Where can I get me one of these?

Moving on up

2007-09-17T22:04:00.000-04:00

To my own web domain!

Check me out over at CJ's Daddy

I'm keeping the blogger site around for a while as the kinks are worked out. All the new stuff will be over at my new web site. Look forward to seeing you over there!!!

Back in the Ring

2007-09-14T10:17:00.000-04:00

Looks like the KO was short lived - we're back in PGN already!

As things go with Guatemala Adoptions, updates pass through several hands sometimes, so the reality is that our KO came last week, only took a few days to correct, and we're back in as of Tuesday. The KO update implied that the objections were trivial, so I guess that turned out to be the case. I guess you can stop chewing on your fingers now!

What can we look forward to?

Probably an medical update with pictures next week.
We'll get ourselves on the package list again and send one more of those.
Eventually, we'll get out of PGN clean and move forward with the rest of the steps (check out the timeline along the right)
How long does PGN normally take? About 8 weeks, then it's on the the final steps.
Still praying/hoping/fingercrossing/woodknocking/etc for a Christmas homecoming. Thanks again for the continued support out there!

What to do now? Just sit back, kick your feet up, and enjoy the rest of the ride!!!

Down for the count... A crowd in our corner

2007-09-10T13:09:00.000-04:00

The red-head defines this as one of those good news - bad news situations. I'm more thinking it's a wait and see situation.

Just backtracking a bit - Pre-Approval is required for the PGN(Guatemalan legal authority) to approve the adoption. Because PA sometimes takes a while, our lawyer submitted our case, knowing it would get kicked out, hoping also to find any other potential problems. So, once PA arrived, we actually needed the KO.

Today, we got word that we were indeed KOed. Unfortunately, there were 2 other apparently small issues that will also need to be corrected before re-entering PGN. So, it turns out, the early submission was a great idea, but it's unfortunate that PA wasn't the only issue. These are both Guatemala side problems that we have no control over. Our lawyer is known as a good one, so we're confident these will be corrected and we'll be back on track soon. This kind of thing is par for the course, and part of the reason this process can be so stressful. Now we just wait for things to happen, which is actually not much different than before, but with this new dash of "fun".

The obvious question will be: "does this mean it will take longer to bring CJ home?" The best answer right now is, maybe - just a little. Does it dash our hopes of a pre-Christmas pick up trip? Not ready to say that yet. We'll know more in a week or two. We were a little ahead of schedule considering the early submit, so we can still make it.

So, why don't I seem a little more down in the dumps about all of this?

Because we've got a huge crowd of "Rod Chairs" in our corner pulling through the KO. The most obvious here (in the blogosphere) are the many well wishes we've received on this very blog in the past few weeks especially. Thanks so much for those!

This past weekend we had our Guatemala Night at church and it was a huge success. The night started with all kinds of Guatemalan cuisine - tamales, black beans, tacos with avocado sauce. There were all sorts of displays of Mayan crafts, pictures of Carmen of course, and several auction items. Then the red-head and I tag teamed on a presentation to show what we've learned about Guatemalan culture and our adoption experience. Our dear friends even compiled a moving video that gave everyone their fist video glimpse of us spending time as a family of three. Between that and the Mission Guatemala video we should have put tissues out instead of salsa verde!

If you're the praying type - keep it up. If your a finger crosser or wood knocker, that'll work too. Or, if you just like so chew on fingers - that's an option also...

Pre-Approved!!!

2007-09-04T08:55:00.000-04:00

OK, now "Pre" Approval sure doesn't sound by it's name to be as exciting as it really is, but believe me, it's by far the biggest step we've achieved to date as far as the legal process goes.

PA - consists of the US immigration process that is necessary to bring CJ home. It's literally pre-approval of a travel visa to bring her into the good old US of A!!! They call it Pre because they await final approval of the Guatemalan Attorney General's office (PGN) to finally issue that visa. Fittingly, the PGN will not approve the case until the US Embassy issues it's PA. So here we are, the first step in the fun back and forth now completed.

As I mentioned earlier, our attorney in Guatemala has really been on top of things on our behalf. He actually submitted our case to the PGN weeks ago, knowing it would be initially sent back to him (KO'ed) due to the lack of PA. The advantage of this is that he should know at that time exactly what other problems might be identified (PGN requires a boatload of info - not just PA). Chances are that file has already been KO'ed, and will hopefully be resubmitted soon. Often times, we just don't know about it until a couple of weeks later.

So, we keep truckin along!!! Unfortunately, this still does not give us an answer to the lingering question of "when can we bring her home". But it does provide much greater certainty that our initial goal of traveling at least by January may come true. I've been saying a lot more lately that we're hoping and praying to have her home by Christmas. Not getting hopes up at all, but I can no longer deny that it's a real possibility. But the way this process goes, we won't know that for sure until closer to Thanksgiving.

That's it for now - hopefully we'll see more updates in a couple of weeks letting us know we've been out then back in over at PGN. It's been a great couple of weeks - we're due for a lull in activity!

Carmensita really is that amazing!!!

2007-08-26T17:36:00.000-04:00

And she really is this cute...

And this beautiful...
Yup - that's right - we're home from visiting our little Carmen - or as her foster family refers to her - Carmensita.

As my wife just told her father - she has me totally wrapped around her little finger. CJ is the sweetest little girl in the world. Her smile lights up a room, but she's a little stubborn with her laughs. Actually, many of her smiles are little smirks that sometimes develop in to full blown smiles and sometimes do not. She loves to be held, and hugged, and kissed. She's not at all bothered by noisiness and in fact prefers that you go ahead and be loud! She likes to eat about every 3 hours and will tell you with all her might when she's hungry.

We flew down last Sunday afternoon from Philly via Miami, with a fairly uneventful flight. It's 2 2.5 hour flights that way, with a 2.5 hour layover in Miami (not the most pleasant airport in the world). Even with smooth travels, we were weary, and anxious for the next day to come. We traveled with Carmen's Tia S - who really helped with advise, a little Spanish, and of course - videos and snapshots.

The plan:

Meet Carmen, her foster mommy - N and translator - O, at 10AM Monday in the hotel lobby.
Spend Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday with her
N will come back to hotel mid-day Thursday to take her home
We spend the next day and a half as tourists - possibly visiting Antigua (a beautiful colonial town about an hour from Guatemala City.
Then we head home Saturday

Reality in Guatemala:

We awake Monday morning, brimming with anticipation, but expecting Carmen to be a little late as we were warned might be the case.
The phone doesn't ring until 10:45, but it's not O.
We call O at 11:30, and leave him a message.
The phone proceeds to ring 3 more times, including a call from O telling us they will arrive around 2:30 with the baby.
The phone rings around 2:35 - it's O in the lobby with Carmen and N.
We head downstairs, Carmen is placed in our arms and we review all kinds of info. B shows up just as N and O are about to leave so we get to meet her as well.
O unexpectedly tells us that N and B will meet us in the lobby of the hotel at 5PM Friday!!!
We spend the week with Carmen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We head down to the lobby at 4:55, N walks in at 5:00.
B finally shows up around 5:50, after having been called by N.
We travel back to the US, slightly down in the dumps, but confident because N is so awesome.

There you have it - our week in a nutshell. But it was so much more than that. It was so much more than diapers (yes - she peed during one of my diaper changes), bottles, drool, zerberts, and naps.

But, then again, that's exactly what it was about. It was about getting to know our Carmensita. And we learn about her through her play, how she eats, and how she laughs and cries. Right now she expresses who she is through these things.

Will she remember us? Not really sure. We made an audio tape of us playing, singing, and talking to her, which N was looking forward to playing for her. This might help in that regard. We're pretty sure she missed her Momma N, as she has known only her foster family since day 10 of her life. What an amazing family she has in Guatemala.
She loves to play with her hands and suck on her fingers and wrists. She hiccups quite a bit and yawns regularly - we have both on video. She has smooth brown skin and a complexion that looks great in yellow, blue, and green. She has beautiful deep brown, expressive eyes - I can see my reflection in them - literally.

As you can see above, her hands and fingers seem a little large, but her feet are a bit on the small side.

As luck would have it, we received a new set of pictures, a medical report, and a case update while we were there with her. She's 16 lbs now at 4 months old - very healthy. We're still waiting on Pre-Approval from the US Embassy, but the case has entered PGN - the Guatemala attorney general's office that handles adoption cases. They will review the file, and tell our lawyer what items must be fixed. We know for sure the Pre-Approval must be there, but some lawyers will submit knowing this so they can find the other potential problems and fix them quickly. Not sure yet if this will speed up our case in the end game, but it may give us more certainty a little further down the road.

It was an amazing week. Totally amazing. She's a wonderful little girl who is developing her own personality right now. Her family right now in Guatemala loves her to pieces. We were are at piece knowing she is so loved- this helped us a great deal as we watched her leave us.

We will be back. Soon I pray.

I've got tons more pics (as does Tia S), so I'll share more soon. We've also got hours and hours of video (again thanks mostly to Tia), which I'll share as well. Not sure exactly how I'll accomplish this yet.

I must end this post with the cutest picture in the history of photography. You've seen all kinds of cute pictures in your day right? Babies, puppies, kittens, babies with puppies, kittens with puppies. All of them are cute.

But not like this. I present to you: CJ lounging the pool with one of her trademark smirks.

Wishful hearing and a variety of ponderances

2007-08-09T22:16:00.000-04:00

***EDIT - LINKS FIXED***
ooops, sorry :(

Lately, I've been rather introspective about this adoption and my baby girl. Thinking a lot about what she will really be like. Are the pictures below any indication of her personality? Did she just smile in these pictures, or did she laugh out loud? What does her laugh even sound like? Between meetings and putting out fires (figuratively) - that's really what I've been thinking about all day.

I have the pictures, particularly the latest round totally memorized, but will I even recognize her when I meet her later this month? Will she recognize me when we return for the pick up trip after having spent 4 days with her some months prior?

No updates to provide on the case, but the countdown to the next step continues. We might not actually have major news until early Sept as that will put us through the normal time frame for this step in the process (waiting for Pre-Approval). Also, a step has been added at the end. The US Embassy now requires a follow-up DNA test to ensure a match to very early in the process. While I don't like the additional cost and extra 1-2 weeks wait at the end, I support this step anyway. It's important that this process be as ethical as possible.

I might be broaching an unwritten blog rule by including 3 subjects in one post, but I've got one more item to note. The blog-roll has grown and I wanted to make a special point to invite you to visit these folks. Some were mentioned in my tag post, but now they are officially linked in! Each and every one of these bloggers has something worthwhile to say. As I keep telling ya'll, I don't personally blog about certain topics - at least at this point. But I do think and talk about all kinds of adoption issues, and these folks offer a great deal of insight, to me at least.

The Road to Uzbekistan - some fine folks who hope to bring home their daughter some time soon!

Waiting for Anthony - who just got new pictures of their adorable son, and post some truly inspirational thoughts regularly.

Uzbek Ubet - might be the funniest mom around these days. Trust me, you have to check that blog out.

Keeping On - who's girls really are gorgeous. A multi-racial family from whom we can learn a lot.

From the Mind of a Bmom - mom to Cory who really has a great outlook on life with her experiences in an open adoption.

Stupid stuff I think- oh yes, I've got the guts to link in Petunia - somewhat outspoken, never dull, and almost always right - almost.

My Best Laid Plans - great title - a blog I just recently found, which seems to spark a lot of deep thoughts for me.

Our Guatemalan Adoption - not the most original title, but a new family family just about to bring home their son. For some reason, I sense we have somethings in common with these folks.

Last but not least - our "neighbors" and new friends chronicle their Wild Ride to bringing home Toby.

That's it for now. Enjoy the required reading!

Tag, I'm it!!!

2007-08-02T13:05:00.000-04:00

I've been tugged! Thanks to the wonderful and witty Melissa (not the M who sleeps next to me)- who's in the process of adopting from Uzbekistan, I've got to come up with some clever answer now!

Here it goes....

5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago:
Working for an Automation/Systems Integrator in suburban Philly
Moving into my first post-college apartment
Gaining weight (half of it’s gone now)
Spending too much money (all of that’s gone now!)
Working on my Matchbox collection (not so much these days)

5 Snacks I Enjoy:
Potato Chips
Fresh Roasted Peanuts
Moravian Sugar Cake
Doritos (just about any flavor)
Chewy candy (Swedish fish, nibs, gummy bears)

5 TV Shows I've Seen Every Episode Of:
--Seinfeld (still the funniest show ever- although The Office is catching up)
--Who’s the Boss? (you shouldn’t have to ask why)
--Gilligan’s Island (hilarious, but not for the reasons intended)
--Sledge Hammer (oh how I miss that show)
--Heroes (yah, I know big deal it’s only 1 season so far)

5 Things I Would Do If I Were A Millionaire:
--Invest and find a way to keep it from Uncle Sam
--Support a variety of ministries that shall remain nameless
--Build a home up in the mountains
--Build a home on the Outer Banks
--Quit working a regular job (anyone who says they would keep working is lying!)

5 Bad Habits:
--Procrastinating
--Caffeine
--Wasting time browsing news/sports/adoption sites instead of getting some exercise
--Over-analyzing all decisions
--Potato Chips

5 Things I Like To Do:
--Spend time with my friends and family
--Disc Golf (don’t call it Frisbee golf!!!)
--Geography (GIS, maps, political, archaeological, etc)
--Cook
--Dream about bringing Carmen home

5 Things I Would Never Wear Again:
--My high school basketball uniform (particularly the shorts)
--Silk shirts
--Long Hair (at least not as long as it once was)
--Necklaces
--Combat boots (don’t ask)

5 Favorite Toys:
--My laptop
--My pickup truck (yup, I’m a bit redneck – gotta have that truck)
--My Mantis Tiller (most reliable piece of equipment I own)
--My electric knife (carves a fine turkey, roast, bread, etc)
--My blackberry (me = stereotypical blackberry addict)

5 Things I Can't Stand:
--Madonna
--Mushrooms
--Waiting
--Lying
--Ink on my hands

Phew - that wasn't so bad. So, now who to tag?

Let's go with Lisa, Mike, Sean, Jonathan & Matthew - growing their family with a little girl from Uzbekistan (yay - the news is out!!!)

And how 'bout our new friends Tammy, John, Delicia, Meghan, & Courtney who are preparing to bring home Anthony, running very close to us in time-line. These folks are a really neat family - and yes - I never thought I'd say that about anyone from New England (hehe).

I've got to include a different Tammy and Sean from my home state of PA, who just recently brought home Sweet Elena(If she isn't' cute, then I don't know what cute is). Don't worry if it takes you a little while to get to it, I'm sure you've been busy!

How 'bout another new friends, Andrea and Dave, who are blessed to be adopting the quadro-dimpled and amazing little Kylie America.

Ah, I guess I should include the Melissa who actually does sleep next to me. The red head doesn't post as often as me, but when she does it's quite thoughtful.

Have fun!

Another bittersweet update

2007-07-25T22:47:00.000-04:00

Howdy all! Today we learned for certain that the family court interviews we conducted back on July 6. This is where a Guatemalan social worker interviews Carmen's mother to discuss the circumstances of her relinquishment. Often times this takes place on the same day as the DNA test, but not always - as was the case here. This is another reminder of how difficult this process is for everyone involved. As I've said before, as wonderful as it is to build a family, a great deal of loss takes place in order for an adoption to happen. If you're the praying type, please pray for Carmen and her birth mother.

Nevertheless, the process continues, and the end result is progress on the case. This means that we are officially in "Family Court" and wait for approval of that body just as we wait for the US Embassy to issue their pre-approval. Alas, we have a visit trip to plan and our social worker and lawyer continue to do a great job on our behalf.

Carmen's 3 month birthday was last Friday, and in honor, here's a cute little grin. I know the picture is a bit blurry, but that's OK.

More and More updates

2007-07-16T22:45:00.001-04:00

Another day of updates. Just last week we received pictures from Carmen's June "well baby check" and our DNA match. We're still planning a visit in August, so that's got everyone buzzing these days.

Today we received her July medical update and even more pictures! These were taken just last week, and holy wow - she's changed even since June. There were some pics in the batch with the first ziplock package we sent, so that confirms it's arrival. Still not quite 3 months old, she's 13.8 lbs, got a few more of her immunizations, and grew an inch since June. Her foster mommy is sortof holding her up in each of the pictures, but it looks like her head it starting to get stable. I bet the next batch will have one of those on the stomach with head held up shots.

We're on day 13 of our 60 day PA (pre-approval) period. Some folks are getting it in 55 or so days, a few are getting it in 62, so we're being patient. It certainly helps to be getting so many other updates and pictures. But, don't be surprised if we go into a slow period until early August.

And now for the real reason your reading my blog. The adorable, precious, amazing Carmen:

A dear friend of ours tells me this is her favorite so far - she's looking right at the camera:

I really like this one - looks like she's checking out her foot. Come on, let's take the socks off and see those tootsies!
Several people have commented already that she looks good in turquoise or whatever color she's wearing. Can't really argue - looks better than the pink from last month's pictures.
This final shot is the red-head's favorite. She claims CJ is already giving the puppy dog eyes. I'll never fall for it!!! ya right.

Good Grief - DNA Match!!!

2007-07-12T00:33:00.000-04:00

As was the case earlier, not much time or energy to post. It's been a crazy day - but we've got just about the best news possible at this point in the process.

The DNA test was done, and we've already got the results - it's a match! Simply put, this means that the woman who presented Carmen for adoption is, in fact, her mother - as proven by a standard maternity test. This is important because it proves to the powers that be at the US embassy that things so far are on the up and up.

More importantly, it acts as an safety point in the process that allows us to plan a visit trip to meet our daughter in person! As you can see, this is a huge deal!

What's more crazy - we totally did not expect it. Generally, folks in the process get some kind of notice that the test is scheduled or has taken place, then sit around nervously waiting for the result. For us, we just learned that the test was authorized a couple of weeks ago, then whammo - the results show up on our door step - we learned about it before our social worker!

What an amazing day for us, but I must digress a tad and mention that our joy is most certainly not matched by Carmen's birth mother. The paperwork we received today included photos of her holding her daughter close, one with a slight smile, one with a slight frown. These pictures will be very important as we share this entire story with Carmen one day. Both of the people in these photos are experiencing a great deal of loss and we cannot come close to relating. More reflection on this will come out in the future I'm sure.

So, now it's off to start planning our visit trip, and to begin the countdown to pre-approval by the US Embassy (DNA match is the starting point). We haven't even talked it over with our social worker yet, so we'll keep you all posted - by the time we plan it all out, it could still be several weeks. Time to get some sleep!!!!

New pictures - she's got a left ear!!!

2007-07-11T16:26:00.000-04:00

Not that I was really worried about it - but it was the wittiest thing I could think of quickly.

I've only got a little bit of time to post, but here are 2 of Carmen's latest pictures. She's actually just under 2 months old here - these were taken back in June at her medical checkup. Not sure exactly, but I believe there were some IT problems that slowed down their delivery (please no comments from the peanut gallery). So, it's quite possible we'll get a July update soon as well. As you can tell with this process, nothing is totally predictable - you take care of whatever is in your control and just keep an eye on the rest.

CJ decided to wake up for these pictures, although a couple of them seem like she'd rather be sleeping. Here's one - the woman holding her is her foster mom - you can see the caring look in her eyes - it's wonderful to know she is in such loving hands. But, we can't really post her picture on the web so I cropped it a little:

Here's the cutest picture of all. Not sure what she's looking at, but she's really showing off those chubby cheeks!

It's going to be hard to sleep Sunday night

2007-07-07T01:16:00.000-04:00

No real news this week - but I'm sure bureaucrats and lawyers spent some time shuffling papers and filing forms. Some of the more mundane parts of the legal process are not really sent to us as updates - more of the milestones. If 3 weeks pass with no milestone, they will give us a general status report though.

We are approaching 2 months since we received our referral for Carmen. This means we should receive a video of our little girl any day now. Honestly though, we're a just as anxious to receive more pictures, as we have not gotten any new ones since referral. In most cases, pictures are sent with medical updates, but that did not happen for us last month. Most likely, the timing just did not work out for Carmen's foster mom to visit the office after her checkup.

I really can't wait to see how she's grown and changed. A lot of people ask us how hard it is to not be able to watch CJ growing up as an infant. It is very difficult, but we are patient people (as if we had a choice) and have faith in those who are taking care of her.

Carmen's last checkup was on June 7th, so we're hoping that she either went to the doctor for her monthly visit yesterday (Friday) or will be going this coming Monday. That means pictures may already be en route, or will be sent early next week.

This is probably not my most elegantly written post, but I'm up later than I should be and just had to jot something down. With pictures on the way, I already know it's going to be hard to sleep Sunday night. Ugh.

Ziplock Number Two - twice as much love!!!

2007-07-01T23:52:00.001-04:00

We just prepped our second ziplock bag to send to Guatemala for Carmen. I think this one has the same amount of stuff in it, but some of that stuff is a little bigger.

Thanks to our new friend from Tennessee who's going down to pick up her son some time this month. How cool is that. You may recall we hooked up with some other fine folks (in that case from MD) who were visiting their daughter for CJ's first package a little over a month ago. I must say it's actually awfully fun putting these packages together, and it's also a cool way touch base with some people who are going through a similar experience.

This time we included 2 more cameras, 2 outfits, a hat, La Oruga Muy Hambrienta (The Very Hungry Caterpillar), and a cute little stuffed Eyore. Ya, the Red-Head is already exposing Carmen to her favorite children's author (Eric Carle), and favorite children's character. You'll also notice some things that clearly are not meant for a baby, particularly one without teeth. In this package we are including a little something for Carmen's foster family - some bubble gum for the kids, trail mix for their Papá, and a dish towel and earrings for their Mama.

Here's how it looked all packaged up. Had to take front and back photos since the view was so different.

It's getting late, but now I'm kinda wound up - so there's no telling how much sleep I'll actually get. Oh well, I just don't care any more. It's so worth it.

DNA Authorization!

2007-06-28T10:51:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update. We received word that the DNA test has been authorized by the US Embassy in Guatemala. This is step 25 in our time line found on the right hand side of the blog.

This is not a difficult hurdle, but a big one because it means that our lawyer is pushing our case through the different steps. This essentially means that a DNA test will be scheduled soon to ensure that Carmen's Birth Mother really is. This is one of the steps in the process that has helped eliminate corruption. I think it's just a swipe from inside the cheek, which are sent to a lab, no blood work. Also in most cases, the family court interview is conducted on the same day. This will all likely be scheduled, then we'll learn about it after the fact. Depending on where everyone lives and what their work schedules are like, it can be tuff to schedule that appointment.

I can imagine that this will be a difficult and emotional day for Carmen's Birth Mother, so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Once the match takes place, we'll be able to schedule our visit trip! Of course, that match could still be a month or two away, then another month to schedule the trip, so we're talking September as the most realistic time frame for our trip to meet our daughter in person.

I have nothing clever or witty to say - just a big smile today.

Here's to progress!!!

What's going on!!!!

2007-06-20T12:08:00.000-04:00

EDIT - this post delayed by a day due to technical difficulties (UGH don't ask!!!).

Happy birthday to Carmen - who is 2 months old today (Ok, yesterday)!!! Still no more pictures or video - those both could arrive any day. So much of this process is variable, it all depends on when her foster mom takes her into the office and who's around when she does. As for actual case updates, those come and go as well. All of this takes time, and much of it is in the hands of govt agencies over which we have no control. The process sure has its ups and downs. Seems like we've been in quiet mode for a couple of weeks now, but not really down. But in light of it being little Carmen's B-day, I'm keeping it fun today.

Being an expectant parent "dates" you in strange way, I feel like I have a new vibe about me lately. Can anyone out there confirm that? I will remember everything and nothing that happens this year because it is the year of my daughter's birth. Don't think I'm suddenly going to mature (is that even possible?), but any discussion of the way things used to be has really become very intense for me. We've been getting our pictures printed at Walmart lately. I didn't set foot inside a Walmart until they built one 15 miles from me when I was a teenager. Now there's one a mile from where I grew up and the first one I mentioned is actually being prepped for major renovations. Something build when I was a teenager is old and ugly and requires renovation. What the?

On the way home from work yesterday, a DJ went into the commercial break previewing his upcoming set. Included would be 3 Doors Down, Cheryl Crow, and some "Classic U2". Yeh, he said CLASSIC U2. Upon return from commercial, he played "Where the Streets have no Name." Are you kidding me? I love that song - who doesn't, but is it really a classic? Can any song that I remember it first being aired on MTV be considered a classic? What's going on?

OK one more fun rant. The RH and I went into Baby's R Us on Monday and investigated some car seats. The truth is, we have now registered there and subsequently discovered (reading online reviews) that the car seat we wanted might not work well with her vehicle. So, a few people suggested we just ask them if we can try it out. Unfortunately, we couldn't find a baby to bring with us, nor could we find someone willing to rear end us at 30 MPH with said baby - so just fitting the seat into the back seat would have to do.

It's a good thing we did that because it wasn't even close. We are trying to be as frugal as possible about this considering all the other expenses involved. So we picked out a seat that converts from rear facing, to forward, then into a booster - all the way up to 100 lbs. All in all, it wasn't a bad price for all that. I was also kinda hoping it was really a Transformer as well, so it would convert into a robot and help Carmen in and out of the car.

It was not to be. All of that functionality requires a huge base that when in the rear facing position the bottom of the apparatus ended up sortof in the middle of the actual vehicle seat with a big gap that would need to be filled with foam. Probably too big to be safe. That meant that the top of the carseat was right up against the front bucket seats, also not a good thing. At this point, I have to mention how helpful the sales lady was. She wasn't the least bit pushy, but she could see the wheels turning inside our head and offered some basic suggestions. She also asked a few questions about our situation (do you have other kids, other vehicles, etc) to get a feel for what our needs would be. OK, so far not a rant, but wait for it...

She proceeded to explain that there have been some new safety features added to car seats just in the past few months. Here's the one that caught my attention: Car seats now have an expiration date.

Yes - they expire. In fact, most of them have the date stamped right on them, usually 4-6 years from them they were made. Car seats expire. Huh? Supposedly, the reason behind this is that the plastic starts to deteriorate over time, and weakens enough that the seat is no longer safe after a certain period of time. Car seats expire. I suppose that kinda makes a little tiny bit of sense. Car seats expire. But come on! Car seats expire. Am I supposed to believe that since plastic was invented decades ago, we've actually gotten worse at making it? Car seats expire. I mean, I have plastic toys that are older than me. Car seats expire. The chair I'm sitting in, although not the most comfy, is mostly plastic and dates back to 1993.

Car seats expire. I just don't get it.

But, as an expecting father, I'm just learning to accept it. Oh well. Car seats expire.

Meanwhile...

2007-06-14T15:25:00.000-04:00

On Jun 1, the standings looked like this...

Today, they look like this...

Down to 2 games in just 2 weeks. Cole Hamels might not win the Cy Young award this year, but he will win one sooner or later.

Probably after the Phillies trade him.

Still holding firm

2007-06-11T22:46:00.000-04:00

Just a quick post to let you all know how grateful we are for your love, prayers, and words of wisdom. Our dear Carmen will be home before we know it, and your support really does form the foundation that allow us to get through this stressful process.

One of the most commented on posts from when I first got started was the Rod Chair analogy.

Well, it's almost 8 months later (can you believe that), and the walkway is holding firm. I've had a number of people ask me if it's cracked yet. Apparently, it's just a matter of time before it happens, and a lot of folks are surprised that it hasn't cracked yet.

Well, neither has all the support we've gotten from everyone around us. In fact, in recent months we've gotten to know a lot of new people as well, further strengthening our foundation.
I know this is all sappy, but I just had to take a picture now that the grass is starting to fill in around the new walk.

Progress in Guatemala!!! and some links...

2007-06-07T21:59:00.001-04:00

We have 2 updates straight from Guatemala City. Both great news!!!

First, we found out yesterday that our dossier is already in the process of being translated into Spanish. As you might imagine, this is necessary step to complete before our case can be reviewed by the various government agencies in Guatemala. This is a little early evidence that our lawyer there is really on top of his game.

Second, today we received our first medical update since the referral of Carmen.
She's now 10 lbs 1 oz and 22.5 inches! Getting so big already - she's gained almost 2 lbs and grown 1.5 inches.

We're hoping for pictures soon. I believe the doctor's office is located in the same building as the Bethany agency office, so the usually check in with both at the same time.

While I've got your attention, I want to point out some other adoption blogs that I read regularly. In reality, I read dozens of adoption related blogs - some by other adoptive parents, some by adoptees, some by birthparents. All of them inspire me, provide ideas, and insight.

But for now, I'm going to keep my links a little more light. The blogs I've linked to along the right are mostly adoptive parents. Some have brought their children home, some are in process, and some are both!

Oh, and don't miss the new link to Mission Guatemala, a site put together by one of the bloggers and a new friend with an adoption for an awesome little girl in progress. The work she and her organization do in Guatemala is truly amazing. I have great respect and admiration for those who serve the Lord in this way.

Quick update and another FAQ

2007-05-30T08:54:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update, then I want to get to explaining some more details. Our referral acceptance documents are on their way to Guatemala! When they get there, the process will really get rolling!

OK, here are a few more answers to the most common questions we've gotten. It's not that we have new information or anything, but some things are better explained after the initial excitement. Hopefully, this won't be too boring considering I posted a similar list a couple weeks ago! Trust me, I've got more detail in this one. If you've actually asked one of these questions, please don't fell like I'm singling you out. In fact, each of these questions has been asked at least 3-4 times, most of them by more than that.

1) Will she ever open her eyes?
OK actually, that's my question. I stare at her picture quite a bit and wonder if maybe her eyes will open. It never happens. We'll have to wait until the next set - hopefully in the next few weeks.

2) Why does it take so long?
This is actually the #1 question, and would take several pages to fully explain. The short answer I usually give is that we have a legal process to go through - not all that different than a domestic adoption legal process. In reality, it is very different, but the point is that it takes time for the courts and agencies there to approve the case. Here's a basic outline

A) Translation and registry of official documents in Guatemala.
*This process for us will start next week, and could take up to 2 months, putting us into July

B) Pre-approval of case by US Embassy, and Guatemala Family court
*Another 2-3 month process, starting in July - putting us into September-October

C) Guatemala Attorney General (PGN) approval process starts after the pre-approvals
*Yet another 3 months - putting us in the December time frame.

D) Final registry in Guatemala and issuance of birth certificate, passport, and visa.
*The time for this can vary depending on what time of year, but it seems to be taking about 5 weeks right now. Right there, we're into Jan of 2008 under a very good case scenario.

E) Embassy appointment and travel to pick up Carmen! *OK, here's where it should make sense now that we're saying Jan/Feb of 2008.

3) Do you know anything about her family in Guatemala?
We know a little bit and will probably learn more through the family court process. It'll be up to Carmen when she is older whether to discuss this outside the family. We do know the names of her birth mother and grandparents, as well as her home town, and the name of the hospital in which she born. We will probably get a little more family background information and some additional pictures of Carmen's birth mother, and there's also a chance we will be able to meet her while we're in Guatemala.
I feel a little bad continuing to call her "birth mother" because she is a woman with a name, but we're supposed to be discreet about such things for the time being.
Some people shorten it to BM - I find that distasteful.
Another common term is first mother. That's OK, but I think it's awkward.
Some of you will probably hear us use her actual name in conversation if you have not already.

4) Why did her birth mother relinquish her?
We get this question quite a bit, and I believe it's mostly out of concern for Carmen. It is difficult to imagine why someone would relinquish a child, but she must not be judged in any way by us for doing so. Like I've said before, it's critical that Carmen understand that her birth mother loves her and cares very much about her well being. I think I'll get into explaining this a little more later on.

5) What about that name again?
OK, we've gotten a lot of positive comments on the name Carmen. We just love that name, but to be honest, we chose it way before we knew we were adopting from Latin America. The fact that it's a Spanish name is merely a cooikidink. As I've said, Julia is my late mother's name and we feel this is a good way for the entire family to honor her. López provides a connection to Carmen's birth family. But, after learning a little bit more about her birth name, were thinking about using Maribel - the name she received at birth. Just about everyone that has learned this as her birth name has just loved it as much as we do. But the red-head and I were both thinking about it and are seriously considering using it.
Carmen Julia Maribel? This this might be the way to go, but it's not a decision that need to be final until she arrives home though.

6) I have a friend/relative/co-worker who adopted or was adopted.
To be quite frank - this usually leads to a beautiful story of creating a family or a horror story of red tape or worse. Each individual case is unique, but the general process from country to country is also unique. In Guatemala, adoptions are generally a private arrangement, much like here in the US, with certain government over-sight and safeguards and laws aimed at protecting children and families. As much as this is a family building process, it's also a social service and legal process. There are opportunities for corruption, and I'm sure many of you have seen 20/20 type stories exposing all of that. Yes it still happens, but there are thousands of adoptions that are 100% ethical, as will ours be. That doesn't mean we won't run into problems or red tape, but we hope to minimize that.
As for the positive stories, keep them coming. It's a joy to hear about all the different ways people become a family. Learning from the rest of you, only helps us to become stronger.

7) Are you still planning that Guatemala night?
Yes - not sure exactly when it will take place - probably over the summer. Perhaps it will be a good activity during the dog days of Summer (like August) when folks won't mind spending a couple of hours indoors learning about Guatemala, adoption, and sharing in fellowship. We still need more tamale practice. Stay tuned!

That's it for now folks. We're hoping some more pictures and a video arrive soon. Carmen is now 6 weeks old! I can't wait to see how much she's changed!

A toy when it throws the teeth

2007-05-27T22:45:00.001-04:00

That would be a teething ring.

Want a better explanation? I could have named this entry "a tinkling one" - but I just didn't want certain google searches coming up with that too easily.

The while a tinkling one would be a baby rattle you see in the group of nifty stuff below. Both items, along with a blankie, an outfit, 2 washcloths, 3 pairs of socks, 2 onesies, a "who loves baby" photo book, and 2 single use cameras. Carmen's foster family will use one camera for themselves, and return the other to us with pictures we can share with Carmen to remember her foster family.

We also included a letter to the foster family just saying hello, explaining what we included in the package, and making sure they know we care and pray for them as well. A dear friend of ours knows a lot about the Spanish language, as well as Spanish and Latin American culture. He was a huge help in translating our letter and giving us advice on the best way to get our point across. Just for fun, we took his translated letter and popped it back into babblefish, just to see what it would do with the newly formulated Spanish. Hence - a tinkling one and a toy when it throws the teeth. Apparently, we're also asking them to "to remove photos from Carmen with its family, so that we pruned ourselves to bring to house after our visit."

Our agency hooked us up with a family who are headed to Guatemala to meet their beautiful daughter. We've met so many great people through this process, and these folks are kind enough help us out. In turn, when we finally get our chance to travel to see Carmen, we'll take packages down for other Bethany families.

We had to fit it all into a gallon size zip top bag. A lot of folks call these "Ziplocks of love" - I'm not sure I want that showing up on a google search either! Here's how it turned out.

It's a pretty exciting step, our first moment to reach out and touch Carmen.

A little more about Carmen

2007-05-16T12:16:00.000-04:00

OK, so - I'm sure you want some more details. The first thing I want to say is that please know that just because I have this blog, do not hesitate to call, email, write or whatever. Yes - my blog is a place to provide updates, but it's also about reflection.

Today, we received more information about the information we already have - so that was kinda neat - if that makes any sense. Mostly it was further explanation about some of the documents, including some translation of the standard medical report used by the Bethany doctor for checkups.

So, I think this update should take the form of an FAQ. I must say, it's taken me till now to get back to thinking analytically in any sense. Even now, I can't go more than 10 min without glancing over at one of the pictures I have either in my cubicle or around the house. Better yet - minimize everything on my laptop and I'll see Carmen's beautiful face on my desktop.
............
OK, I'm back from doing that.

1) Look at all that hair!!
OK, that's more of a statement, but ya - she's got a lot of hair!!!

2) When can you bring her home?
I wish it would be tomorrow, but we have a lengthy process to go through in Guatemala - check the time-line along the right hand side and you'll see what I mean. In a lot of ways, the referral is the beginning of the process!
The time frames typically average 8-9 months. We'd be extremely lucky to have her home by the end of the year which would be about 7 months. More likely, it will be some time around Feb of 2008. This is what we are prepared for, but there are cases that take 12 months or longer if there's paperwork problems.

3) How'd you pick her name?
Carmen is a name that the red-head and I really love. We actually have been talking about using that name for a little girl way before we started the adoption process. Julia is my late Mother's name. López provides a connection to her birth-family.

4) Where is she now?
Right now she lives with a foster family in Guatemala. Much like temporary foster care here in the US, they will work with our agency to make sure Carmen receives all the attention and care she needs and deserves. They have raised four children, and fostered other infants, so they are more than capable.

5) Will you get updates?
Yup. CJ's foster mother will take her to the doctor about once a month for a check-up. She'll also take her into the Bethany office regularly for a progress report and pictures. These will be passed on to us along with her medical reports. The next big thing we're actually waiting on is a video!!! That should come in a month or two.

6) How did she end up being placed for adoption?
We really don't know a lot about that yet. We do have some information about pieces and parts of the circumstances, but that's not the kind of thing I would share on a blog. It's really impossible for us to even imagine what CJ's Birth Mother is going through. As I've said before, she deserves our prayers and respect.

7) Will you get to visit Carmen?
We certainly hope so!!! We have to get through a couple of early steps in the process, then we'll be allowed to visit. If we can arrange and afford it, we'll go for a visit some time in early fall.

8) What will you do with yourselves in the mean time?
Oh, we'll keep busy. I believe it will help that most of the wait will be through Summer, where we can get out and be active more easily. There's still quite a bit to do here at home to prepare for Carmen's arrival. We have her room to paint and arrange - that alone will take some work. We've got a list of chores around the house that will occupy plenty of time over the coming months.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!!! Not a lot of variety in the photos, she was pretty zonked out during her visit to the office.

Dear Carmen,

2007-05-15T00:24:00.000-04:00

You were born in a small rural village in Guatemala on April 20, 2007. You weighed 8 lbs 4 oz, and were almost 21 inches. You were born healthy, beautiful, and vibrant - well cared for by a loving mother who carried you in her womb.

You are beautiful, sweet, amazing. You are loved by many in your homeland and here in your future home. You will be loved and cherished by your foster family, while your forever family anxiously awaits your arrival in America.
Carmen Julia López - you have arrived in our hearts forever on May 14, 2007.

That's right, we received our referral today (Monday). We signed a bunch of paperwork, made a bunch of phone calls, rode around 2 counties visiting family, and e-mailing like crazy. Now the blogosphere knows about this amazing little baby that just entered our lives. More info and reflection later - it's late - time for bed (like I'll really sleep tonight).

New Life for Carmen

2007-05-04T22:04:00.000-04:00

No referral just yet. It could happen any day now, but not just yet.

I've been thinking a lot lately about preparing for CJ. Making a room for her, organizing the house. Talking about her with our family and friends, including our nephews, who have heard us discuss her, and oddly seem to understand that she'll be coming home, but not just yet.

Our dogwoods are blooming right now, as I'm sure you've seen if you live in the same basic climate as SE Pennsylvania. What's this have to do with preparing for Carmen to come home? It's about planting new life to represent when she comes into our lives.
I love dogwoods, they have large-ish, but still delicate looking flowers, and nifty crooked and variable(some smooth spots, some rough, dark and light) bark covered branches.

The former owners of our home (one of whose parents built the place) were kind and loving people who were raised 3 girls here. For each one, they planted a dogwood tree in the front or side yard. So, we have 3 beautiful dogwoods, each one a little bit bigger than the other. The girls were all teenagers when they moved out, so 8 years later, each of those dogwoods are now over 20 years old.

I really like this tradition, and have decided to plant a tree some time in the next year or so, perhaps this fall in honor of CJ coming into our lives. The problem is we have 2 dogwoods in the front on either side of the walk, then a dogwood and magnolia in the side yard. All of these are nicely spaced so that there really isn't a good spot for a decorative tree out front. So, we'll be finding a spot in the back yard where we have a mix of sun, part shade, and full canopy shade. I have not decided if it will in fact be a dogwood, or some other type - the red-head has always wanted a weeping cherry. I'm open for suggestions!

Check out the timeline!

2007-04-25T21:00:00.000-04:00

As I learned from many a good programmer - stealing code and ideas should be encouraged!!!

So, in that spirit, I got the idea to post our timeline in the right-frame of the blog. Any time I mention a particular step in the process, you can reference this to get an idea of the whole order of things. Hopefully, this will also be helpful for anyone out there considering adoption for your family.

I took the dates right out of my Adoption Project file, which outlines all the details behind these 38 steps. In reality, I have something like 150 steps, but that includes things like reading the 3 books, gathering up additional dossier documents, preparing a will, etc. What you see here are the major "hurdle" type steps that we've completed, as well as the ones projected in the future. The project file also includes all the goal dates, actual dates, costs, and people involved. If anyone would like to see more detail than this, I'd be glad to share a modified version of our spreadsheet so you can get an idea.

As you can see, the next step is doozy - in a good way of course. It will all become very real when we get that referral. We'll have pictures, family background info, medical report, etc. We'll probably know where in Guatemala CJ was born, and possibly the name of her foster parents. We won't be able to share all of that with everyone, but we are very much looking forward to sharing pictures with friends and family!!!

A red-headed blog

2007-04-18T16:49:00.000-04:00

The wife has joined the world of blogging. She's using Wordpress, which is pretty nice - I'm thinking about switching over there.

She's also a more heart-felt writer than I - off to a good start!

Love ya babe!

Joy, Patience, and Faith

Reflection on birth parents

2007-04-13T16:58:00.000-04:00

It’s been a while since we’ve had any real news to report. So, I guess we really are totally in the waiting mode now.

That means it’s time to share some more thoughts on the process as promised.

So much of the focus here has been what WE have been going though – preparing the house, interviews, and the mountains of paperwork. I’ve also talked a lot on this blog about Carmen herself, and obviously, we talk about bringing her into our family a lot. There’s a lot of talk about becoming parents.

As we get closer to a referral (which could come in the next couple of months) I think it’s important to consider the other people involved in the process. In adoption lingo, the term “adoption triad” is used extensively. The sides of the triad consist of birth parents, the child, and the adoptive parents. The most over-looked in any discussion of adoption are the birth parents.

Perhaps after referral, I’ll talk with some detail about legal process a birth mother must go through. In short, she must be interviewed 4 separate times, including one where she also provides a DNA blood test along with the baby. In most adoption cases (particularly the ethical ones like our agency conducts), she will receive no compensation at all, save for bus fair and maybe lunch during her counseling session.

So, let’s back up a little bit – and think about how a woman might end up facing such a decision. Why haven’t I mentioned the birth father? Generally, he’s not in the picture by the time the birth mother must make her decision. What about social services? Guatemala has no such agency to assist her. Why can’t she make a go of it as a single mother like many women in the US? In Guatemala, single mother-hood is not widely accepted, and very difficult, especially without a husband to support her. Abortion? Unlike here in the US, abortion simply isn’t a readily available option.

In Guatemala, pregnant women are often caught in between the stigma of single motherhood and the stigma of “giving away” her child. It might seem like she’s seeking the easy way out, but there’s nothing easy about making an adoption plan. It’s clear to me that by doing so, she is doing what she believes is best for her child, but the pain and loss a birth mother experiences must be incredible. In reality, it’s a brave decision, one that we as adoptive parents should not over-look, but can never understand fully.

But in the end, this whole process still revolves around the child. When Carmen comes home, it will be important for her to know that her birth mother loves her very much. This is true in any adoption case, domestic or international, open or closed. Just poke around the web or do some research at the library and you will find stories of women who have chosen adoption for their child. They all express love and concern for the well being of those children, and often some sense of guilt and uncertainty. These are not at all bad or irresponsible people, in fact, quite the opposite. Birth parents certainly don’t deserve any of the stigma that comes with their decision. Anyone involved in an adoption will at one time or another hear the words – “why would a woman just give her child up like that – doesn’t she care?” Adopted kids should also not be forced to think of their parents in such a negative (and incorrect) light. They should know that it actually IS about caring.

It’s my view (and this is a newly developed opinion) that most of the time, the best-case scenario for any child is to stay with her birth family. Children should only be placed for adoption when it just isn’t possible for her parents to raise her. How can staying at home possibly be best in a place like Guatemala with such extreme poverty?

Let me tell you, my dear sister sponsored a child in Guatemala for several years, and when she learned about our adoption plans, she lent us many of his letters and information. Jose lived with his family in what amounted to a 1-room house with a dirt floor. His father had to walk for miles every day for work. They lived on about $40 a month. My sister sent $20 for the sponsorship.

If you read his letters without knowing all of that, you’d only know Jose as a bright and happy boy who loves school, church, and more than anything – fishing with his father. He loved his family and they took care of him well. There’s no reason to think that a kid like Jose would be happier to have been adopted by an American family. There’s no reason to think he would choose to leave his family or that they would wish they have placed him for adoption. In the same sense, we cannot view Carmen coming to our family as our saving her from some horrible life. We will never know with certainty all of the circumstances around her birth family.

This is simply the plan God and her birth mother will choose for her, and when the time comes, we will answer the call to be her parents.

Things are getting exciting around here!

2007-04-08T20:07:00.000-04:00

We continue to wait. I know that's not the first sentence you were looking for when you fired up my blog today, but that's still our current status. It's really hard not to be getting excited though. We've been on the waiting list about 2 months, and while Bethany does not tell it's clients their position on the list, we do know that referrals continue to roll in, so we're making progress. Also, one online friend of ours has heard the wait times could be as short as 2-4 months for a girl, but we've also heard 3-6 months. So, realistically, we're looking at May or June to finally see a picture of our Carmen. Lately, I've really been thinking a lot about welcoming her into our family, kinda like this post from many months ago.

I'd been hesitant to post this specific of a time frame, but I know you're all anxious as well. It's just that I'm so excited to become a father. Easter is one of those times of year (like Christmas and to some extent Halloween) where parents work very hard to provide something special for their kids. An Easter basket full of candy and toys, a brightly colored Spring dress, or a tasty family meal.

Holidays are a important in our household. We're known for celebrating birth week, not just birthday. Thanksgiving is a huge deal for us, and the red-head likes to celebrate Christmas from the day after T-giving all the way into January. These are the times when we truly find it hard to contain our excitement - I just know that the long road to becoming a parent will be worth-while.

At this point, we feel like we've made some progress down that road. It's quite possible CJ has been born by now - referral paperwork usually does not reach the local Bethany office (after being processed in Guatemala) for weeks or even a couple of months. So keep us in your thoughts and prayers over the next weeks and months, and maybe we'll have some truly exciting news. And stay tuned for some more in-depth thoughts on adoption, and not just the process, but the people involved.

Happy Easter!

The unexpected adoption

2007-03-28T22:40:00.000-04:00

Honey, sit down. I have some news for you.

What is it?

Well, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just come out with it. I went to the mailbox today and... well, we got an I-797C.

A what?!? An I-797C? As in, we're going to have a baby?!?

It looks that way.

But how? We've been so careful! I put away all the blank I-600A forms. Didn't you hide our homestudy update?

Of course I did, but don't forget, there was that one night...

What night? (pauses) Ohhh, that night, But it was only once. We were just messing around. I didn't print clearly. I didn't even use ink! (pauses again) But it was kind of fun. (giggles). It was, wasn't it?

I'll never forget how cute you looked getting your fingerprints.

So now we've go our I-797C, eh? But that doesn't always mean you'll adopt, does it? I mean, shouldn't you see the agency or something, make sure everthing's okay?

I already did.

And?

I'm five documents along.

Five documents! And they're all notarized, certified and authenticated okay?

Just great. There was one small scare when the agency couldn't see the Notary's middle initial but it showed up just fine under the magnifying glass. Thank God. And you, honey? Are you feeling okay?

I'm feeling fine. As long as I know you're happpy about this.

Happy? I'm thrilled! It's always a shock at first when something like this happens, but of course I'm happy.

Author Unknown

Uncle Sam officially says - "Go for it"

2007-03-23T22:42:00.000-04:00

This is the most glorious envelope in the history of envelopes - and it arrived in our mailbox today.

Why? Well, inside this envelope was the first of 2 things we've been waiting on - our USCIS approval. This is necessary before we can receive that referral. At this point, the US immigration service has officially said we are permitted to bring home CJ, and have informed the US Embassy in Guatemala of our intentions to do so.

So now, there's nothing standing in the way except time. We're close to 2 months into the wait, so I'm sure we've moved up the list a bit by now!

Anyway - this is actually a huge step - the Red Head cried when she saw it, but unfortunately I was at work and didn't get to see her initial reaction. Let's just say we've been on cloud 9 all evening, and it'll be another sleepless weekend, just due to all the excitement.

Hopefully soon we will have another envelope that will blow this one away!

An Authentic Wait

2007-03-13T20:43:00.000-04:00

I guess I'm determined to make a reference to our being in a waiting phase in every post until we receive a referral. But, we did get some good news yesterday. Here's what our social worker passed on from the Bethany home office:

"We received the dossier for the Shumate family back from authentication today."

This is the one area of dossier prep that I had not fully understood until I just did some reviewing of our instructions and other research. You see, in most of the instructions, we are told which documents require "State Seal and Authentication." So, for some reason I just assumed they went together hand in hand - that the state did the authentication and seal. The SW corrected me a couple months ago and said, no, we send the dossier for authentication once you get all those state seals.

I was thinking it was something akin to an expert signing off one last time on their legitimacy kinda like a certificate of authentication for a famous person's autograph. If I recall, I even used this comparison before.

Well, sorta, but not quite...

In actuality, these documents are even more like gold now. They have been authenticated by the Guatemalan consulate in NYC!!! That means a representative of the Guatemalan government has seen them and said - yah, they look like the real deal.

Of course, that's not technically getting us any closer to Carmen, but it does mean our paperwork is in order at this point, and hopefully will not cause any delays later on in the process. That doesn't mean a speedy process, just hopefully one less thing to worry about after referral. Did I ever tell you that our agency and social worker are awesome?

Hanging on for the ride!!!

2007-03-08T23:50:00.000-05:00

I've got some good news, but no referral or immigration approval. This is news that you might be surprised to hear considering I didn't share the bad news that precedes it. Let me explain.

Hopefully, this isn't too much boring detail but I need to backtrack a bit.

Most countries involved in international adoptions are signatories to a treaty (The Hague Convention) that supposedly creates standards and safeguards for the adoption process. All countries must implement legislation that brings them into compliance. Guatemala is lagging in this area. If the US ratifies the treaty before they become compliant, adoptions there could be halted. We are in good shape for that timing as ratification isn't expected until late 2007 or 2008.

But, in the mean time, politicians in Guatemala are debating various methods for implementing revisions to their adoption system. Last week, President Berger announced some guidelines that he believes should be part of that system. Given that Guatemala is still a young Democracy, there was some concern that he would attempt to implement these changes without legislative approval. Keep in mind that this would not have meant our adoption would be halted, but it would have meant a major delay.

The bad news (that we never confirmed 100% until today) is that during this little "scare" Bethany suspended all referrals. While we are on the waiting list, we cannot get a referral until that pesky immigration approval shows up. So it was a bit nerve-racking, but not critical to us yet. Although it did put a nice scare into some of our friends also on the waiting list.

The good news is that they have re-opened referrals!!! Also, Bethany has determined with a fairly high level of confidence that the President and Congress of Guatemala will be working more closely with the adoption community on creating a solution to become compliant without creating major delays. God willing, we will only be scrutinized more than otherwise, but hopefully the time line will not be impacted a great deal.

So, the bottom line is that we continue to wait for the immigration approval and the referral of our little Carmen. There were a lot of people out there praying that this current bump in the road would be resolved, and it looks like it has been. Sorry to all those in the blogosphere that I did not mention the issue while it was happening, but until we heard directly from our social worker, there were just too many rumors swirling around the issue and I'm not much for passing around rumors. Folks who have been through this before will tell you that these types of scares are par for the course when it comes to Guatemalan adoptions. Let me tell you these past couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster - or at least a tilt-a-whirl.

Tamales for CJ

2007-03-04T23:44:00.000-05:00

Well, it's the end of a long day still on the waiting list for our little Carmen.

As I promised a while back - we had our first experience practicing making tamales. And boy - do we need more practice. It was a lot of fun and a lot of work. At the very least, we learned a lot about what we like and don't like, and the masa turned out pretty good, which is something I didn't expect.

Take a look over on the tamale section of my food blog to see our experience.

My little Philly

2007-03-01T21:49:00.001-05:00

OK, so on to something a little less intense and certainly more fun. You must understand, that just like announcing a pregnancy, telling people you're adopting leads to lots of fun gifts and offers to borrow stuff. We already have been given or are borrowing a matching crib and changing table, some cloths, a car seat (that actually matches the interior of my pickup truck!), and few other items. Oh, and not to mention advice several free notarizations!

It's tuff to buy too many cloths at this point because we don't have the referal, and we don't really know for sure how big she'll be when she comes home. The best guess is that she'll be under a year old, so all shopping is not in vain!

So last week, the wife and her best friend spent the day browsing at baby stuff and she picked up a present for me. Yup, this is a present for me. I can't wear it, but I sure will show it off some day! Hanging next to it is my own Phillies hat - also a present a couple years ago (along with a trip to awesome Citizen's Bank Park)

Yah, that's a Phillies chearleader outfit. I know, there's no cherleaders in baseball, but heck - it's cute isn't it?

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I love baseball. I remember the Phillies winning the World Series in 1980, and losing it in 1983. Then I remember the total silence for 15 minutes amongst a dorm room full of friends after Joe Carter hit that home run off of Mitch Williams to win the series in '93. Mike Schmidt and Steve Carlton were my idols during the 80's. I cringe when I see Curt Schilling and Scott Rolen winning titles while the Phils keep missing the playoffs by 1 or 2 games! I sense hope with our current lineup of Ryan Howard and Chase Utley, and a rotation of Cole Hammels, Bret Myers, and Freddie Garcia. Can they win the division this year - you bet. Will I be taking my CJ to her first big league game summer of 2008? Absolutely!

About Guatemalan adoptions

2007-03-01T21:49:00.000-05:00

OK, this is going to sound a bit like another commentary and I kinda promised myself, and perhaps any readers of this blog, that I would not get controversial. This is about the struggle and joy of bringing home our baby girl. Being able to keep you all updated with this technology has been a blessing - I've had several people approach me and say - congratulations on getting on the waiting list after having seen it on the blog! Your thoughts and prayers mean more than I can ever express.

So, I want to address some of the difficulties and concerns about foreign adoptions in general and Guatemalan adoption specifically. There are all kinds of issues surrounding domestic adoption as well, an addition so specific worries for each of the countries that allow Americans to adopt. I'm sure most of you don't pay as much attention to these things as I do, but Guatemalan adoptions have shown up in the news lately, and not totally in a positive light.

The Problems:
If you really want to know the specifics, start googling, but I can tell you I've read just about all of it and it does NOT in any way apply to the process we are going through. The various proposals and controversies MAY, however, impact our process at some point as they lead to closer scrutiny of international adoption cases. We, and our agency welcome the scrutiny because we KNOW we are doing everything legally and ethically. This is not always the case, and sadly, it's these cases that make the news and lead to political blather and even harsh legislation. Never will you see the headlines, "Happy family brought together from thousands of miles apart!" or "Well respected agency assists family and child to unite!"

I really want to stay positive, but think along with me about it as I describe the safeguards in place for our own process.

What are we paying for exactly?
Our agency provides a legal disclosure of their fees up front, and opens their books to us so we can see specifically the destination of those fees. They do not pay off birth mothers to "give up" their child. In fact, the birth mother is counseled extensively to ensure she understands and truly desires to make an adoption plan for her child. Some of the fees we pay will be used by Bethany for the care of Carmen (formula, medical care, diapers!) while she is with her foster family - similar to the stipend that the government provides for foster parents here in the States. Some of the fees are used for the processing of paperwork in both the US and Guatemala and for the services provided by the Bethany social workers in both countries as well. Just like any legal process, there are fees involved. Just like caring for any infant, there are quite a few expenses.

How does the agency know the child is really an orphan?
As you have read in much detail, the red head and I have already gone through quite a bit of screening to ensure that we are fit to be be parents and to bring a child into our home from another country. Similarly, the birth mother will end up signing off 3 separate times and submitting to a DNA test to match the baby before things can be finalized in Guatemala. Every time I think about that, I wonder how hard it must be for her. First to come to the realization that adoption might be the best thing, then to not legally be allowed to just get it over with in one shot. Let me tell you, birth mothers in this process are not abandoning their children, they truly are making plans for them to be raised by someone else.

What happens to CJ between referral and coming home?
Similarly, foster parents go through extensive screening and training by Bethany staff, ensuring that they understand their role and provide a safe and loving atmosphere while the legal process continues. It truly takes a dedicated and strong family to foster under any circumstances. They are responsible for so much, and I read over and over how emotional the "hand over" day can be for them. Many of the foster parents are empty nesters, or have teenage children still at home, so they are able to provide good temporary homes, but may not be able to adopt. The foster parent's role is to be honored and valued as well.

Why does it take so long?
Actually, I'm pretty sure the discussion above answers that question. CJ cannot simply be whisked away as soon as her birth mother initiates the adoption plan. 3 main things must happen that each take 1-3 months. 1) DNA test ensuring a match. 2) The Guatemalan government must review the case, interview the birth mother and sign off. 3) The US government reviews the case, provides a medical screening of Carmen, and signs off for the immigration. These are all legitimate and necessary safeguards that are necessary to protect the rights of all parties involved.

Alrighty then. I hope that wasn't too heavy, and I'm sorry if that seems to have come out of left field. There really has been some news and commentary lately, so it's been on my heart to share that with the blogosphere. Because I already feel a sort of connection with Guatemala and Central America, I actually have a lot more commentary in my head in relation to adoption legislation, US-Guatemalan relations(both current and historic), and government and private aid. E-mail me or ask me in person if really want t know - I'm leaving it out of the blog.

The language of adoption

2007-02-23T12:48:00.000-05:00

Finally a post for the wait - catching up on what I promised. I have no idea if anyone out there cares much for my commentary, but I'll give it a go. This particular topic could really take many posts and it just might turn out that way.

First, let me say that I had no concept about adoption language before getting involved in this. I have, however, always regarded adoption in a positive and normal way. Adoption is a very special means to grow a family, just like pregnancy is a very special means to grow a family. Most kids are born into a family, some are adopted. Both equally valid, challenging, and rewarding. The idea is that adopted kids should not be viewed differently, treated differently, or addressed differently. Kids should, however, know that they were adopted.

As for the "language of adoption" - this is something that many articles and book chapters address, and was covered in some detail during our class back in December. As I've said before, I'm probably the least politically correct person in the world, so trust me - this isn't about political correctness. It's about what you say to whom and in front of whom. And it's about how and what you talk about that may or may not reveal how you feel about some aspect of adoption, or inter-cultural adoption (I’ll save that for another post)

We end up sharing our adoption plans with all kinds of people just because it comes up in conversation. You know, all parents talk about their kids and most of them ask people our age if we have any yet. Our answer is as you might expect – “no, but we're in the process of adopting” - which leads to a wide range of reactions. Most people are immediately supportive. Some don’t even blink or even mention adoption again –welcoming us to the parents club and discussing those challenges. Others are really curious about how adoption works and ask a lot of questions. Those are by far the most common categories of reactions, both very supportive and appropriate.
Let me give you a couple of examples of the less appropriate comments...

1) In one such case (with someone I may never see again), the first words in response to sharing our story was "oh so you can't have any of your own." He stated it as if it were a factual observation of our situation. There's so much wrong with that statement that it's hard to imagine where to begin. Why would anyone assume adoptive parents cannot have conceive? And if that were true – it’s totally inappropriate to remind them of that fact while they are sharing their joy with you. Perhaps more importantly for us, our daughter WILL be our own - the same as a biological child would be your own child. This notion actually comes up a lot, and there are even ruder ways of saying it.

Do I think this person meant anything the least bit malicious? Of course not. Chances are he simply associates adoption with infertility. Actually, he had to have assumed we were unable to conceive, or he wouldn't have brought it up. Perhaps it's a foreign concept to him that adoption might be a first or equal option. How many of us ever even thought about it before? Please know that I really am not offended by these comments, but they did open my eyes. Suppose Carmen had been with me and someone said something like this? “You’re second best because Mommy and Daddy only adopted you because they couldn’t make a baby the normal way.” For a child, that thought process is not that big of a stretch. Talk about inferiority complex!

2) "You're such good people to be doing what you're doing. You're girl will be lucky to have you."
OK, now this is a tuff one because I'm betting a lot of people are thinking - hey, what's wrong with that? The problems with this statement are more related to the reasons most people adopt, and the stigma placed on adopted kids by our society. Again, another one of those concepts I never thought about until I started this process, and I even commented on it, way back near the beginning of this blog.
Let me put it as simply as I can, we are not adopting because we are good people. We are not adopting because we are humanitarians of some sort, trying to solve the socio-economic problems in Central America. If that were our goal, our money would actually be better spent in other ways. You’ve read it here dozens of times – we’re adopting because we have so much love to share, and wish to grow our family. One way to do that is to provide a home for a little girl that would not otherwise have one. This is actually quite different than saving a child from poverty. That’s why they call it a match made in heaven!
As far as the actual words, they really are generally harmless to me, but, we do have to be careful later. There’s no way CJ should be expected to be grateful for our having adopted her. I’m sure we are all grateful for our families, but we are not “rescuing” or “saving” her (words taken from actual quotes). Adoptive families have shared with us that people have actually approached their child and TOLD them that they are lucky to have been adopted. Yikes! The reality is - she is in some ways saving us and we are the ones who are blessed.

I actually have much more to share on this subject, some of it much less heavy. Hopefully, I’m making some sense so far – just let me know if what I’m saying isn’t getting through.

We're officially WAITING!!!

2007-02-20T21:14:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post for the news. We found out today that we are indeed on the waiting list for our little girl!!! As a matter of fact, we've been on the list for about 10-14 days. Our social worker told us that once we submitted our dossier to the home office we would be put on the list. We assumed that meant some time after that, we'd get some kind of notification. Well, as it turns out, the fact is - dossier submission = on the waiting list!!!

So, all this talk in the last couple of posts about waiting to be on the waiting list turns out to be nonsense. We're on the list?

OK, the obvious questions - how much longer?

The official line on waiting time for a girl referal is 2-6 months - lately they have been more in the 2-4 range - so hopefully we won't be waiting too terribly long. Once we get the referal - we're looking at 6-12 months, which I know is a big range, but there are many variables in Guatemala once you've got the referal.

Wooo Hoooo!!!

Comic Relief as we wait for the waiting to begin

2007-02-20T02:43:00.001-05:00

We've been talking at work about Jack Handy - you know "Deep Thoughts"?

Here are some of my favs, plus a funny video of how not to qualify for an adoption.
UPDATE - I have a love-hate relationship with Blogger - kinda like Radio Shack. This worked fine last night, but it's not showing up in the blog window today. Here's the link.
SNL at the adoption agency

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered that they were not Indians at all but only dirty-clothes hampers.

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

Waiting for the Wait can be Grand

2007-02-11T22:43:00.000-05:00

Well, no major updates since the last time. The only thing we really learned was that the main Bethany office has indeed received our dossier documents and are reviewing them. At the moment, we are literally waiting to be placed on the waiting list. We're also waiting for our I-171H approval from the immigration service.

Luckily for us, this past week of waiting for waiting has gone by like a breeze. My company sent me to Scottsdale, Arizona for a GIS and BPM software conference. The wife came along on the cheap - only really having to buy a plane ticket. Obviously the room and rental care were already paid, and even most of the food. As I'm sure you can all imagine, it's hard to do anything without thinking about our Carmen, even though we haven't even met yet. On the plane, we talked about what it'll be like to fly with her. In the Marriott Hotel, we talked about what it'll be like to be visiting her, which will take place in a hotel room - a Marriott to be specific.

Among all of that was an opportunity to visit the Grand Canyon. Let me tell you, I don't care what you believe about exactly how the Creation took place. You can't see the Grand Canyon without at least wondering if there is a God! So random, yet so perfect. So deep, yet to tall. So complex, all with a small river still meandering through the bottom. It's way more impressive than even words or pictures can describe. Here's a few samples, but do find a way to visit this amazing place yourself.

From Grand Canyon

I continue to be impressed with our digital camera after a trip like this. It's Canon Powershot A95 - which is now a couple of years old, but it's easy to use always takes great shots, without hogging up batteries. Still, pictures do not do God's work justice here.

Home Study Completed

2007-02-01T23:39:00.000-05:00

NEWS FLASH - the Adoption home study has been completed. We now have all documents completed that will allow us to get on that elusive waiting list. This by far was our biggest hurdle to date. Let me explain.

The Adoption Home Study is a big report prepared by our social worker - all about us. It's the specific reason why we've been meeting with our social worker regularly over the past 2 months. It's the main reason why we had to read all of those books, submit to interviews, describe our home and marriage in detail. Technically speaking, it's considered the final approval for moving forward with the adoption, meaning, we're eligible to be placed on the waiting list. But hooooold your horses, 2 small, but critical steps before this happens...

The Home Study is a major requirement for our Guatemala Dossier, along with all of those items mentioned in my previous post. Right now we've got a giant pile of documents that will need to receive a state seal (which is essentially a verification of all of those notaries - we'll take care of this in Harrisburg tomorrow) . Then they will be authenticated (which Bethany will take care of next week). Think of this step as a having a certificate of authentication for a valuable autograph or antique.

By this time tomorrow, our documents will be on their way to Bethany's central office for one final check. It could be as little as 2 weeks before we're on the waiting list for Carmen!!!

A quick timeline update from there. There are slew of interim steps involved, which I'll explain later on.

Mid Feb - on the waiting list.
June-Aug - receive referral.
Dec 07-Jan 08 - bring home CJ.

Thanks again for all your prayers and support. It's a huge relief to get to this stage. The paperchase is complete!

POST FROM E-MAIL

2007-01-31T07:55:00.001-05:00

I'm testing blogger's ability to post from e-mail, rather than logging into blogger itself.

This is a pretty cool feature - if it works!

Coming to a blog near you - or at least this one.

2007-01-29T12:35:00.000-05:00

Every now and then, I go back and re-read some of my old posts. A couple weeks ago, I realized that I would occasionally say write like - "more on that later" or "maybe I'll explain that more later on." So, I'm sortof preparing re-visit some of "that" in February. Sometime there-abouts we'll be in a waiting period of some sort, so updates will be largely about things not directly linked to the process, like getting the room ready, and upcoming "Guatemala night" (more on that later - hehe).

I also noticed that I've been providing more technical updates and fewer "reflections." This will be remedied in the coming months to be sure.

SO, here's a preview of the things I would like to blog about.

1) The "Language" of adoption. This is in some ways a really big deal and in other ways no big deal at all. We're not the least bit obsessed with worrying about political correctness and the like - I always refer to myself as unoffendable. At the same time, there are ways of talking and writing about adoption that one needs to consider. I've learned that some adopting parents are hyper-sensitive to these types of things, but I've also learned that one must speak clearly about the adoption itself so as to accurately explain what's going on. The title of this blog - for instance, might imply that I consider CJ to be a thing, a commodity, to be "gotten" so to speak. But really, I'm talking about how to go about finding a daughter with whom I will share my love by bringing a family together. There are entire chapters of books written about the language of adoption.

2) That brings me to my next future topic - our required readings. We're all finished up with those, and now are supposed to share them with friends and family. Luckily for us - the one we disliked the most is the one we didn't actually buy for ourselves -we borrowed it. The one's we have on our home and ready to lend out are Cross Cultural Adoption and Raising Adopted Children. You might find these at your local library as well, but let me know if you'd like to borrow our copies.

3) Incorporating Guatemalan culture and history. This is something I'm very much looking forward to, not just because of the food, but because history and ancestry intrigues me anyway. I've spend some time researching my own Huguenot background - so why shouldn't Carmen learn about her roots as well? Of course, our roots will be her roots as well. Should be fun!

4) Why a birth mother (specifically a Guatemalan woman) might choose adoption. There are chapters and books written about subjects related to this as well. I can never put myself in someone else's shoes, but it's important to at least try to understand something about the adoption from the birth-parent's perspective.

Tamale training

2007-01-28T00:05:00.000-05:00

OK a looooong time ago, I posted on this blog that I wondered if I'd someday be making tamales for my Guatemalan born daughter.

Looks like I'll be making them even before actually becoming a father. Today, we bought the 2 main ingredients required for making tamales - corn husks and and corn flour for making masa. In fact, we've got 50 husks and a big bag of corn flour. This will allow us to make several batches, and hopefully get pretty good at it over time. The process is known to be difficult and time consuming - but quite fun and rewarding also. I'm pretty sure it'll be rewarding, as tamales are one of my favorite foods. Once we actually try this in a couple of weeks, I'll post our results here and on the my food blog - with differing points of view of course. More adoption news related to tamales will be revealed in the next month or two so keep in touch!

Tamales are actually are actually an ancient Native American food - common among the Maya in Guatemala. One of the major differences from the Mexican version would be that Guatemala tamales often use banana or plantain leaves. Not sure if we'll be able to find those readily, so we'll stick with corn husks for now. The meat can be made with pork, chicken, or beef, and the sauce can be red or green chili, mole, or one of many variations.

We're going to approximate this recipe for Tamales Colorados de Navidad - yup Christmas Tamales!!!

Nifty Links

2007-01-23T22:39:00.000-05:00

As you might expect, we're really getting into learning about Guatemala - it's Geography (of course), food, people, history, and music.

I added a few links of places I visit regularly that have allowed me to feel somewhat connected to our daughters country of birth. I would also like to point them out.

Here are 2 links that are part of the Daily Photo Blog ring. This is pretty cool actually, people literally take photos of a place that folks in another part of the world hold dear. Maybe you'll find some place important to you.

Antigua is an ancient and colonial city in Guatemala's highlands. It's known for it's pleasant climate and beautiful architecture - generally considered one of the most gorgeous cities in Central America. Here's the Antigua Daily Photo site.
Also - here's the same kind of site for Buenos Aires - considered the Paris of South America for many of the same reasons. I had the opportunity to visit there many years ago (as has one of this blogs faithful readers).

Here's another awesome site with photos at Trek Earth Guatemala.

Check out a few shopping sites that offer hand made Guatemalan goods.
10,000 Villages - which has store locations around the US, including Ephrata and Philly.
Mayan Traditions - which offers cool items over the web.

Lake Atitlan is an awesome volcanic lake that is apparently a growing tourist attraction that would welcome any US visitor.

Tikal is considered one of the most impressive archaeological sites on the Western Hemisphere. And I'm pretty much a wanna-be archaeologist.

ENJOY!!!

We're in the system

2007-01-19T21:03:00.000-05:00

More good news for those of you worried about us shady characters. Not only did we pass our various background and drug tests - but now the Department of Homeland Security's United States Citizenship and Immigration Office has our fingerprints! So, if we ever return to our life of crime, we'll have to start wearing gloves.

Yup, we've been fingerprinted- which is part of the requirements for gaining approval to bring a foreign born orphan into the country. And in our case, it's part of the requirement for CJ to gain her own citizenship by classifying her as an immediate relative (our daughter) - this all part of the I-600 process.

We had 2 options for places to have these fingerprints taken, Philadelphia and York. If anyone out there has to decide which place to go, don't even hesitate - drive to York. It's right off the bypass, the office is in a neat little farmhouse, and the people there were extremely nice.

Don't get me wrong, they've got some cool technology. Fingerprints are not done with ink anymore. They have this nifty scanning device. They spray some special solution on your fingers, wipe off the little scanner pad, stick the finger there, click a foot pedal and you're in the system. All fingers, thumbs, plus 4 fingers at once - both hands. The coolest part? The one lady was in a particularly good mood - all of their visits that day were from adopting parents!

Now, we wait for final approval of the I-600 and completion of the home study report.

The BIG visit

2007-01-16T23:02:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking this might be a great time to put our house on the market. The house has never been cleaner, more organized, and certainly never been more "set-up". What I mean by setup is that each room is now totally defined. We've got 4 bedrooms, plus a family room and den just for the 2 of us - so previously we've always had at least 1 room as a complete mess with the door closed, and another room not really setup for anything useful - often just a storage area. Now, we've got all the rooms actually defined for a specific use. We've also got the new sidewalk referenced here, and I also recently finished replacing the last of the old windows (only took me 6 years!).

But, alas, it was all a big preparation for our home visit - the last truly scary portion of the home study. This to me was the part of the process that worried me the most. For some reason to visit someones office and agree to be interviewed is a more intentional step, thus - not nearly as worrisome. But for someone with so much control over our pending adoption to visit our home and judge it worthy or not for raising kids seems like an intrusion.

Let me tell you - not only do I have further confirmation that our social worker from Bethany is simply the best, not the least intrusive. For anyone out there considering this process, there really isn't anything to be scared of. It's not easy, but it's not as scary as it seems either. Jessica arrived just a few minutes early, and we introduced her to Penny, our mutt of a pooch. Then we gave her what amounted to a 15 minute tour of our house. Yup - just 15 minutes. No peaking in cabinets, no checking behind shower curtains, didn't even care to see the furnace or really inspect anything for safety. The main purpose literally was to determine if our home was large enough to support a family. Geez what a load off, but as some of our friends and blog-readers have recently confirmed - big re-organization, painting, and cleaning projects are more than worth it in the long run.

Once the tour was over, we spent some time talking about what the area and neighborhood are like. We discussed educational and cultural opportunities, as well as locations of shopping, fire departments, and parks. The required readings were discuss during this chat as well - I'll post more commentary on that later - but Jessica really seemed to value our opinion. We also discussed ways in which we plan to incorporate Guatemalan and Latino culture into CJ's life. More on that later on as well. {side note - I'm really hoping the waiting period is short - but it will provide me with time to ponder these topics}

Finally, Jessica reviewed our paperwork, provided some guidance on next steps, and pretty much declared the process in her court as we've done all of our paperwork at this point, and now that the home visit is in the bag, she can work on our home study report. She was unable to stay for lunch - but gladly accepted a "to go" order of Melissa's tasty quiche and lemon bars.

So, what are the next steps you might ask? Well..

1) Get fingerprinted by the department of homeland security. This is part of our approval for bringing a foreign born orphan into the country. that process will wrap up about a month after the fingerprinting.

2) Take our homestudy to Harrisburg for authentication. Yup, now that we have all the official documents - we have to take them to the state so they can tell us that they are official - yet again. The difference is, then they become like gold. No messing around - these are the documents that will be passed around between our agency, the Guatemalan government, and the American embassy in Guatemala City.

3) Wait for "final approval" from Bethany, who will then put us on the waiting list for a little girl. Yah, it's getting close, but still probably about 6-8 weeks before we're on that list.

That's it for now folks - there are more tiny updates, but I'm hitting the sack now after a long couple of days. Thanks so much for all your support and prayers. We welcome any words of encouragement as we get prepared to wrestle with more bureaucrats!

Who are we?

2007-01-12T12:51:00.000-05:00

Well, I can tell you exactly who we are! In fact, We've got so many government agencies asking us to prove who we am that I'm pretty sure postman is wondering what's going on (tip to the red-head on that little joke).

We've got some government agencies asking us to ask other government agencies to prove who we are. Then once we do that we have to ask another government agency to authenticate the proof we just obtained from the second agency. Later, well send the proof and authentication to the first agency.

In one case I ordered a document online (way to go technology!) - then I FedEx-ed it back to the EXACT SAME OFFICE BUILDING to be stamped by a different agency within the same branch of government. Why? Well, because one agency is responsible for issuing the document, and the other is responsible for authenticating it. The document requester is the only one who can request authentication, which can only be done after the document has been delivered to the requester. Got all that?

Something tells me these folks have never heard of concept of Business Process Management - much less put any effort into improving those processes. As silly as all this is for us - I can't imagine how crazy it must seem to an insider. I will say this, the absolute most efficient agency by far has been the Department of Homeland Security. They turned around our request around in less than a week. OK, enough of the PM soapbox for now.

QUICK NEWS FLASH (literally after having seen a delivery reported via FedEx tracking)- the update portion of this post is that we've successfully obtained ALL of these documents. This is a major hurdle early in the process.

Here's a brief list of the ways in which we had to prove we exist, prove we are healthy, or prove we were not frauds.

1) Birth Certificate (one for each) - newly issued - proves we were born.
2) Marriage License - proves we were approved to be married.
3) Marriage Certificate - proves we actually went through with it.
4) References - I suppose these prove we know at least a few people who feels sorry enough for us to write something remotely nice about us.
4) Affidavit of names - lists all the names we've ever been known by (think all nicknames and formal derivations of names - this is a lot harder for married women). No, doufus and geekwad are not included in my list (Neither is Pat Sajak or Wink Martindale - hehe only some of you know what that's all about).
5) Medical report - proves we still exisit today. Actually, it's to show that we fooled a doctor into believing we're healthy.
6) HIV test - The interesting thing here is that I cannot actually find any document that says we would be disqualified if the test had come back positive.
7) Drug test - proves we don't eat poppy seed bagels or train with Barry Bonds.
8) Criminal background check - proves we never got caught.
9) Child abuse clearance - not going to make a joke here.
10) Employment letter - proves someone doesn't pay me enough for all my hard work!
11) Photos - yup pictures of ourselves and our home. This proves we are not Amish or Hobos. The coonidence of those 2 words in the same sentence may have never happened before in the history of the English language. That fact is not to be construed as me insuating the are related.
12) Passports - this essentially proves nothing given all of thee above!
I'm sure I missed something!

That's it for now - our social worker from Bethany will be visiting next week. Soon after that the dossier will be complete, and we'll be getting finger printed, and creating the formal packet to send to Guatemala. We're looking at 1-2 months before we get on the waiting list though -so let's not get ahead of ourselves!

My Watchword Text

2007-01-07T22:25:00.000-05:00

Every year at the first Sunday worship service, each congregant chooses a personal watchword. These are usually single verses or brief Bible passages that provide some valuable insight or inspiration. This is a longstanding tradition similar to the use of daily texts that a regular opportunity for the same. In fact, many organizations within the church also choose watchwords - youth group, choir, boards, etc.

To be honest, usually the watchword is a nice proverb that seems interesting, but I forget about it by the end of January. This year, M & I were working the kitchen in prep for our pork and sauerkraut supper- with yours truly being in charge of mashed taters. Luckily, or good friend brought the watchwords downstairs and reminded us to choose one for ourselves. Getting back to the point - my watchword this year just might stick with me.

The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

No doubt we'll need to keep this in mind during in 2007 as we continue the process to bringing home Carmen.

Truckin along!!!

2007-01-04T21:03:00.000-05:00

We had our individual interviews this morning. I can't say enough about our social worker, Jessica. She just has a pleasant and comforting way about her - truly ensuring us that she's guiding and helping us through a process, rather than hunting for issues that might disqualify us.

While the red-head was being interviewed, I watched a video that discusses the adoption triad. Birth parents, child, adoptive parents. We're learning a lot about this concept, and the video highlighted the joys and pains experienced by all three after an adoption is complete - even many years after the fact. More on that some other time - I'll have lots of time to post about these kinds of things once we go into the waiting period.

In less than 2 weeks, we'll be having our home visit. This is where Jessica will actually come to our home to continue discussions and take a tour. I'm betting this won't be so scary either.

Meanwhile, we're prepping our I-600A application to the US Citizenship & Immigration Service. This will lead to the feds approving us to adopt and bring a foreign orphan into the United States of America. It will truly be the first step informing the government that we intend to bring home CJ. This approval will be referenced many many months from now while we're at the US Embassy in Guatemala City holding her as she becomes a US Citizen and our daughter.

According to the social worker, we're completing paperwork faster than most people. It doesn't seem like it to us, but she had previously told us that this part of the process will move as fast as we want it to move. Hopefully no one out there gets the impression that we're going to be bringing home a child next week! In reality, all of this work will get us onto the waiting list earlier, which is good, but they don't call it a waiting list for nothing! To recap the estimated time-line - we could expect to end up on a waiting list some time in March - April. That wait will be 3-6 months - so it will be Summer-time before we receive a referral.

Take care all - thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Happy New Year!!!

2006-12-31T06:13:00.000-05:00

I'm up early smoking a pork roast. Things are running smoothly (check it out on my food blog), but I just wanted to take the time to wish you all a happy and blessed New Year! 2007 figured to be exciting for many reasons, but 2006 was also filled with many blessings. While we made the decision and announced our adoption plans, everyone, and I mean everyone has been so supportive. I've never had so many people smile at me before. I even ran into an old friend at Sam's club on Friday who now has 2 kids. He seemed genuinely excited for me - a guy he had not seen in 4 years - a guy that was really just a moderately close friend.

Even so, the red-head and I also became an aunt and uncle yet again, and also became a great aunt and uncle. My parents moved, Melissa "retired" from her job and is going gangbusters on prepping the house for a bigger family. There are many other things to be thankful for this year, and obviously much to look forward to in 2007.

Not sure if I'll get a chance to post again until later in the week. No major updates - we did receive some more of our paper-chase materials the other day - a copy of our marriage license and a copy of my birth certificate. We have our individual interview's on Thursday, so please keep us in mind that day. Not a scary hurdle, but another step to be sure.

Merry Christmas!!!

2006-12-25T22:37:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. As you might guess, this year has been extra special. It's been mega-difficult to no think about CJ as we visit family, attend church events, and read Christmas cards.

These last 2 weeks in December has been particularly special as more and more people learn about what we're up to, we're finding more and more amazing experiences along the way. Everyone we talk to is sooooo supportive in so many different ways. Whether it's processing paperwork quickly, offering to pray, or even just welcoming us into the club of parenthood. Lot's of folks speak of a cousin, friend, or church-mate who adopted and how they got to see not only the process, but the way in which everyone involved were blessed. Lately, we've been bolstered by the smiles and comments of co-workers, government clerks, and even lab nurses.

I am sometimes too quick to discuss that process and talk about all the "stuff" we have to go through to qualify. Meanwhile many of you ready to talk to us about parenthood. This really helps us to snap out of the technical mode and back into "getting us one of these!" It's fantastic to have so much backing from all those "Rod Chairs" out there.

Once again. Thank you and Merry Christmas!

Paperchase Rounds 2 & 3 - big wins

2006-12-20T22:40:00.000-05:00

The paperchase continues...
What a day!!! Got a lot done in a short period of time.
Physicals and drug tests:
I worked from home today, which enabled us to take time over lunch and go to our physical exams required for the adoption. I haven't had one of these in many years, and I was totally expecting it to be more invasive. You know - turn your head and cough type stuff. Nothing like that took place. The Dr looked in our ears, throats, whacked our elbows and knees, and asked a ton of questions. She was quite personable and we are quite glad we switched doctors. In actuality, we never had a regular doctor at the other place, which was clearly part of the problem. We also had TB tests and tetanus shots. Once we were done, we headed over to the lab and submitted blood and urine samples. So we'll know in a couple of days if either of us does drugs or had AIDS. I'm pretty confident we'll clear those hurdles! So, the end result once the tests come back will be yet another completed form required for the home study.

You may recall that I promised not to disparage anyone or any organization through the process - hence I won't name our former doctor's office. But, I see no reason not to put in a good word for those people and organizations that have helped us out and are worthy of mention. Doctor Neihls practices at St. Lawrence Medical Associates. It's a nice facility with a pleasant staff, and it's literally 1 minute from our house!

Criminal background checks:
The mailman also delivered our completed criminal background checks this afternoon. Those of you who were worried that just because we were cleared of child abuse, maybe we were wanted on money laundering charges can rest easy. We're both clear of criminal history - at least as as far as the state of PA knows! Either way - yet another hurdle in the long list.

Next up - new copies of birth and marriage certificates.

Paperchase, round 1 in the bag

2006-12-15T21:47:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update tonight. We both received our child abuse clearences today. Having worked with kids since college, Melissa's been through this a bunch of times before. Apparently, the clearence comes back way faster if you write "Adoption" on the. Took less than a week, when it normally takes 2-3 weeks.

I'm imressed at the fanciness of the certificate. It looks like something you might frame and hang on the wall - fancy type, and slightly off-white paper. Can't image actually doing so, but it kinda feels good getting our first official government approval related to the adoption completed. They call it the "Paper-Chase" for a reason, and we win round 1.

Anyway, those of you with kids out there will be glad to know we're in the clear!

Technical updates

2006-12-13T14:19:00.000-05:00

Not sure what's going on, but it seems like blogger beta find a way to blow away my edits from time to time. Anyone else notice that?
If I save a draft of a post, or go back and edit a post, I'll notice sometimes it reverts back to an older version. It's very frustrating.

The reason I point this out is that I updated the previous 2 posts with some links that I thought I had in there before. So if you're interested, take a second peek and you'll see some interesting info.

A little more Guatemala detail

2006-12-12T21:29:00.000-05:00

Having given you all some detail of what's to come here in the good old US of A, I figured it might make sense to also discuss how this all will work in Guatemala. Truth be told, some of the reasons we were attracted to this program revolve around the fact that we actually get a lot of info about what's going on there.

Here's what we know - the path that a child takes into being placed for adoption. I won't get into some of the stuff we learned in the class last week - discussing reasons why a child might end up in need of a family. In most cases (like 95%), it starts with a mother making a choice for her unborn child, so we'll go with that scenario. Why she chooses that option would depend on a lot of factors.

1) A Guatemalan woman chooses an adoption plan for her child, either unborn, or newly born. This kind of choice must be very painful, but takes a great deal of reflection to admit that you may not be able to care for the child you carried for 9 months.

2) That woman is referred to Bethany Christian Services, who coordinates all of the legal and social service proceedings in Guatemala. This is different than most international programs, where Bethany maintains a relationship with orphanages and other organizations.

3) Once born, the birth mother and baby both submit blood samples to be processed for DNA match in the US. Once the match is made, the rest of the legal proceedings begin. I don't know all of the details of these proceedings, but just like in the US, I'm sure there's paperwork, profiles, and background checks.

4) Meanwhile, the birth mother has given up her parental rights from a legal point of view in Guatemala. The child is then placed with a Bethany trained foster family.

5) Bethany refers the child to prospective American parents on the waiting list. That would be us - presumably some time this summer:)

6) The Guatemalan foster family continues to provide care for the child with social and financial support from Bethany and the adoptive parents, such as training, formula, and medical care. Updates (including health & development), pictures, and gifts are exchanged between adoptive and foster parents.

7) We would be allowed to visit for 1 week some time after the positive DNA results.

8) All parties continue to wait for the legal process as the appropriate American and Guatemalan agencies exchange information and approve final immigration and adoption. Once everything is approved, we will be able to travel to Guatemala City and pick up our daughter.

Sorry if all of that seems tedious. It's just that most people I talk with have no concept of what actually happens in Guatemala. To those of you who are praying for us, our family, Bethany, and our soon-to-be daughter...

...May I suggest you also pray for her birth-mother, and when the time comes the foster parents?

A little more USA detail

2006-12-12T13:05:00.000-05:00

A lot of people ask us "so when can you bring her home" or "how long's that gonna take"? This comes to use from our closest friends as well as those whom we don't really know. I think most people realize that any kind of adoption can take a long time. We've gotten fairly deep into the "official" paperwork - often referred to as The Paperchase. Getting clearances, physicals, drug tests, etc, etc. All of this is required by the laws of the US government and to some degree the Guatemala government. So, let me describe the process and basic timeline with a little more clarity.

Where we are now: We are currently in the home study process (that's a great link if you want a comprehensive explanation of this). This is where a professional licensed social worker literally studies the family and home of the prospective adoptive parents. This is why we need the various clearances and must be interviewed. In January, the social worker will also visit our home for an inspection. The end goal of the home study is to produce a giant packet referred to as a dossier. Parts of the dossier are used for these purposes:

An application to Department of Homeland Security the right to bring a foreign orphan in to the United States.
Documentation for our family to formalize the adoption and become CJ's legal parents
To apply with the proper Guatemalan government agencies (often referred to as PGN) for the right to adopt a Guatemalan born orphan.
Lot's of private internal adoption agency stuff that I won't get into at the moment.

How long this will take: There's no way to know for sure. Our social worker is fantastic at keeping us up to date and making sure we know what to do next. In our last couple of e-mail exchanges, the latest guesses have us completing the home study by the end of January. It will take about 2 months (1-4 at either extreme) from that time for DHS to approve the immigration. That puts us into the end of March. Any good project manager would add at least a month to the estimate assuming a change order or some VP changing priorities - oops, sorry, wrong subject there. Anyway - let's assume some kind of delay somewhere, but not quite worst case. We could be sending our paperwork to Guatemala sometime in April/May.

Then what? Then we wait for Guatemala to approve the adoption as well. This could take a couple of months - which puts us into June. Soon after that well get a referral and start the immigration process from Guatemala. I'll include another post about the Guatemala process - I think it's worth discussing.

So, bottom line - when can you bring her home? Based on all of that stuff above. We really are looking at bringing home CJ right just over a year from now. It would seem most likely to happen in very early 2008. Right now, we're mentally prepared for Jan/Feb 2008 - if we beat that, then great - either way it will be a major blessing!

First frustrating delay? - Update crisis averted!

2006-12-11T13:41:00.000-05:00

This weekend and morning, we're experiencing what might turn out to be our first delay and it's coming from a source I never expected. There's no government involved, Bethany is still doing a great job, and nothing got lost in the mail.

It's our Doctor's office!!! I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

I promised myself that I would not disparage and organization (ok, I might pick on the state or fed government here and there). I'm sticking to that promise, so I'm not going to post the name of the practice we use. Truth be told, it's not just them.

One of the requirements for the home study process is to have a complete medical exam, including drug test, TB test, etc. We cannot proceed to the next steps (individual interviews and home visit) until we have those results. So I called our Dr office on Sat morning and left a message. They never called back to so I finally got ahold of them this morning only to learn they have no openings until January!!! I was only surprised for about 10 seconds. Even explaining the motivation behind my call did not help. The best she could offer is for ME to call back and check for any cancellations. Funny thing, because our last experience with them wasn't so hot either - we'd been thinking about going somewhere else.

So, I started calling around, and very few offices even had a person answer the phone, so I ended up leaving messages. The only one who answered was only a couple of days better than our current office.

We already have our next meeting scheduled and we even waited until January to make sure we would have plenty of time to get the exam and drug tests done. I can't believe it's possible we'll end up delaying that meeting because of this. Ugh. OK, time to calm down, this will work itself out, right?

UPDATE: I was able to get an appointment for us next week. I'd like to think the fact that I did not rip our old Doctor's office had something to do with this getting resolved. Do you believe in Karma (like Earl)? Well, I don't really either. Ok, well maybe I do, but don't quite call it the same thing. Do unto others - or in this case don't do!

Overwhelmingly on the same page

2006-12-07T19:35:00.000-05:00

We did indeed have our interviews today, and it wasn't the least bit scary. I guess most people think about social workers as looking for a problem. But really, Jessica seemed like she was just trying to get to know us. We spend about 90 minutes being "interviewed", and 30 or so minutes going over the next round of paperwork.

The whole thing was really just like a pleasant conversation with a new friend. Of course, they are providing a service for us, but they are also partnering to achieve the same goal - bringing a child and her parents together. We discussed our marriage only briefly - pretty much just how we met and how we decided to marry. She also asked us a bit about our education and employment histories. Then we talked about our decision to adopt via Guatemala. The time really flew by.

This new stack of paperwork includes forms for background checks, physicals and drug test, and child abuse clearances. None of this is new to Melissa as she worked through some of these procedures when hiring staff. We also received our dossier packet, and a complete set of instructions on how and when to fill out each section. Some of this we can do now, other parts will have to wait. It really seams like the ducks are starting to get themselves in a row. All in all, it's mostly filling out forms and instructions on obtaining new copies of our birth and marriage certificates.

I'm not sure how to describe the most interesting form. We must list all possible ways our name might have ever been used. For instance, think about JFK. I'm sure we've all seen his name any number of ways. John Fitzgerald Kennedy, John F. Kennedy, John Kennedy, Jack Kennedy, J.F. Kennedy, and so on. So, M and I must list every conceivable way our names might have ever been used. Interesting huh? I wonder if we need to include the rampant misspellings of our last name!

All in all, neither the interview or the stack of paperwork are intimidating. Oh, and what's with the title of this post? When the social worker asked us about the reaction from our family and friends we looked at each other, completely un-planned and simultaneously blurted out, "Overwhelming". Must be the truth!

The Food Blog

2006-12-06T14:00:00.000-05:00

OK, I've set it up. A separate blog for my food experiences.
http://gds-food.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!

Oh yah, and some news

2006-12-05T21:00:00.001-05:00

As for some actual updates, just a few quick ones before I hit the hay tonight.

We're moving on to the next step in the process!!!

1) All references have been returned. Thanks so much to all of those folks.

2) We handed in our big packet of information that even included some witnessed documents (thanks very much to those witnesses - you know who you are).

3) We have been officially assigned a social worker - her name is Jessica and she is clearly quite capable and caring at the same time. Jessica will guide us through the rest of the process

4) We have scheduled our joint interview on Thursday. This is a large part of our home study - a word your going to see here repeatedly over the next couple of months. Next will be individual interviews and a home visit. We home to complete those by the end of January.

5) After stopping on our way home yesterday for our traditional post-Lancaster milkshake from Sonic we picked our our first required reading (Raising Adopted Children) and a map of Guatemala from Barnes and Noble. I still can't figure out why Sonic doesn't have chocolate ice cream. Oh well. In case you didn't know, they're building one in Morgantown right now.

That's the update for now!

gittin' a ejukashun

2006-12-05T21:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was our International Adoption Education class. This was held at Lancaster Church of the Brethren - which has an excellent facility and I trust an equally impressive ministry.

The class focused on the language of adoption, attachment issues, and all the issues around becoming an intercultural family. Let's set aside attachment issues for now, but the language of adoption and cross cultural concepts are linked to some degree. I'm sure you're thinking, huh?

Here's what I'm talking about. Much of the language we use revolves around habit. For instance - think about once we are home with CJ. If someone asked you who her REAL parents were, what you would say? Some lady in Guatemala? Melissa and me? Not sure?

The point is not that we might answer this question the wrong way - it's about the language we use. CJ will have birth-parents and adoptive-parents. But you really should only use those terms when speaking on the matter of adoption itself. There was a day when even adoptive parents would introduce their kids - "these are my 2 son's and my adopted daughter." Can you imagine how the adopted daughter would feel? Another issue I had not considered was how to discuss adoption with other person's of authority such as teachers, Sunday School teachers, coaches, etc. In many cases, people are apt to actually be less critical of an adopted child for fear that they may react differently than everyone else. 95% of the time, this is not the case. Adopted kids misbehave for the same reasons as their peers.

Now, thinking about becoming a multi-cultural family - one's initial reaction might be "isn't she going to be an American." Oh yes, of course - she'll be integrated into our culture just as much as a biological kid would be. But we cannot ignore the fact that she'll always look different, and others will consider her Latino first, adopted second, and an American third. It will be unfair of us to ignore her birth culture, and we don't plan to do so. Bethany encourages all adoptive families to find ways to expose their children to the arts, food, and heritage of their home-country. I'm sure more of this will come up as we continue in the process. This is not about political correctness (don't get me started on that), it's about understanding what's really happening through adoption. A color blind society is about equality not sameness.

Getting back to that looking different thing. During the class, we reviewed a series of situations where others will be nothing less than rude. Even in today's America, people will judge a person based on how they look. Rude comments will be heard in the line at the grocery store. Strangers will ask if she is adopted, acquaintances will inquire how much we paid for her. Friends of friend who are not aware of the adoption will wonder if one of us "slept with a Mexican." (this is a real quote by the way). There's so much wrong with that last statement, I just won't go there yet.

On a more positive note, we learned a great deal about how to handle these situations. We also discussed certain steps we can take to prevent attachment problems after returning home. Think about it - adoption is a scarier ordeal for than child than for anyone else. First, she is carried in the womb by a mother who lovingly chooses life. Then that mother makes the extremely painful decision to place her for adoption. Next, she is cared for by a dedicated and capable foster family who provide her needs, witness her first milestones, and simply wait for a placement.

Several months later she's given to a new by a couple who sound different, stick her on a plane for 7 hours, then start to introduce her to brand new smells, foods, and people. Those first few weeks after returning home are critical to developing not just a bond, but an attachment between baby and parents. But all is not so frightening - we are her "forever family" - a term we heard several times yesterday. As time passes, we'll have to deal with the issues mentioned above, but if we become a strong family (with the help of all our rod chairs) we can face anything.

Here's a cute tidbit our social worker, Jessica e-mailed around today.

It's almost Advent!!!

2006-12-02T00:30:00.001-05:00

We decorated the tree today, and as you might imagine talked a lot about how Christmas will be different when CJ comes home. We think there's an outside chance that we'll have her with us during next Christmas, but it's not likely. At the very least, we may have pictures of her by then.

Here's a pic of our fireplace. Notice two stockings for the humans of the house-hold, plus one for our pooch and one each for our felines. It's really hard not to think about hanging another stocking from the mantle for Carmen. Lord willing, that day will come soon.

Merry Christmas everyone!

An open book - totally open

2006-12-02T00:30:00.000-05:00

Good grief, I never want to hear another one of you complain about the amount of paperwork you had to endure for some task. We've just completed the first round on paperwork for the Home Study. The idea behind the home study is for us to work with us to document as much as possible about our home. And I mean as much as possible. It's clear that this particular round is meant to lead us into examining ourselves with great detail.

Included are 15 separate instructions. Some are release forms, some are proof of insurance, and some are "studies". Additionally, we had to complete a will - along with a declaration of guardians should anything happen to us. My brother and sister-in-law have graciously accepted this responsibility, as we have for their son our nephew.

I want to spend a post later this weekend discussing the self-studies because these by far consumed a majority of our time to this point. We estimate that we spent 20-25 hours each on the self study, adoption assessment, and family budget. Add to that some other leg work to get a will done, have some paper's signed by my employer, and scan various documents so we have a backup; and now we're talking a total of 50 hours total.

Talk about an open book. The family budget alone reveals information that I don't remember telling even our mortgage company. It was actually quite useful once we got down to it. We've been using MS Money for a while, and have a nifty budget setup in there, but not with the kind of details in the home study budget. We had to list all of our assets and liabilities, categorize every penny we spend each month, and even print out a credit report. This thing is so detailed, it even has a line item for hair care. Yup, hair care - do you know anyone that actually includes that in their monthly budget? Good grief.

One good this is that we really do have a better handle on where we stand financially. We're responsible people, and like I said - we've got a basic budget plan going - but this self examination actually made us feel better about the financial leap we're about to make.

Just one more note. The Bethany docs also require a credit report. Their recommendation is to use take advantage of your right to obtain this report on your own. I'm glad the law is there, but it seems odd that we only have the right to check our own credit once for free. You may have noticed that those web sights like frecreditreport.com are not really free. The only one that's truly free is http://www.annualcreditreport.com/. M just ran this for both of us this evening. Very interesting info. I had completely forgotten about some store credit cards that we've had for many years. I'm not even sure we actually have the plastic anymore!!!

More updates to come. Class on Monday - so please pray for us.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone - including CJ?

2006-11-23T22:46:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me, knows I absolutely love Thanksgiving. This year is extra special because we have a new Nephew that's just a few weeks from being born, and we're moving right along with our adoption process.

The big news I can share is that we've settled on a name for our daughter. Now that everyone in my family has heard this news - I feel comfortable sharing it with the blogosphere. Actually, to be honest, at first it seemed weird to settle on a name so early, but then again - most parents do so. Almost every baby born that I know since I've been an adult - I've known their name before they were born.

Carmen Julia!!!

So, what do you think?
Interestingly, Carmen is a name we'd been thinking about for a girl for some time. Julia was my late Mother's name (everyone called her Judy), and we've always wanted to use it as a middle name in her honor. The fact that the name Carmen has some Latin roots is merely a coincidence, but kinda neat as well.

In all likelihood, we'll also call her CJ. Fist of all, this is seriously cute for a girl. Plus, just about every person who's heard about this has asked if it's OK to call her CJ. I'm not the type to dictate nicknames for a child - seems like it should develop naturally. Can't get much more natural than this.

One thought I just had sitting here. It's quite possible that CJ's was conceived by Thanksgiving this year. Based on the timing, she will be born some time next year. So this year, she may already be alive in the womb of a Guatemalan women struggling to decide whether adoption is the best choice for her and the baby. Our Pastor pointed out something similar to this recently when she refered to the fact that God is working through all involved, including the birth mother.

Otherwise, this week has been ridiculously busy because we're working on all this paperwork, plus we had vacation from which to recover. Now ya'll know why I have not posted much this week. But I said I hope to post at least once a week,and here it is. There are plenty of things I'm planning to share as we continue to fill out our paperwork. A bunch of very thought provoking questions for us. I'm expecting some quiet time this weekend, so perhaps I'll share some of this with you soon.

One more thought. Thanksgiving was at our house, and we're relaxing after having cleaned up. Everyone in my family is very excited about the arrival of a new nephew/grandson in December, and then a niece/granddaughter some time in the next year or so. It occurred to us that depending on the timing, CJ will likely be less than a year younger than her cousin. This is very exciting for all of us.

Pretty cool!!!

OK, you’re approved – great – so now what?!?!

2006-11-16T15:00:00.001-05:00

Gee wiz, the paperwork starting to get rolling and the task list will be growing.

Our approval letter came with quite a bit of paperwork - several questionnaire/interview type pages. It’s almost like a more intense application. There are questions about how we handle personal matters within our marriage, finances (of course), and our parenting philosophy.

There are also a few pages (yes – plural) about how we’ll handle the fact that this adoption will create an ethnically diverse family. I did not expect a request for this much detail in written form – I figured it would be part of the interview process. We did discuss the ethnicity issue a fair amount before deciding to go international. This is something we must continue to consider going forward.

It seems like the obvious question is, what’s next? In fact, we’ve gotten that question a number of times, along with “how long till you bring her home?”

Well here’s a brief summary schedule as best I can create it. The bottom line is – we’re not looking at bringing home our daughter anytime sooner than a year from now. And much of that timetable is out of our control.

Disclaimer – I’m going off of general information at this point – this all will likely change once we go through the education class and learn the process in depth.

1) Send in pre-approval form – done
2) Get pre-approved – done
3) Send in formal application and app fee – done
4) Receive formal approval – done
5) Bethany receives referral forms from our references – in progress.
6) Fill out personal questionnaires - in progress.
7) Attend education class – December 4
8) Home Study process – interviews, house visit, background checks, etc.
9) Obtain all kinds of government forms – birth certificates (must be newly issued), fingerprints, Homeland Security nonsense (oops – did I say that?), etc. This is commonly referred to as the “Paper-Chase”.
10) Send forms and home study info to Guatemala (translated into Spanish of course).

All of the above should take approximately 4-5 months from now to complete. This could vary depending on how much trouble we have getting certain documents – but if we keep at it; we should get it done by April. Then it becomes less predictable.

11) Receive acceptance from Guatemala government.
12) Receive a referral – which literally means they identify a child for us. This could take anywhere from 2 weeks to 5 months.
13) Wait again for health screening, DNA matching with birth mother (to make sure she’s on the up and up). Once we get that DNA match – we might be able to make a brief visit. This process could take months as well.
14) Guatemala govt and US Embassy process the adoption and immigration paperwork. This can take an un-predictable amount of time, and we may be required to submit more forms or not. This will be the “waiting game”.
15) The immigration and adoption will receive approval and we’ll have an appointment at the embassy.
16) Travel to Guatemala – for about 7 days – returning to the USA with our daughter!!!

That’s the basics – maybe more details than you wanted, but in reality it’s going to be something like 100 or 150 steps, so 16 really is a summary!!!

Please continue to pray and encourage us!!!

Guatemala - here we come

2006-11-16T15:00:00.000-05:00

Or should I say - aquí venimos Guatemala!!!
OK, I used Babblefish for that, so I have no idea if that came out right.

But low and behold, we have made our decision about which country from which we will adopt our daughter. We have decided on Guatemala!!! I'm hesitant to list too many reasons, because I really don't want to highlight any negatives about China adoption. In actuality, it was a hard decision, and I'm sure we would have found either process rewarding. I don't want to denigrate the China process or system, or cut on anyone who has gone thought that process. But - here is some of our thinking.

The Guatemala process is more predictable right now than it has been. The government has stabilized, and the need is great. This translates to a somewhat faster process as well. I hate how that sounds because it makes it seem like we want to rush, but the bottom line is that there are some changes taking place in the China program and adoptive parents have seen their wait times sliding from 12 to 14 to 16 months.

While any process has its elements of chance - the Guatemala program is currently placing children right around 9 months out. Also, the system in Guatemala uses foster parents trained by Bethany staff. This is a major comfort for us in our first endeavor at adopting and parenting. The referral often comes within weeks of birth, so the adoptive parents can be in touch with the foster parents right away and often times, all parties involved start using the adoptive name from the get go. On top of all that - we just have that sense that our daughter will be born in Guatemala. Hard to explain - but I think you all get the idea.

So a few facts about Guatemala (taken from Wikipedia and InfoPlease) :

Population: 12,293,545 (about the same as PA)
Area: 41,865 sq mi (about the same as PA)
Largest City & Capital: Guatemala City (1,128,800) (a little smaller than Philly)
Languages: Spanish 60%, Amerindian languages 40%
Ethnicity: Mestizo (Ladino)—mixed Amerindian-Spanish ancestry—and European 60%, Indigenous (Mayan) : 40%
Government: Democratic Republic - 1 President, unicameral legislature
President: Oscar Berger (2004)
GDP: $62.97 billion; per capita $5,200. (compared to US - 12.41 trillion; per capita $42,000)

I found a list of famous Guatemalans, but none of them are extremely well known. I did recognize a few of the actors and actresses from fairly recent small parts (like Benito Martinez) , and some of the boxers because I do follow that sport a little bit.

And for the Geography nerds like me - a couple of maps:

APPROVED!!!!

2006-11-12T21:37:00.000-05:00

Well, that's all I really have time for right now. It's late Sunday evening and we literally just returned home from our vacation to the Outer Banks.

When we arrived home, a large envelope from Bethany was waiting for us on the kitchen counter (our good friends from up the street bring in the mail and check on our felines).

Anyway, the first word on the letter was "Congratulations" - so we knew what it was all about. It was a very exciting moment! We weren't quite sure what to expect, but apparently we're approved, then the references go out. In fact, thanks to cell phones and e-mail, we already know that our references have received their very own packets to fill out!!! On top of that, our approval letter included a fresh new packet with plenty of paperwork to complete. Also some information about all kinds of other documentation. Haven't had time to review it completely - just wanted to let ya'll know that we've been approved! I'm sure I'll have more updates in the next few days.

Just a little practice

2006-11-03T23:08:00.000-05:00

Most of you know that until recently, my wife directed a day care and has studied children via books and classes as well as live interaction. I often kid around and call her "the professional" (I'm sure she'll be embarrassed by me bringing this up). Let's put it this way, she'll correctly guess toddler or preschooler age within 2 months just by inspecting the details of their fingerpainting or sidewalk chalking). But even she'll tell you that being a care-taker for someone else's kids in an institutional environment is a heck of a lot different than babysitting or even just spending time with kids at a gathering of family and friends.

For as long as I can remember, we've had regular smidges of practice with little ones at least every couple of weeks (either sitting or visiting). I'm not gonna lie - lately these experiences really make me anxious to become a parent myself. For some reason, knowing that I'm in the process (even if that's still more than a year away) gives me a different perspective.

This is particularly true the last few times I've interacted with kids. I feel like I'm really paying attention to the child's movements, sounds, and reactions to my movements and sounds. Don't get me wrong, I'm very attentive when babysitting or spending time with kids, but now it's like the experience is being recorded in my brain for later on when I might encounter some similar situation with my own daughter.

Even dumb little things mean more - like my nephew picking up an odd shaped rock and pretending it's a some kind of truck. Or watching my new-born great-niece (yup my oldest nephew is a daddy) spit out her binky because it's not what she was hoping it would be if you know what I mean.

Does any of this even make sense?

Oh well - I guess I am indeed anxious, but also thankful for all the good examples of parenting we have out there. Keep up the good work, we'll be watching and learning!!!

World Travelers Redux

2006-11-02T21:23:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if other bloggers do this, but I've gone back to re-read older posts a few times. It's only been a couple of weeks, and so far I'm pretty happy with what I've written. No one's really complained yet, but I want to revisit the title of an older post - World Travelers.

It's not that there's anything wrong with what I wrote, but the title leaves a false impression. Actually, it's something for us to be careful about. IMO, we really should not choose our adoption country based on the 1 time travel that's necessary to go get our daughter. For instance - the fact that China requires 2 weeks of travel and Guatemala requires only 1 should not be a factor. Having a once in a lifetime opportunity to see the Great Wall should not be a point for China.

What I'm trying to say is - we didn't choose international because we thought it would be fun to travel to an exotic place, and the travel requirements between the 2 countries will not be large factors in our decision.

With that said - who could possibly choose between these 2 amazing countries based on travel anyway!!!

So, what are legitimate considerations? Well, I'm not really sure yet. I suppose it makes sense to consider the time tables. In other words - which direction will match us with our baby more quickly? Which process seems to be the most streamlined and reliable? Just our luck, initial analysis shows these 2 to be split between the 2 countries!!!!

Tens of thousands of babies are adopted from China each year, so the process is well known. I'm betting just about everyone knows someone, worships with someone, or works with someone who's been involved in an adoption from China.

On the other hand, Guatemala continues to struggle with poverty, so the need for adoptive parents grows. This means the time-table for matching parent and child is on the shorter end of the spectrum.

So where do we go from here? We'll keep praying (and hopefully you will too). We hope to find our way within the next couple of weeks.

On our way

2006-10-31T22:34:00.000-05:00

Just wanna update ya'll. We've got the formal application completed and ready to mail in tomorrow!

Most of it had been filled out over the weekend, but there were some key sections that we wrapped up after supper tonight. Yah, we actually sat at the dining room table - something we usually only do when company comes over. Bethany came through with rapid response again - answering a series of e-mail questions in less than a day. Once we had some clarification, all the blanks could be filled in.

The hardest section by far was the simple question - why do you want to adopt? You may remember back when I started this that I had been worried about this concept. I mean, for us, one must first answer - why do you want to be parents? The answer for adopting would be pretty much the same. Really - adoption is just another avenue that God has provided to build a family. As one of our "rod chairs" mentioned recently, there's a child out there somewhere in the world for us.

Another toughy was a very long question about the broad range of children that we'd be willing to parent. We're asked to consider age, gender, race, disability, number of children etc. I was left wondering, what if I said I'd be willing to parent a 3 year old, but not a 10 year old? How can that be arranged? If you'd parent an infant, you'll eventually parent a teenager, right? I guess the idea would be some folks would prefer not to adopt an older child for various reasons. But the question doesn't mention that, just a willingness to "parent."

OK enough of my anal analysis of semantics!

I'm betting we'll be hearing back from Bethany fairly quick. The social worker that e-mailed me said we can start the process before our education class on Dec 4. That means interviews and paperwork can get started about a month before we (or at least) I anticipated. This is good news - we're moving a bit faster than I expected. From what I read though, there will be much idle time to come.

Your thoughts and prayers will be appreciated as we send in our application!

Just a word of thanks

2006-10-28T22:44:00.000-04:00

Well, we're deep in thought about which country to choose for our adoption. Or should I say - we have not learned the direction in which God will lead us. In the mean time, we've got a growing list of "to-dos" that will fill any lapse in activity.

These are items that we MUST take care of regardless of whether our child is born in Guatemala or China. Nothing surprising, I'm sure - all wise tasks for anyone about to become parents, but not something usually high on the list for us Gen-Xers.

-Complete a formal Will
-Purchase more comprehensive life insurance. We've got some, but not anything fancy.
-Complete the formal application
-Prepare for the "Home Study" process (yup - they visit your house several times)

With all that said, I just want to send out a heart-felt thanks to all of you that have been supporting us with advice, prayers, and just general words of encouragement. Just the fact that so many people express so much excitement for us, shows us that we are doing the right thing. We've heard comments like - "your baby is out there somewhere" and "I can't wait to meet your little one."

Here's another rather touching tidbit along these lines. Over the past year or so, Melissa and I have taken over the adult (haha, yah right) leadership of our Church's youth group. It's a small congregation, so the group is struggling to come out of hibernation, but we do have some faithful kids with lots of dedication. Anyway, most of them are aware of our adoption efforts, but you wouldn't expect them to be too interested. In fact, the group meets weekly, and we haven't mentioned it to them for at least a month. But wouldn't you know it, one of the kids asked M about it this past week. It's very special that a teenager, with so many other concerns in the world took a few minutes to inquire about God's plan for build a family. I guess we can learn a bit about good parenting there.

So, to all - thanks. 'Nuff said.

What's going on in that little brain

2006-10-26T13:13:00.001-04:00

OK, I need to catch my breath a little. I've still got a few tidbits to share from the research I've done in the last couple of weeks, particularly as we weigh the 2 countries we're considering. I'll get to that later.

Melissa took all 3 animals to the vet yesterday - at the same time! Only once since we got Penny about 3 years ago have I caught them all hanging out close enough to get a picture. This was taken about a year ago.

Believe it or not, it's all part of the master strategy to get as much of our hectic lives in order as possible. Now that the pets are up to date on shots and such, a great deal of effort (a lot of it M has already started) will be going into getting the house in order. Not to mention getting ourselves used to living on a single income. But still, there are enough times while the wife is at a meeting or choir practice that I find myself with a little down time to ponder some of this on my own. While making shrimp dumplings (what's with the food references lately?), I was thinking about - what if we had a Chinese born kid - would I make this for her? Would I have to learn to make tamales if we end up adopting from Guatemala?

So the dumpling making process takes a little while. The dog watched me with great interest (though not begging), but my hands were too messy to snap a picture. She did, however follow me downstairs after I washed my hands and she cleaned up a little dim sum sauce I spilled on the floor (check out the lip smacking). I guess we'll try mole next week and ask Penny which she likes better!

And So it begins - Part Two

2006-10-26T13:13:00.000-04:00

Gee that didn't take long! Yesterday, our formal "Application for Adoption" arrived in the mail!!! This is kinda like another beginning, because this will be the step where we'll start sending moola. If you've poked around any adoption web site though, you'll know the $550 app fee is a tiny fraction of the total costs. But still, there's something about committing cash to something that let's everyone know how serious you are. I was thinking about making an analogy - kinda like committing DNA - but I think you get the idea without further explanation, right?

It's not as much paperwork as I though it would be - just 4 pages. But, I suppose that's because it's still just an application. There are no government forms to fill out just yet. Part of it kinda reminds me of a loan application, asking for employment, debt, and asset information.

Then it goes into asking us to list references, write little mini-essays about various topics like "Why do you want to adopt?"

Yah, one question with a 2X4 inch empty block asks why we want to adopt. I'll have to think about exactly how to word that in such a tiny space. Not sure about this particular section, but there are questions directed at each parent. I'll have to dictate mine to M, because my handwriting is so lousy. I think it's due of permanent damage caused by repeatedly having to write the same freakin sentence 1,000 times in Jr. High. Anyone from Twin Valley remember the teacher's name that was notorious for that? I'm pretty sure it was a man.

Anyway, I've got to round up a fair bit of info. Still have yet to choose between China and Guatemala. For anyone waiting on the edge of their virtual seat for us to make up our minds, it probably won't happen soon. The application does not require us to choose - that will come later on when we prepare a dossier. What's a dossier? Wouldn't you like to know.......

Preliminary Preparatory Precursory Prior Approval

2006-10-24T15:19:00.000-04:00

Well, that happened kinda fast. No, we're not parents yet, but we have some paperwork already!

Last night while M stirred the squash risotto and the pork and broccoli was cooking away on the grill, I filled out the online preliminary application for international adoption. No overly probing questions really, just the basics, like age, income, etc. Didn't even ask for SS numbers. The form also asks for preferred ages and countries. Click here if you wanna take a look at what we had to fill in.

Mind you, this was only a preliminary application, there's no paperwork filed with immigration, nobody in China or Guatemala has any clue about us. But, it was an important step and expresses our intentions quite formally. At the orientation meeting last week, the social worker said something about being contacting in about 48 hours after submitting the prelim. The web site says 2 weeks. I usually figure the truth is somewhere in the middle.

So, this morning, M gets a call from Bethany telling her that we've they've approved our preliminary application!!!

What does that mean? I have no flipping idea, but it sounds good! Actually, I think it means we're now allowed to really start the process officially. They will be sending us the formal application. Who wants to bet that stack of papers will blow "The Packet" out of the water? Of course, then I'll be able to finish my task list and budget. This is a good early sign from the Bethany side of things. I have heard that they really keep on top of things for you, and so far so good.

We are also signed up for the Dec 4 international adoption education class. This is an all day thing for which I'll have to take a vacation day. The class is actually a government mandated thing - we're required to take 10 hours of training (the orientation counts as 2 hrs). I'm sure that won't be the first one I'll end up taking. There will be trips to various government offices, lawyers, and whoknowswhatelse.

That's all for now. More tidbits on the way...

Chinese couch, American arm

2006-10-22T21:22:00.001-04:00

Finally, we get to the tidbits. I guess we’ll be talking about China and Guatemala for a little while, at least until we make a decision. The next couple of steps for us include filling out a preliminary application, and attending an all day education class in early December. We won’t need to pick a country program to pursue until after that class as we begin the formal process.

One of the interesting things about both China & Guatemala that I’ve mentioned before is the streamlined process. Both countries have particular hotels that cater to adopting parents.

In China, you stay in the White Swan Hotel in Guangzhou. I get the impression that literally all of the bookings at the White Swan come from Americans and Europeans adopting Chinese babies. The actually present each family with several gifts, one of which is a Caucasian Barbie Doll with an Oriental baby. I’m still hunting down a picture of this.

One of the main traditions at this hotel is the red couch picture. Basically, all of the new parents gather up the little ones, plop them on the couch, and the flash bulbs go off. In some ways, this is kinda neat, but I can’t help but think about the fact that it’s red. It’s almost like giving the kids one last fling with communist propaganda before they escape to the free world. I realize that seems kinda cynical, but I guess that’s my nature. In reality, the couch is probably red because it matches the rest of the hotel’s décor, or because they owner found a good deal on red furniture or some other innocent reason like that.

I poked around on the interweb looking for more info. Didn’t take long to find some pictures of the red couch. In the process, I discovered dozens of other blogs posted by adopting parents. So much for having an original idea. It’s amazing to think the when I was in college; my roommate and I were one of only a few people in our dorm who had figured out how to get online. It was pretty much message boards, news groups, and e-mail back in 1992. 14 years later it’s just second nature to just hop on the web if you need some info. Now, if I could just get my parents off of AOL and onto DSL the technology infiltration would be complete.

Here’s a pic of the red couch. I literally stole this from someone's web page – I don’t know any of these kids, but I figure it’s anonymous enough that there’s no harm.

Notice pair of kids on either end seem fine, perhaps a smidge worried. The third baby from the left just isn’t having fun at all yet, having probably bonded with new parent's by this point, he (I think) does not want to end up back in a room full of other babies. Hopefully the 23-hour plane ride home to the USA will be a little more fun! Even funnier is the look the crybaby is getting from the next kid.

What really cracks me up is the arm. The things new Dads will do for what they think will be the perfect shot. Little did he know that his arm would be forever immortalized on my blog. I suppose they never thought to just stuff a pillow or a balled up jacket behind her. Makes me feel better though – apparently you don’t have to be a member of Mensa to navigate the adoption process.

World Travelers

2006-10-22T21:22:00.000-04:00

It’s been a while since the last post, and I had a draft post that somehow got blown away with a few tidbits. Hopefully, I’ll be able to rephrase those as well as I did the first time. Blogger has the ability to save draft posts without publishing. I typed out a few paragraphs, clicked on save draft, and kablooie-page cannot be found, back-page, blank post, work gone. Oh well, I’m sure it’s Bill Gates’ fault, I should have been using Firefox instead of IE.

I’ll get to the tidbits in the next post, but I’ve got a little news. OK, it’s pretty big news.

We’ve decided to go International for sure. We stayed up very late Friday night talking about it and just came to the conclusion that this was the way we needed to go. I wanna get back to the news and tidbits, so I’ll get more into explaining some of the reasons later. Some might fault me for being so analytical, rather than just following the path that God shows me. I’ll accept that, but I also believe that God made me this way as a means for me to discover His path. In other words, my research takes place precisely because I seek the right path, not because I trust myself more than the Lord. This process has served me well in other decisions like this; changing my major in college when I realized I had more aptitude for something else, switching jobs and career paths when I saw the right opportunity. I’m not changing now.

So, now, you’re asking – from which country will you be adopting? Sorry, haven’t decided yet.

I’ve been officially over-ruled on the Uzbekistan thing. I knew it was a long shot, but hey we’re a couple and we’ve got to agree. Our philosophy has always been that if one or the other of us is in total disagreement, then the answer is no. To be honest with you, it was probably number 3 or 4 on my list anyway; I just wasn’t as ready to rule it out. But again, back to reality – we have to start narrowing this down.

We had also considered Haiti, but realized that we were really only drawn to that because of how quickly and cheaply one can get through the process. Russia was another possibility, but they are going through some changes right now, and have actually closed a portion of their program temporarily, making it quite a bit more difficult. Perhaps later in life, we’ll be revisiting these possibilities, but not now.

For a lot of reasons, we’ve narrowed it down to China and Guatemala. It’s not so much a matter of process of elimination, but we do feel drawn to these places.

China remains likely simply because of the relative simplicity of the process. OK, when you stop laughing, I’ll explain. Re-read that – I said “relative” simplicity. No matter what, it’s going to be long and complicated, but so many orphans have been adopted from China that they’ve got the process finely tuned. 10’s of thousands of Americans adopt through this program each year. The timeline is fairly predictable, and once you get to the travel stage, they make all your arrangements and send you along with group of other China adopters from Bethany.

We also feel very drawn to Guatemala, which I have now gotten the hang of spelling properly. There are a lot of reasons, but the need there is just so great that we really feel it’s something we should do. The process in Guatemala is also fairly well streamlined, so we’ll know more of what to expect. The wait for a referral is also a little shorter than most places, and the travel is not the least bit intimidating. Also, the need there really breaks my heart.

I’ve traveled a fair amount, particularly at my previous job, where I had the opportunity to visit several locations around the US (SC, MN, KS), as well as Argentina. I’ve done a little work travel since then(mostly AZ, and CA). Also, Melissa and I have been to Israel and the West Bank together. I’m pretty comfortable traveling then, including in strange places. Melissa has traveled a bit as well – she went to France when she was little, but hasn’t traveled as much as an adult. Also, anyone who knows me knows I’ll eat just about anything (except mushrooms and clams), particularly strange ethnic, spicy foods – common in Guatemala and China. Melissa tends to be a little more careful about strange places and foods (but she loves mushrooms and clams), so I don’t think I’ll get in any trouble by expressing a little surprise when she told me the travel portion of the adoption process is the least of her concerns. After thinking about it though, I shouldn’t be surprised. She’s much more willing to just go with the flow and be sacrifice her own comfort and safety things for what she thinks is right. So, taking a long flight to spend weeks in a strange place doesn’t faze her a bit.

That’s where the comparisons will inevitably be made - travel. The fees for China are fairly low (again, in comparison), but the travel long and expensive. The fees in Guatemala are higher, but the travel fairly short and cheap.

I believe that at some point, we’ll make the right decision - so, let the analysis and prayer begin!!!

Now I know how to get me one of those!

2006-10-17T21:30:00.000-04:00

Well, at least I know more than I did yesterday. If you’ve been reading along, you know that we have yet to officially decide whether to adopt domestic or international. We took our first step in making that decision last night as we attended an international adoption orientation (IAO). Oddly enough, there is no such thing as a DAO (Domestic Adoption Orientation). The next step in both versions of the process will be to complete the preliminary application, followed by a formal application, which will include a fee. That’s the point at which we’ll need to have made up our minds, because that’s when our wallet starts to empty out. More on the process some other time, I want to share my initial thoughts the day after the IAO.

First off, I am soooooo glad we attended this meeting. I learned a lot, confirmed some hopes, cleared up some mis-conceptions, and had a milkshake. Oh wait that last part was when we stopped at Sonic on the way home! Yup there’s a Sonic in Lancaster County, not far from where I work - and according to my sources, more of them on their way to PA.

Anywho, the meeting was uber informative. There were 3 other couples there, and 1 woman by herself because her husband could not make it. We had a brief intro around the room, but other than that there wasn’t much inter-action between the adoptive couples outside of a few glances and nods as the presenter went through her info. For some reason, I expected it to be a little more touchy feely - with lots more prayer and sharing.

It’s become painfully obvious to me that we now live in a PowerPoint society. No one ever gives a presentation, seminar, or orientation without a slide show. The first things organizers always talk about are the slides. How many, when can you submit them, yabba dabba doo. So, as you can guess, the entire session focused around the presenter speaking along with a PowerPoint presentation. I suppose this is not a bad thing, just something I noticed yet again.

My intitial take when comparing this to domestic now, is that the total process is actually more predictable, potentially more affordable, and just as rewarding. Not sure if we are leaning toward international, but before last night, we were probably leaning away.

The adoption counselors WILL be getting personal with us. Again, I won’t rehash the whole process at this point, but in short – we’ll be interviewed together, then interviewed alone, then together again. They will ask questions about our history, growing up, how we met, what we do for a living, etc. A comprehensive interview. Then we’ll have to submit to physicals, blood tests, a home study, etc. We’ll be providing references, a copy of our will (which doesn’t exist yet – eek), and a pastoral reference.

There’s a great deal of variety in international adoptions. The presentation highlighted the 2 most popular countries, as well as some of the greater need and newer programs.
By far, most international adoptions through Bethany and any other organization are through China and Guatemala.

China: You wait 12+ months, get a referral, and travel a few weeks later. There are so many kids being adopted from China that you actually travel with a group and go through the process together. The need there is still quite high, but seems to be subsiding gradually over time as China modernizes. In all, there are 20,000 foreigners on the waiting list to adopt a Chinese orphan.

Guatemala: You wait 2-3 months, get a referral, then wait another 9 months before traveling. Interestingly, you can even visit your child during this period if you like, but have to come back later for the pick up. Birth mothers must submit to a DNA test and be interviewed several times throughout the process – all in an effort to fight corruption.

Russia: Similar to China as far as waiting, but the percentage of infants is lower. Not much else unique except that it’s customary for the adoptive parents to take all the officials involved out to dinner after the hearing. Yup, out to dinner – including the judge, social workers, lawyers, etc. Apparently, the reputation Russians have for celebrating holds true. Bring on the Vodka!

Haiti: This is actually the quickest and cheapest option, presumably because the need is so tremendous. Haiti might very well be the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere, and many of the children are HIV positive at birth. Thankfully, with modern drugs and their mother’s antibodies few remain so after the age of 2. The head of the orphanage, Dixie controls the process of matching kids with parents. Actually, if you believe her, the Holy Spirit is in charge, as she prays over each case and matches them at that time. Who am I to argue!

Kazakhstan: This is the only country that allows you to pick your own kid. Yup, you literally show up at the orphanage, take a look and make your choice. There’s a major need here, but the process is long and involves up to 2 months of travel.

Uzbekistan: A new program, also with major needs. The Uzbeks have an unusual system of government – the mayor of whatever town your in actually approves the adoption.

Not sure M will go for it, but I’m intrigued by the Uzbek possibilities. I mean, really, it’s Uzbekistan- it’s fun to say! It sounds like one of those place names you’d make up as part of your make believe world with your other 8-year-old friends. I know people who have been to China, Haiti, Russia, and Central America. There’s no way anyone I know has been anywhere near Uzbekistan. Of course, they did let us use one of their air bases for the first stage of the war on terror in Afghanistan.

In reality, I still don’t know which direction we’ll be led, but I can tell you we’re much more excited about adopting internationally than we had been up to this point. I had previously been leaning away from Guatemala, but now I’m much more open to that particular opportunity. Maybe my next post will focus more on that whole process discussion. It's sorta complicated, but sorta interesting at the same time. Lets just say we are thinkful for the adoption reforms that have taken place in this country in the last 6 years, but there's still a long way to go.

Relief & Anticipation

2006-10-15T22:45:00.000-04:00

I finally finished my personal statement of faith. There's really no way to be sure it includes the types of things Bethany wants. The Packet includes a sheet with basic requirements. In this case, there are some requirements that seem a bit more geared toward belief, but as before, certainly nothing objectionable. We are to explain what we belief about the person of Jesus, and how the Holy Spirit has been active in our lives. Also, to be included are some expression of how our own faith has grown over time, and the ways in which we expect to instill a sense of faith in our children.

For anyone reading this who may not be familiar with this type of thing, the requirements seem to be this; in what ways would others see evidence of your faith in God, how has He blessed your life, and how would you go about teaching your children about Him. I think they are basically trying to find out if we are mature enough in our faith to be able to provide a Christian home for our adopted children.

I do a fair amount of writing at work. Software requirements, business cases, project outlines, etc. But this was very much a throwback to college and high school. It turned out to be exactly like I remember an essay to be. I really should have written my first draft in a blue book!!! Good thing I had teachers and profs like Mrs Cleavely and Dr. Moyer. If you went to Twin Valley or Millersville, you'll know who I'm talking about. And if so, you're either laughing or crying right now.

One way in which a statement of faith differs from an essay is that it's quite personal. There's no evidence to site, no metaphors to explain, and certainly no counter-argument to refute. At least it was open book.

I'm not going to get into a lot of detail, but if you want some idea of what I believe and how my faith has been formulated, at least in recent years - then read Romans - chapter 5. Yah, that pretty much sums it up for me.

So, now that the statement of faith is behind me, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow's meeting. The wife tells me it's called an "International Adoption Orientation Meeting." Filling out forms and writing essays may seem exciting, but going to an actual meeting will make the whole thing seem possible. We'll be making live contact with others interested in the same thing as us, and more importantly, the people that can help make it happen. Till next time...

Rod Chairs

2006-10-13T16:42:00.000-04:00

I'm sure you are asking, what the heck is a rod chair? If you already know, then you must be some kind of home improvement nut, or perhaps you work construction. Until this past Monday, I had never heard of a rod chair. I don't know anyone named Rod, or even Rodney, or Rodalia, or whatever. Everyone knows what a chair is, so perhaps it's a chair made of rods? Or maybe a special chair for hardcore fisherman, particularly those who spend most of their time on a beach or pier?

Nope - these are rod chairs:

They are used to elevate iron rebar rods so they are properly suspended in new concrete. So, what's this have to do with adoption?

Let me explain. Someone at work has gotten me into the habit of making analogies for everything (ask me some other time about the Oracle/monkey analogy). Sometimes it helps him prove a valuable point, sometimes - well, it's just funny. We'll see how it goes for me.

Not to get into a lot of detail, we've got ourselves a new walkway out front. I see the adoption process as being very much the same as the process of creating a concrete walk. Think about it. You talk about it for a while, you discuss it with a few friends and family members. Then, you do nothing - you just put it off for a while because it seem over-whelming. It's totally unclear how much it will cost, so that delays it even more. You do research about it on the internet trying to determine the best methods. Then, finally, you decide to just do it.

The simalarities don't end there. Once you've made the decision, there's a ton of prep work. First you gotta mark off the area, dig it out, compact the existing soil. Then you build forms, which takes forever to get right. Then you lay rebar as the final prep before delivery. Then you wait. You wait for the big delivery. A huge amount of prep work in advance, then you literally wait because you are beholden to the concrete delivery schedule.

But once it arrives, there's a flurry of activity. 40 hours of prep work all comes down to this. It takes literally 20 minutes to pour the concrete out of the truck and spread it through the forms. If any mistakes were made in the prep, the whole thing will bust out and be worthless. Then you're screwed and you have to start over. But if you've prepared properly, the reward is outstanding. In just a few hours, all of your hard work pays off.

The same will be true of this adoption. We've been talking about it for a while. Discussing with a few friends and family, and researching on the web. Now, we're finally getting started. And I'm expecting all the prep work to be overwhelming. We'll have requirements to make changes to the house and yard from a safety point of view. We'll have to undergo counseling and evaluation to see if we're fit to be adoptive parents. We need more life insurance. We'll have to file all kinds of paperwork. There will be meetings in Lancaster and Harrisburg, and possibly multiple trips abroad. Then we will wait, because the delivery will be out of our control.

But the payoff will be a big flurry of activity. We'll finally learn that a child is availible for us. There will be a sense of excitement, and with one final dramatic effort, we'll be parents. If the prep work is done properly, those last few steps will be soooooo rewarding.

Oh, and back to the rod chairs - maybe you forgot!!! Rod chairs are an inexpensive, seemingly simple, but critical step. The rebar rods are worthless without them. If the rebar lays along the bottom, it's not helping, and the concrete will not benefit from them. Propping up the rebar on those rod chairs makes all the difference. Well - that's where you all come into the equation. You are our rod chairs. You might not realize it, but your prayers, advice, and just plain old moral support will be critical for us in during the preparation process. Our own faith and determination will be nothing, if it's not held up by your support.

So, if that all makes sense....

Thanks to you all for being our rod chairs!

Statement of What?

2006-10-09T23:40:00.000-04:00

And so it begins.

Well I think we are officially in the process of adopting a child! Melissa (I’ll just use M from now on) contacted Bethany and signed us up for a presentation/meeting thingamagiggy next week. On top of that, the paperwork has begun. Now, I officially have too many projects going on at the same time, and I’m not even including the mish-mash of projects at work.

I’ve got a half weeded flowerbed (it’s a huge bed, so it takes a good 8 hours to clean it up once, especially if I don’t use chemicals or I neglect it for 18 months). I’ve got a bunch of strategically arranged 2X4s and iron rods awaiting the delivery of concrete tomorrow. I’ve got another area along the house cleared out awaiting new shrubs and hopefully decorative stone. Ok, one more – I’ve got 2 more windows to replace in the house in order to say we’ve officially got all new windows.

But judging by the info included in “The Packet”, I’m pretty darn sure I’ll be able to finish all those projects before we become parents. Oh, and that includes the fact that my parents are moving after having lived in the same house for 30 years. I’m sure that will be an interesting adventure for all four of us boys and girls. Yikes!

So, while M has yet to return from a meeting at church, I figured I better sit down and review what she’s got filled out so far. You might be wondering what the first steps are. Here’s one of my famous lists (get used to it) – I’ll stop at and comment on the step we’re completing now:

1) Get “The Packet”
2) Read “The Packet”
3) Pray your butt off because of what you learned in “The Packet”
4) Make an appointment for a scheduled Bethany presentation.
5a) Fill out a “Preliminary Adoption Application.”
5b) Sign a prepared “Statement of Faith.”
5c) Prepare your own “Statement of Faith.”

Yup, a statement of faith. To be more precise, the canned form includes a series of statements. When I first learned that this was the case, I must admit a smidgen of worry came over me. I am a Christian dude, and have been for quite some time. While I don’t believe anything particularly radical, there are a few key areas where my own beliefs differ from those of the typical Christian, as well as those of the typical Moravian – the particular flavor of which I am a member. Not sure if a “for instance” is in order, as I’ve said this blog is about my adoption experience. But, let’s just say I’ve had my share of Christians of all sorts peg me as pretty far to either extreme – which means I’m pretty hart to peg down, and I’d like it to stay that way!

Much to my relief, the Statement of Faith turns out to be exactly that. It’s anything but generic or wish-washy, but it is NOT a statement of belief. In other words, in order to adopt via Bethany Christian Services, I only need profess my Faith in Christ as the one true Savior. There’s nothing in the statement about Pastoral delineation, infant Baptism, pipe organs, or even whether it’s supposed to be called a graveyard or cemetery (Moravians will know where that one comes from).

Nothing in the statement should be the least bit objectionable to any Christian, whether Catholic, Lutheran, Mennonite, or Messianic Jew. I guess that’s the point – Bethany appears to be an ecumenical organization, which quite frankly, equates just fine with my own POV. Now that I’ve accepted the organization’s statement, I’ll need to write up a personal version – more on that next time.

The Packet - and the PM's adoption.

2006-10-06T21:18:00.001-04:00

Alright, so we don't actually have any tasks in the bag. I may be a blogger, disc golfer, baseball fan, and map geek by night, but during the day I'm supposed to be a project manager. So, at some point, you can guarantee I'll create a a cost estimate, a task list, a timeline, and then a punch list and a set of risk items. But, we're not even far enough for any of that stuff. We're in what I would call the evaluation phase. We know we're going to do this, we just don't know exactly how, when, or who. So what tasks are in the bag.

Probably the biggest step so far was the fact that Melissa is no longer working. She left her position as a Child Care Center Director largely to concentrate on the whole process of adoption. It might seem like we're getting ahead of ourselves, but there will be lot's of work to do to to prepare the house for a family. We also might taking in foster kids for a period of time. The state will have a lot to say about the environment, and the adoption agency will be performing some home inspections. This will also give us some time to adjust our own living styles to a single income.

As I mentioned before, we've done a fair amount of online research. Of course, we've also talked about the concept of adoption with various friends and family off and on in recent years. One of the most well known adoption agencies,

Bethany Christian Services

has come up a number of times in web links, recomendations from friends, and the like.

So, we spent some time (both together and separately) checking out their web site. Then Melissa sent in a request for an information packet with initial application forms. I was concerned that the packet would be a giant re-hash of the web site. And since I hate wasting time, I was not looking forward to reviewing the packet. As it turns out, there was actually very little repeated info.

The packet included very detailed descriptions about the various international adoptions, as well as the requirements for who can and cannot adopt. Continuing with my obsession with creating lists, here are a couple of first impressions.

-There are really no major financial requirements. You need not be filthy rich to adopt, nor do you need a hundred grand in the bank. Yah, it can get expensive, but there are so many fincancing options out there, that pretty much anyone with a stable job and reasonable amount of debt would be eligible. After reviewing the numbers, I'd say that the monetary difference would be between financing a new or late model car vs. buying a just basic transportation. There are loans, grants, and tax credits for the taking.

-There's a ton of variety amongst the foreign adoption methods. Some countries require a 3 month stay and 10's of thousands of dollars in fees. Others require only 1500 bucks and a trip to the local airport to meet your adpoted child.

-Now for a surprise. Bethany documentation uses some FAQs and suggested reasons why a couple might want to adopt. But the packet also includes a list of the "wrong reasons to adopt." Among them:
--We will be doing the poor child a favor
--Having a baby to love will make me feel completed and loved

There are some others as well, but those 2 stuck me as odd. I mean - no, those are not exactly the reasons why we are adopting. I'm a somewhat spiritual person, so I believe God want's to adopt (no I don't hear voices, it's just a gut feeling). But anyway, if that's the case, then I must determine why it is that God wants us to adopt. Well, I'm hoping it's largely because I have much love to give, and we have the means to provide a good home for a child. Presumably, the life we could provide would be better in certain ways than it would otherwise for that child. Isnt' that really a nice way of saying we'd be doing the poor child a favor? And besides, what's so wrong with doing favors for poor children? I don't get it.

And isn't it true that having a baby to love will be fulfilling for Melissa and me? Ya, I know, adoption isn't a selfish endeavor, but if we go around pretending it won't be rewarding, we'd be develop fairly large noses - although this would be more noticeable on Melissa because her's is fairly average in size, while mine is rather prominant.

Anyway, much more to comment about "The Packet" later on.

Backtracking a bit

2006-10-06T21:18:00.000-04:00

On to the catching up I mentioned. Where the heck are we going with this? Are we going to show up at the next gathering of friends and family with some mysterious kid in tow? Will we be calling you from the airport having just smuggled an orphan out of Albania? Can you expect you to see us rushing to the maternity ward without Melissa having ever gone through morning sickness? Geez, there's not quite that much catching up to do, but there is progress to report. Since I'm having so much fun with writing questions, then answering them myself as if I have split personalities, I'll just continue with that method.

Question #1: Do you plan domestic adoption or foreign adoption.
Answer #1: Yes. Actually, we don't know yet, we're still investigating each type and are literally 50/50 on the subject. More on that as I re-cap what we've learned in a future post.

Question #2: Do you plan an open or closed adoption?
Answer #2: Most likely closed, although there are several levels of open vs. closed. It just seems like an open adoption would lead to a potential world of problems that we'd just assume avoid. I'm not sure how Melissa feels, but I'm not totally opposed to providing some form of occasional update to birthparents, most likely in the form of a letter or e-mail. Don't get me wrong, I mean not to judge anyone who chooses some level of open-ness. We just don't believe that's the correct path for us.

Question #3: Boy or Girl?
Answer #3: We just hope it's a healthy baby!!! Ugh, I was never fan of that line. Who the heck wouldn't hope for health? It's like a politician he's for a clean environment, safe neighborhoods, and, well - healthy babies. As if his opponent has a polar opposite platform. Anyway, yah, healthy is great; sure, we'll take a healthy one. Perhaps one day I'll regret writing this as my adopted son discovers an archive of the original Internet, but if given a choice, I'd adopt a girl. The main reason for this has more to do with the makeup of my current family. I've got 4 nephews, with another on the way, and no nieces in sight. Of course, that means my siblings have no nieces either. That being said, I do have a great niece, who just arrived a couple weeks ago, and 2 step-nieces through various routes (a sisters step-daughter and my step-sister's daughter).
If we go with foreign adoption, odds are we'll end up with a girl. I can't remember the exact stats, but something like 3/4 of Asian adoptions are girls, and over half of Eastern European and Latin American are as well. Supposedly, this is because parents in those countries prefer boys over girls. I suppose there's a whole commentary to be written on that.

Hoping to make an impression

2006-10-04T20:20:00.000-04:00

OK, now that I've answered a few basic questions, I actually have some catching up to do. This blog will be a fun way to allow me to keep anyone interested informed of our adoption progress, but I'd probably be keeping some kind of journal or timeline like this anyway - just for myself. I've never really done anything (non-work-related) that involves such a long process like this. I suppose it wouldn't be quite interesting if the whole deal were more predictable or very short. For instance, Melissa and I took a trip to the Holy Land in early 2000. It was quite an experience, and probably worthy of a journal of some type - but it would be a read it once and done kindof thing and to serve as "documentation" as we say in IT speak.

A blog is interesting if it's clearly an on-going saga, but can also be worth reading after the fact. A couple of good examples:

John Derbyshire's Treehouse

Dance This

Speedwell Forge

So hopefully, with that in mind, I'll be able keep folks informed, track our own progress, and have a little fun doing it.

Just getting started

2006-10-03T09:40:00.000-04:00

OK, first off, about the title. Where can I get me one of these, refers to exactly what you think. A child. When getting started in the adoption process, you do a lot of reading, these days, reading on-line. More on that specifically later, but at its core for me this reading is about research to find out how to "get me one of these" meaning a child. The joke of it kinda started for me in 12 grade physics class where our teacher, Mr. Z had a set of molecule models. Actually, it was more like tinker toys, but for the purpose of constructing the various parts of molecular compounds. When Mr Z was first demonstrating the kit by passing pieces of it around, I blurted out "where can I get me one of these," as if a 17 year old kid would even be interested. The entire class erupted in laughter, including Mr Z. Now, whenever I see something really cool, but not something you just walk into a store a buy - like, maybe an electron microscope, or a predator drone, or an industrial meatball extruder - I say - well, you know.

Since I started by answering anticipated questions, I'll go ahead and answer a few more.

I suspect the first question would be - can't you have kids on your own? The short answer to that is - well, that's not the topic of this blog! The slightly longer answer is that we plan to do that, want to do that, but we don't believe conception and adoption need to be mutually exclusive. While quite a few people choose adoption because they cannot conceive, many have both conceived and adopted kids. In our case, the Lord has not yet blessed us with a pregnancy, but we've always planned to adopt, so we believe we should begin this process right now.