautiful daughter. We've met so many great people through this process, and these folks are kind enough help us out. In turn, when we finally get our chance to travel to see Carmen, we'll take packages down for other Bethany families.

We had to fit it all into a gallon size zip top bag. A lot of folks call these "Ziplocks of love" - I'm not sure I want that showing up on a google search either! Here's how it turned out.



It's a pretty exciting step, our first moment to reach out and touch Carmen.

A little more about Carmen

OK, so - I'm sure you want some more details. The first thing I want to say is that please know that just because I have this blog, do not hesitate to call, email, write or whatever. Yes - my blog is a place to provide updates, but it's also about reflection.

Today, we received more information about the information we already have - so that was kinda neat - if that makes any sense. Mostly it was further explanation about some of the documents, including some translation of the standard medical report used by the Bethany doctor for checkups.

So, I think this update should take the form of an FAQ. I must say, it's taken me till now to get back to thinking analytically in any sense. Even now, I can't go more than 10 min without glancing over at one of the pictures I have either in my cubicle or around the house. Better yet - minimize everything on my laptop and I'll see Carmen's beautiful face on my desktop.
............
OK, I'm back from doing that.

1) Look at all that hair!!
OK, that's more of a statement, but ya - she's got a lot of hair!!!

2) When can you bring her home?
I wish it would be tomorrow, but we have a lengthy process to go through in Guatemala - check the time-line along the right hand side and you'll see what I mean. In a lot of ways, the referral is the beginning of the process!
The time frames typically average 8-9 months. We'd be extremely lucky to have her home by the end of the year which would be about 7 months. More likely, it will be some time around Feb of 2008. This is what we are prepared for, but there are cases that take 12 months or longer if there's paperwork problems.

3) How'd you pick her name?
Carmen is a name that the red-head and I really love. We actually have been talking about using that name for a little girl way before we started the adoption process. Julia is my late Mother's name. López provides a connection to her birth-family.

4) Where is she now?
Right now she lives with a foster family in Guatemala. Much like temporary foster care here in the US, they will work with our agency to make sure Carmen receives all the attention and care she needs and deserves. They have raised four children, and fostered other infants, so they are more than capable.

5) Will you get updates?
Yup. CJ's foster mother will take her to the doctor about once a month for a check-up. She'll also take her into the Bethany office regularly for a progress report and pictures. These will be passed on to us along with her medical reports. The next big thing we're actually waiting on is a video!!! That should come in a month or two.

6) How did she end up being placed for adoption?
We really don't know a lot about that yet. We do have some information about pieces and parts of the circumstances, but that's not the kind of thing I would share on a blog. It's really impossible for us to even imagine what CJ's Birth Mother is going through. As I've said before, she deserves our prayers and respect.

7) Will you get to visit Carmen?
We certainly hope so!!! We have to get through a couple of early steps in the process, then we'll be allowed to visit. If we can arrange and afford it, we'll go for a visit some time in early fall.

8) What will you do with yourselves in the mean time?
Oh, we'll keep busy. I believe it will help that most of the wait will be through Summer, where we can get out and be active more easily. There's still quite a bit to do here at home to prepare for Carmen's arrival. We have her room to paint and arrange - that alone will take some work. We've got a list of chores around the house that will occupy plenty of time over the coming months.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!!! Not a lot of variety in the photos, she was pretty zonked out during her visit to the office.

Dear Carmen,

You were born in a small rural village in Guatemala on April 20, 2007. You weighed 8 lbs 4 oz, and were almost 21 inches. You were born healthy, beautiful, and vibrant - well cared for by a loving mother who carried you in her womb.

You are beautiful, sweet, amazing. You are loved by many in your homeland and here in your future home. You will be loved and cherished by your foster family, while your forever family anxiously awaits your arrival in America.
Carmen Julia López - you have arrived in our hearts forever on May 14, 2007.




That's right, we received our referral today (Monday). We signed a bunch of paperwork, made a bunch of phone calls, rode around 2 counties visiting family, and e-mailing like crazy. Now the blogosphere knows about this amazing little baby that just entered our lives. More info and reflection later - it's late - time for bed (like I'll really sleep tonight).

New Life for Carmen

No referral just yet. It could happen any day now, but not just yet.



I've been thinking a lot lately about preparing for CJ. Making a room for her, organizing the house. Talking about her with our family and friends, including our nephews, who have heard us discuss her, and oddly seem to understand that she'll be coming home, but not just yet.

Our dogwoods are blooming right now, as I'm sure you've seen if you live in the same basic climate as SE Pennsylvania. What's this have to do with preparing for Carmen to come home? It's about planting new life to represent when she comes into our lives.
I love dogwoods, they have large-ish, but still delicate looking flowers, and nifty crooked and variable(some smooth spots, some rough, dark and light) bark covered branches.



The former owners of our home (one of whose parents built the place) were kind and loving people who were raised 3 girls here. For each one, they planted a dogwood tree in the front or side yard. So, we have 3 beautiful dogwoods, each one a little bit bigger than the other. The girls were all teenagers when they moved out, so 8 years later, each of those dogwoods are now over 20 years old.



I really like this tradition, and have decided to plant a tree some time in the next year or so, perhaps this fall in honor of CJ coming into our lives. The problem is we have 2 dogwoods in the front on either side of the walk, then a dogwood and magnolia in the side yard. All of these are nicely spaced so that there really isn't a good spot for a decorative tree out front. So, we'll be finding a spot in the back yard where we have a mix of sun, part shade, and full canopy shade. I have not decided if it will in fact be a dogwood, or some other type - the red-head has always wanted a weeping cherry. I'm open for suggestions!